Dear Diary

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Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Tue Apr 05, 2011 9:40 pm

Hi All,
I'm relatively new to this site, but came because of recommendations from trusted friends.

I would like to find a place to journal, so I thought I would start a thread where I can keep an "open diary" so to speak.
I have done this in the past, and found that it is a great way to have others participate, offer insight and comments, and to hopefully keep their/your own diary as well.

I'll start...

Dear Diary and Friends, both old and new,

Hi Diary. Sigh...I'm nervous because in a few hours I will be working the midnight to 8am shift on our hospital switchboard.
I'm nervous because I will be alone, and this shift is very long and tedious. I much prefer the day shift, or the 2nd shift, as they are much busier. I'm taking in some projects, and my ipad, so that is a positive.

I'm also nervous because this office is the sort of "heart" of the hospital. Or maybe the central nervous system. It's amazing.
I'm responsible for finding and paging the doctors, nurses, respiratory teams, and any and all employees on call in the hospital. But if a code happens diary, I get the call first. I then have to page overhead the "code" in a calm and professional manner, and privately and individually beep the house officers, (house doctor) Nursing supervisor, etc, etc. I then have many other steps to follow.

Also, bomb threats, fires, many different maintenance alarms all start in my office. So, tonight I'll be alone and I'm just sort of reviewing my responsibilities here first, with you diary. Yes, I'm up for the job. It's just this shift that I don't like, but who does. I'm lucky to have a job, and I'm willing to pay my dues.

Let's see diary. My best friend was able to confirm the worst. Something that I deeply suspected one year ago, and told her.
Her dad has alzheimer's disease. She lives with him, (she is like a sister to me, and I've known them since I was 12) and we decided to take this day by day. I've sent her a book, but she will need all kinds of support, and that will be me. I was by her side when her mother died, and she has been by my side during my sad times as well.

OK diary, that's all for now. Time to boil the water and make some tea.

Love,
Me.

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Paisleegreen » Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:06 pm

Dear LL--I thought I posted here, but it didn't show. Anyway, I know that you will do a great job tonight, or should I say this morning. I'm sorry to hear about your friend's father, I'm glad you are there for her while she experiences this new event in her life. P

tina martin
Posts: 792
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by tina martin » Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:07 am

Am I in ecstasy this am finding this? Did everything go well during the night? Yes, yes, yes, and more yes. As long as it is not night after night, it is manageable.

The Curse of Alzh. It is in my family: am quite sure brother has drifted into it. I'll be the last one from our original foursome. But I WON'T go there. So now you've uncovered the roots of my mania re diet, exercise, no drugs, all manner of mental stimulation. I am counting on the neuroplasticity of the brain. Some cells may drop off one way or another, others wake up and can compensate. So I've sent out the alarm, "Wake up you sleepers, get to work." Honestly, I can already see some results: personality is improved, kids call and I make them laugh, Boss is getting new Home Schooling in the miracle of the brain.

J, your friend has my total sympathy. She'll need all the support she can get. You can't do that alone for her. No-one can do this alone. It is a nightmare I know only too well. I've almost stopped crying when there are these long silences from N (brother) after my simplest questions or statements. Then only Yes or No. My nieces no longer call me. There is nothing to say about him. In our case strokes do it or even silent TIA's.

Thank you, thank you, dear J for helping me to let this out. Hope you had a good shift and can get rest today.

Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:46 am

Yes, Tina, Alz. is the worst of the worst. I knew one year ago when I visited my friend and her father, that he was showing signs, and we talked about it then. I've known him since I was 12, and when I saw him on father's day, he giggled and giggled.

It is important for my friend to have a diagnosis for him so that she can achieve some practicalities such as..
Power of Attorney, medication, selling the home now and looking for a smaller place, getting the finances in order...
He is delinquent on his taxes because he was just pushing his bills around, so with this diagnosis the IRS might work with them to forgive some of the debt, etc.

There are many, many practical things that she needs to be aware of, and this is how I am helping her. And I listen to her cry.

I talked to him 2 days ago, and he remembers me as a child, so it is very strange. It's devastating what happens to our brains with this disease. Horrible.

I work with a woman whose husband is in the end stage. His doctor told her that if he falls and breaks a bone, a hip for instance, they should not have the hip repaired. (he is in a home) This way he will go sooner, rather then later, if he is bed ridden. He smears his feces and becomes violent.

I'm going to train in the fall to learn to "listen" to patients with early dementia, and pay them "friendly visits" at our hospital. I'm also going to learn to give hand and foot massages to the bedridden patients. I'm looking forward to this.

Maybe I can read to them as well.

My shift. I'm home. I made it. It was fun actually. I multi tasked and was busy on my ipad posting music songs inbetween answering the phone and paging the staff on call. Just two alarms went off. Oxygen reserve and a fire warning.
Nothing serious, and I new what to do.

Now I need to learn how to unwind, as I have a burst of energy.

I just made time and a half. :)

Have a lovely day.

J.
PS
I really am sorry about your brother, Tina, and I do understand your fear. More then you will ever know, actually.

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Paisleegreen » Wed Apr 06, 2011 11:15 am

J, you made it! That's great! That's neat about you being able to learn more about dementia patients and will be able to help the patients out during the night by keeping them company.

Tina, now I understand a little bit more about your brother. As I knew from your postings that you are worried about him and that you didn't know what to do with him. Now I understand because he doesn't make sense or remember things. My eldest sister is now at the beginning stages of losing her memory. And is taking medicine to combat it or help her. Which is some form of Ritalin, but not necessarily Ritalin. She had the realization that the medicine she was taking was for ALZH's and questioned the Dr on it and he had to tell her that that was what the medicine was for.

She is the one that has to write down everything in her day planner and couldn't remember from one conversation to the next when I had them at my house last summer for her Grandson's wedding. When Bro in Law left her with me while he did some errands, it was so odd to have conversations with her. This was not the same "big" sister that I remember at all! And I could see why my niece said that she couldn't go to the airport by herself and fly to the other Grandson's wedding she missed due to car problems.

So I understand exactly why you are working so hard to keep your mind intact and stay in shape. I am working on the same goals. As my mother had strokes and I really don't want to end up like her. :? My husband doesn't have the capacity to care for me the way my father did for my mother, so that is one thing that frightens me. DH can't handle me being sick for a couple of days, or being irritable due to the medicine I was taking. So that scares me a lot! :o

DH came home from being away on business and also staying at my FIL's house. He was quite upset when his father threw away a very hot mustard he brought home from a restaurant. He thought he had hidden it from his Dad in the back of the fridge, but FIL found it, and tasted it and assumed it was Poison because it was so hot! :!:

Now he did this months ago when DH brought home the same Chinese dinner, Pork and Seeds. So he scolded his poor father :| about how he did it months before and now he did it again. Even though DH thought enough to put it in the back of the fridge thinking his father wouldn't find it. I told DH that I hope when I'm 87 years old that I'm not treated like that! :!: I hope I'm not yelled at because I threw something away that I didn't have a clear brain to understand.

I put the blame on DH for not understanding or being in denial that his father does not think straight. They still let him drive his car...I don't get it. Somehow DH thinks Father is more lucid this time around. :roll: When there is evidence to the contrary. When FIL went over to his daughter's house to take his weekly shower, DH's sister said that the washcloth didn't even get wet and he was in the "shower" for an even shorter time than his "3 minutes".

I'm working on letting go, as suggested that I let the family or his children decide what to do. But a younger brother visited his Dad while in town and seemed to be quite upset with what he found. Which was that FIL's car engine was still running out in the driveway and he was downstairs working with a flooded basement. Much to the despair of my FIL he admitted defeat and that he couldn't fix the water leak from a holding tank attached to his coal furnace.

So now the water is completely turned off to the furnace and my Father in Law in no longer building fires in it. Not that he ever did build anything to operate the radiators. :(
Well, thanks for listening, this is quite frustrating for me. I guess because DH doesn't see things as being more important as maybe in my eyes they are.

One other thing that came up was that my FIL calls out, "Who's There!" when he hears someone is in his house. He doesn't lock his doors, never has, and made it a point that he never had to lock his doors when admonished to start locking them because he said that someone has come into the house. (He doesn't hear very well at all.) :(

So anyone could go into his house and do whatever as his house now is on a busy road that use to be a country road. And if the "thief" was observant, he could tell that this man is alone a lot and leaves home for certain events, church and humanitarian service and to see his daughters. This happened to my Aunt, a neighbor of 15 years watched her and her habits and broke into her house while she was away at a usual function, but she was always careful to lock the door. She did prosecute him as the Sheriff Dept. had him on some other robberies in the area. But it made her angry :x and scared :shock: at the same time.

Oh, well, I will work on "letting go" the best I can. The one thing that my husband has always done is that he stays at the family home, while his older brother enjoys the comfort of one of the sister's home. This brother was at odds with his parents at the age of 16 and left home, so he doesn't have the same concern for his Dad as my husband. So he is even more aloof to his father's plight. Which was frustrating as one time FIL was going to leave the house to this son out of all the many children he has. Dear FIL got an earful when he heard about that! :o P.

Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:24 pm

Hi Paislee,
This is a brutal disease. My friend's dad was diagnosed with possible alz, but definitely frontal lobe dementia. You bring up some very good and sound topics.

I first want to say that my friend sat in with her dad and the neurologist, and watched the tests. One was a picture book he was shown, and when he was shown the pyramids, he said, "oh, those are those "triangles". Now, this I knew was a clear sign of dementia and must have been heart breaking for my friend to watch. He was prescribed a pill to treat frontal lobe dementia. I believe it starts with an A. It just helps the disease from progressing as fast as it might, at this stage.

The neurologist asked him about his driving, and of course he said it was fine. He became defensive. She was smart. She said that she is sure it is fine, but let's have the driving test prove it. He must take a driving test. He won't pass.

This is crucial for other people's safety, Paislee. A good doctor will order him to take a new drivers test.

His hearing was tested and he is almost deaf in one ear, and partially deaf in another ear. He refused hearing aids. Interestingly, the woman at the hospital where I work, her husband has lost his hearing as well. I think it could be (guessing here) that the plaque that covers the brain might cover random parts, and hearing loss, (sensory) is maybe where the plaque is sitting on his brain. Also, poor depth perception.

As far as the mustard story, that could be old age, or early signs of dementia. Who knows. Is he hoarding? Is he hiding his bills, or not telling others if he gets lost? Is he covering up many things, because he's confused and embarrassed?

Safety at this stage is extremely important, and educating the family is probably the most important of all.

He was told the diagnosis, along with my friend, very gently, and my friend said it didn't register. He looked away, and then it was gone.

Letting go will come in time, but it seems to me that the family must be educated, and your FIL needs to see a neurologist for a diagnosis, so discussions can start......

Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:36 pm

PS
My friend's father isn't eating well, because he won't complain or say when he is hungry, for example, and my friend has health issues of her own, works full time, and struggles to do all of the chores, plus cooking.

She hired someone to come in twice a week and prepare meals for the week for them, as well as clean the house. Now, her father is eating with a healthy appetite, and the hoarding etc, is going to stop.

They are in serious financial straights, so the house needs to be sold, (they live in a very pricey area which requires membership to an extremely pricey club, which has equity) money can be put aside for his care, and if needed, she can apply for state aid for him. Hopefully, the IRS will take into account his diagnosis.

Some of this hitss home with me, I must say. My friend from the hospital said that her husband started waking her up with a knife to her throat. That's when she knew it was time to put him in the assisted living facility. He is at the end stage now.

But I've been wondering about my husband for awhile. I know it sounds ludicrous, but some things he does just don't make sense to me. Hiding bills, shuffling bills, saying all is fine, extreme aggression, acting "child like".

I may be too close to the mountain to know if there is even a problem, but I'm paying attention.

There might be.

tina martin
Posts: 792
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by tina martin » Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:54 pm

This exchange is the writing on the wall for me. I'm not even going to any neurologist, no tests, no coverups. It is my destiny: the signs are there. The personality got better, I think. I've already given instructions to DH. Poor thing. Stares at me with his white hair and blue eyes and says, "But I'll go to jail." "Don't worry. Just get me the right stuff, I'll sign a convincing document and you can find someone young and perky. I did not put up with it earlier, but it's OK if I'm not here. Find someone petite like me, she can have some of my nice outfits."

Until then we each of us must grasp each moment. That is the only way to triumph. Tell that to your friend, J, tell that to the people taking care of FiL, P.

Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Wed Apr 06, 2011 6:00 pm

Dear diary,
I just read Dr. K's blog re: enabling. It annoyed me.
So. Well diary, that means something. Why am I annoyed?
Ok, diary, I know the answer, and it is not pretty.

First, in my defense, I do not enable Brooke. She is in jail, and I won't post bail.

But, what is annoying me?

Probably the truth is annoying me.

I think lately I like to be seen as "the strong one" in the family. So, in order to do that, I must be .... What?
How am I enabling him? I like being the strong one.

I can't figure the rest of this puzzle out.

Try, diary.

Ok... Here goes..

Maybe because he has lost his job, and has issues with coping, if you will, I enable him so I can be seen as the strong person in the family?

But I like being the strong one...

I'm still annoyed.

Dr K. Hit my last nerve.

Sigh.

I shall return with more insight. I must ponder for awhile...

Love,
Me.

Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Wed Apr 06, 2011 6:05 pm

Tina,
Tina, you do NOT have this disease. You are of very sound mind. You do NOT have it.
Please know this.
I will tell my friend to cherish each moment.
Please have some peace of mind.
You are sounder then me, and I'm 52. ( not sure why my profile says 41)
Numbers on this site are all wrong.
Peace to you Tina.

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