Stress Center Peer Support

Hi everyone, I am new here, and very excited and proud to be starting this program. I'm on week 3-4 now... I don't feel like I'm done with 3 but was excited to move onto 4 so I listened to the cd once today. The reason why I'm writing is because I'm having 2 babyshowers coming up...my boyfriends mom is throwing my one next weekend, and my mom is throwing me one at the end of August. The baby was not planned, so there are a lot of other stressors going on in my life. We need to find an apartment by the end of the month, my unemployment benefits were cut off so I have no income right now, and I'm stressing about the babyshower...and the baby coming on top of that. All of these big changes have been giving me anxiety.
I feel like I might have a panic attack at the shower. I am not great with being the center of attention. One of my phobias is that I'm very panicky when it comes to speaking in front of groups of people...I've never been the center of attention in a social situation like this before, only in school settings. I usually panicked and had an anxiety attack in school when I'm put in that situation. That is what I'm afraid of with the babyshower. I know it is a positive day, its supposed to be fun, but I feel like it is so much pressure. I am just hoping anyone who has been through this can give me some advice...or maybe someone who hasn't been through it. I just wanted to share.
Thank you and God bless

Rae

Hi,

Yes, that is a lot of stress that you are undergoing! But one thing about your type of stress that goes along with an unexpected pregnancy is that you are going to get a beautiful child when it's all said and done:). It really will all work out. Even though the circumstances are stressful, I hope that you can focus on the miracle you have:)! That's all that matters!:)

As far as the showers go, I think you can use some techniques in this program such as positive self talk to get you through. One thing that has helped me in those situations is knowing that I always have a "choice". A lot of things have happened that you don't feel like you had a choice about...getting pregnant unexpectedly, your unemployment benefits running out, but with this, you really do have a choice. The mantra is, "I am free to come and go as I please." This isn't "do or die". I think even though it makes you uncomfortable, deep down you do really want the support and the gifts...you really actually need them. Focus on that, and how it's your choice.

Also, guess what? You're pregnant! What's the benefit of that? You have a variety of reasons to either not show up if it came to that, to leave the room to go to the bathroom to "pee" frequently, to feel nauseated, to have a headache and need to take a nap, to need to put your feet up, etc. The list is exhaustable!!!:) No one has to know you are panicky! And even if you are, guess what? You can blame it on your hormones! You can say, these "hormones are making me more anxious"! It's probably the truth! I can't imagine anyone wouldn't understand that. Can you find someone that's trustworthy to admit that too? Could you tell your boyfriend's mom that you are really feeling the stress with your hormones and you appreciate the support, but you may need to leave the room to calm down sometimes or something like that? I think you have a variety options so you don't feel "stuck" or trapped. You're not. You are in control of this, and you have the freedom and choice to come and go as you please. If you got "sick" and couldn't make it, no one's going to take their gifts back! I don't think it will come to that if you just know that you have many options:)!

Take care,
luvpiggy

Hello and congratulations

I also don't care to be the center of attention and can relate to your feelings. What I have tended to do before I learned better was to focus on the whole situation and it was big and overwhelming and I thought I had to live the whole thing at one time. But-- the time will pass in segments, so take the thing in segments. ( I would answer the door and greet each person. Then you start with one and the group grows gradually. Instead of walking into a room full of people, too.) Like, at a shower, you'll probably play silly games, so focus on others playing and the fun they are having. They are all looking at each other or thinking of their grocery shopping to be done or the TV show they want to watch, etc. And then of course there will be eating, so more conversation among others and focus off of you. During the gift opening, make sure to pass the gifts around and then they will oooh and aaah over the cute stuff and secretly you will be opening the next thing without them looking. Mostly the lookers will be the one who gave you the gift. And keep drinking water, so you have something in your hands, and then... you can excuse yourself to pee. Hee Hee.

I think it's a good idea to confide in someone if you trust them. Hormones are a great blame absorber-- I agree.

Remember that the people who gift you, love you, and you are probably not going to have too many baby showers in your life, so enjoy it while it is here. You don't want to live with a big regret and wishes that you could do it over.

It will be what it is and come and go and that will be that.

Thank you Both for your support and kind words I will let you know how the shower goes.

Lots of Love,

Rach

How did your shower go? Did you get cool stuff?

You know what, it actually went really really well. I was a little anxious at the beginning, but as soon as I saw all of the love and support around me, and started opening the amazing gifts people got us, it really warmed my heart. And I started thinking about how excited and lucky I was to have this support in my life. It makes me not nearly as anxious as I thought I would be about the other shower at the end of August. This one is at a function room in a restaurant. The one we just had was at my boyfriend's mom's house, so it was a little less informal. But going through the experience really gave me some confidence to know that its not that bad, and that it really should be a positive experience. thank you so much for all of your advice and support. XOXO.

I'm so glad for you. Isn't it odd how we build up stuff to be so big and scary and in reality, it's usually OK? I'm glad you got a positive to put on your side.

Have a nice day.
Terri