Stress Center Peer Support

I find myself doing things that sabotage my progress.
I have a bad habit of lying to cover my tracks when I have managed my time poorly by not doing what needs to be done first.
Then I feel guilt and shame because I lied about why I didn't notice a claim right away and that I didn't manage my time well. I do this when it comes to work. I do what I FEEL like doing first, instead of what needs to be done. Then when something slides and is questioned as to why, I lie about why that happened.
I react at a person when it is something that is not done at home when they mention me not getting something done.

I don't do this all the time but the time's that I do it really affect me. Why do I do this? What positive affirmations do I use when I beat myself up for it? I don't want to self-justify but I know that beating and berating myself don't help me to stop this bad behavior/habit either.. HELP! PLEASE! I feel so dang horrible about myself! So much shame...I feel hopeless right now.

anyone have any feedback?

no else has problems with lying when they feel depressed or anxious?? Am the only one?

Hi Molly, I am sure there are lots of liars and we are all guilty of the so called white lie.

I am going to be bold enough to tell you that you are correct when you said at work it is not about you. I would have a hard time validating keeping an employee that is not trustworthy.
It may be learned behaviour that went on or maybe still does. It has no good outcome except more grief and bla bla...
If you start to make yourself accountable you will be enriched and learn that the truth is the ONLY way and I do not mean truth in the relative sence. I am talking accountability to yourself and the people that are directly involved with you. I despise lying if you have not allready came to that conclusion.

Now why do you choose to do it? To get out of being productive? Is there a valid reason?

The managers I know would see thru your foolishness quickly and confront it.

Thank you for your feedback!

Hmm..why do I do it? Well, I think it is a control/fear thing. I do feel alot of anxiety with comprehending the tasks involved at work. I forget about it because I was doing something else that was more entertaining, then I feel ashamed that I didn't remember to do it. It may also have to do with the failure thing..I feel I am not good at anything where I have to think and concentrate(I have difficulty focusing) so why do it? I'll avoid it and do something else..maybe it is to prove to myself I am a failure..?(I do that with things that are difficult to grasp at home as well.Except at home I don't lie about it, I just react with anger and shame with myself and to others) So then I quickly form a "white lie" to cover my butt. Then I feel so bad about it and myself.

But this person at work is not someone I can tell her that I told a lie. She is NOT a safe person. She would berate me and never let me forget it. So here I am.

Coming here and talking about it is me trying to be accountable for myself. Also a very scary step for me since so many people judge others for lying. I also have been trying to change my actions and for the most part I have...yet every once and awhile..."POOF" I react to covering my butt with a lie. I too HATE the LIE...that is why I beat myself up for it when I do it!!

So again...maybe I need to work on the anxiety and negative self talk and I will get that lie before it passes my lips at work. There is no such thing as a little lie to me..since it is so difficult to live with myself with the so called "little lies". Yet...I forgive someone who has lied to me...why is it so difficult to forgive myself?

Thank you for atleast sharing your thoughts.

Quote,I do feel alot of anxiety with comprehending the tasks involved at work. I forget about it because I was doing something else that was more entertaining

That is a great analogy of the evil circle that we can get ourselves into. It is like a whirlpool that will in time suck us down. You realize what is doing it so now start being proud of yourself and do it. We are all human and fail. The trick is to learn and try at not failing.
Please stop berating yourself. It is that thinking that is causeing your trigger to avoid the tasks at hand. Make time for your break by getting ahead instead of reacting to being behind with denial.
Your writing this will give you more strength and foundation layed to continue building your new you on. Practice learning to love and value yourself. We do and thanks for sharing.

thank you so much for your reply. I will keep this in mind while I work on this. You have helped so much

Molly I think you have already nailed the problem. I dont think its beating yourself up by itself. You said NEGATIVE SELF TALK! Do that tape again. then redo it. If that doesnt work do it again!

thank you Wildcard, I will remember practice practice practice. It is very difficult to behave in this manner when I hear how people talk about people who lie. I appreciate the support from you both..it really gives me hope