Stress Center Peer Support

I have some difficulty while trying to recover in this program with the negative influences of my family and boyfriend. How do you cope with their high expectations of you? Or them thinking you have to do things perfectly? I am on my last day of session 1 so maybe it is discussed later in the program...but anyone have any tips for what I can do now? I do practice the Jump Start videos affirmations but I find it is difficult not to react with guilt, anger, and shame about myself and my actions or lack of action...when one of them is acting out with their "stinking thinking"? I find that my anxiety and poor self esteem gets to get really upset and sets me into a downward spiral of anxiety and depression. Any tips or stories about how you do or don't deal with it is appreciated. Thanks!

I think one thing that helps or that will give you something to work with quickly, is to write down the negative thought, but even before that, as the next lessons should cover that...(I think..)is to put the lie to the thought.

NinjaFrodo talks about it on one of the Session threads. Think about what is wrong with their thinking. Just think of something that counters the negative thought you have about yourself or what they said. Which was probably out of anger or their own negative thinking and they want to keep you "down". It is human nature for others to keep you down.

It takes more energy to think positively if you are in the habit of being negative. So they (others) are usually in the same boat. Much of it is learned behavior from TV, radio, movies, childhood, parents, friends, enemies, and so on.

The Serenity Prayer is helpful also if you can get that memorized to recite over and over again. Paislee

Think positively on purpose is not right,that's gona cost you more,some times we are just being unlucky ,we should always find some real pleasure instead of comfort our self.

Smallyfish--What do you mean think positively on purpose is not right? Can you expand on that statement. There is nothing wrong about finding comfort. What is your reasoning for comfort vs pleasure? I'm not quite understanding your comments.

What do you mean about just being "unlucky"? How does that differ from someone blatantly used you as their "whipping post" or "dumped on you" all their negativity? Is that unlucky or is there a reason for it. Maybe our meanings are the same, but are using different words to explain it.

We have every right to comfort ourselves, Rhesus Monkey's do it and little children comfort themselves when in "pain" by wanting their blankets, bottle or mother.

We can comfort ourselves in a healthy manner by using distraction such as mentioned by Lucinda, go clean a closet or go running or take a walk.

Unhealthy ways is by drinking alcohol, smoking a cigarette or eating fattening foods that all has the possibility of shortening our lives and cost money.

Please clarify your meaning...because I'm not understanding what you stated. Thanks, Paislee

Thank you Paisleegreen. I do know the serenity prayer and am in another twelve step program as well. This program really helps me to have a laid out day by day set of steps to apply for a week which helps me get into a routine to do this positive thinking better. I need more structure right now and this program is helping me with the structure it gives.

I think I also want to find that perfect way to not be affected right now instead of feeling bad and making mistakes like reacting. I don't want to feel guilt or shame or anger..I think that is something I just need to accept while I feel those feelings too.

I just feel frustrated because when I am alone I practice the affirmations pretty well, feel pretty good and then when I am around these negative people...WHAM!! It all comes crashing down to the floor. Trying to remember these positive things in the moment of someone blaming and shaming is more difficult. How do you do it while you are IN the situation? That is a tough one to start my brain to function on awareness. Is it something that just happens over time of practicing the steps?? Maybe I might just need to practice alittle patience and acceptance of the process of things...sigh. I feel so upset and panic when I am uncomfortable. Thank you for your insights.

I do start beating myself up for feeling these feelings and for reacting especially. Then it creates that vicious cycle of feeling bad with guilt and shame for reacting, then I beat myself up for feeling that way and think I should be perfectly under control of those feelings.. and in my mind to perfectly control those feelings is to not feel them ever again. NOT RATIONAL but that is where my head goes. Then I feel down and depressed because I can't achieve perfection!! AHHHH!! LOL!! Do you feel that way too?

smallyfish...yes. Would you elaborate on your comments a bit more? I feel I am not understanding where you are coming from with the words you used. Just want to understand better.

Hi--You are doing great! Yes, you are feeling those feelings because you are human! You are allowed to feel those feelings. You have every right to defend yourself and protect yourself. You are an adult and a child of God.

You deserve some understanding on their part as well. So don't put yourself down...just tell yourself you are learning and when anyone learns something new, they are going to stumble. And it takes practice. My last Psychologist would practice saying things to people by using a pillow. One side was that person and the other was me talking to that person.

Anyway, I gotta get going, but it really helped with CBT training. Dr David Burns Good Mood Therapy Books are excellent as well as Lucinda's CDs and book.

His workbook 10 steps to Self-Esteem is what helped me to wean off of anti-depressants and xanax. This website is very helpful. I'll check in after I'm back from my errands. Paislee

Practice saying the words you need to say...pretty soon they will come automatic and a part of you. Just know that you are going to be okay!

thank you so much hon!! I really needed to hear that!

You are welcome, Sweetie Pie! BTW, my eye DR says I don't have to wear glasses to drive. Which the licensing people said that too 4 months ago when I renewed my driver's license. So somehow my eyes have changed. Yippee!

I did pretty good to drive to the office and sit there waiting in uncomfortable chairs. I wonder what happened to the comfy couches?! :p Then after the eye chart exam, they dilated my eyes, I started to feel pretty good because it must have something that relaxes something if it is going to cause my eyes to dilate!

It was so nice to be on dry pavement with hardly any people on the freeway or other busy roads normally at the lunch hour. The sun was shining and it was a great day to get out and about. And to have a young Dr shake my hand and congratulate me on not needing a prescription for a change in my vision for distance.

And for my needing something to read music, I can go to the $1.00 store for that and he wrote down what # to look at. Also, I did get a prescription if I did want glasses made up, which would affect one eye.

I then came home to a quiet house and heated up some Christmas Dinner leftovers. Turkey, potatoes and gravy and one luxury, a cherry chocolate! I still gotta watch the sugar intake... How are you doing? Paislee

I'm finding it hard being at work and trying to ignore the negative garbage that comes out of people around me. It's very narrow-minded and ignorant and I find it "disrupts" me when I'm just trying to work and concentrate and not have any negative thoughts of my own!

I think that if you recognize that the people in your life are negative, that's a GOOD thing for you...you realize it's THEM and not YOU. The next step is just learning how to dismiss it and cope. I think it's all part of the process.

I've been lucky to not have to work out in the world lately, and the work I'm doing now is service oriented and of free choice. But that doesn't mean that I'm not subjected to some negativity since DH and I own a business.

It is a rough world out there. You might see a post that Creamcheese and I posted about "meeting a real mean woman" I think you will be seeing many people coming here to learn how to cope w/ negative people and learn to recognize the ones to ignore and the others to confront.

You will get stronger and you won't react to them as much and then they will have to change the way they act towards you. You'll learn that more on Lesson 14, at least that is the # of my CD. I listen to that one while I take a bath. I have other CDs in my car CD player and use a another CD player in my kitchen. I switch them periodically. They all help. P.