Stress Center Peer Support

I haven't posted here in ages.. or so it feels like it.

I can't say things have gotten better for me, hopefully there is hope or one day it actually will stop. I have been abusing vicodin because it helps with so many problems. I have finally gotten xanax for my anxiety but it seems to just make me feel out of it and not here. I'm still going to try another antidepressant when i get the chance and i have went to a therapist finally. The reason why i wanted to post here is because i have had my first experience of a death in my family. My grandfather passed away a few days ago and when i found out i felt completely numb inside as if all of my emotions shut down. I feel more depressed than anxiety lately. I feel like i can't cry or do anything much, the only feeling i have that is good is when i take a Vicodin. My grandmother says she cannot wait until she dies and goes to heaven and will suffer no more pain on this earth. She keeps saying this and it makes me feel depressed if i have to live on earth with "pain" until i wait my turn which was her answer to my question.

There are several things happening in my life (including my only brother dying) that would, I believe, cause some others to seek the typical meds. I have and will continue to resist them fiercely.

What I have learned is that we produce our own feel good brain waves if we don't dull and suffocate them artificially with the meds. My answer to the pain is exercise, reading, thinking, writing, learning, accepting the inevitable ups and downs. Exercise stimulates those dopamines so I can get by without the stuff hoisted on us.

Lostgirl,

I've experienced people close to my dying as well, at a young age. What I can tell you is that everybody deals with grief in their own way. I remember I cried immediately when I found out that my grandmother had died and it seems like I didn't stop for 6 months. My brother on the otherhand didn't cry when he found out, and he DIDN'T cry for 6 months! He felt nothing until that 6 months went by and he then grieved for quite a while. Everyone deals with things differently. I don't think taking vicodin is going to help you in the long run, and the fact that you said you can't feel at all probably has something to do with the vicodin.