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Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 8:04 am
by pearpickinporky
It took a while to build up the courage but today I tried, problem has been with no assertiveness I generally got walked over at work, I got all the rubbish jobs no one else wanted to do and had to do others work as well because they didn't pull there weight.
Well today I tackled my line manager, he told me to do something, I put my foot down and said
"No sorry I can't do that this time, I am always left to do these tasks and I think its time everything got shared out equally"
He went and got the boss and explained the situation and I explained what had been going on, and his response? "If you don't like it go home" my heart sank as this is not supposed to happen, your supposed to get what you want not end up like this, needless to say I stayed and did the job but now I fear getting sacked for being a trouble maker and feel even more depressed now.
I don't know how other work colleagues can just say NO and nothing is said and I get told to go home and now I just feel trapped.
Any ideas
Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 9:22 am
by Guest
just be mindful of the timing and the words you use to express your discontent, remember its not just what you say but how you say it that matters most.....keep building yourself up and remember from now you got them thinking and that is a plus... if a may say it.. God is in control and he will decide when if you should move to a diferent place, who knows may be your enviroment is what has contributed to your state of mind... but what thing i'm certain of , " you will be alright".. take it a day at a time and let things take their own course..
Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 5:11 pm
by Guest
Pear -
Sorry things didn't work out so well. You were right to be assertive and it sounds like you handled things well. The one thing you got wrong is that things don't always work out the way we want. There are some situations where we don't have control. This is one of those "life isn't fair" moments. So while you're assertive behavior didn't work out for you this time, you did stick up for yourself like you always should. That's something to be proud of. Keep building your self esteem and practicing your assertiveness even though it wasn't so successful this time. It will be of great value in other areas and times in your life.
Jamie
Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:03 am
by Guest
Hi Pear-
You get a gold star for trying, I think. You probably shocked the socks off this manager. Keep your chin up and watch the situations that come up and keep practicing. Maybe start on a smaller issue and feel success and then move on up.
It is SCARY to say how you feel, but very empowering. And when other people don't accept it, I think it's easy to second guess yourself. But, obviously you felt strongly, so it is valid.
Good luck with it.
Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:49 pm
by Guest
I actually feel stupid because it didn't do me any good what so ever, Life is very unfair, I mean we are not told this as kids that 90% of the times things will not work out the way we want, I think I need to go through the programme again
Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 6:24 pm
by Guest
Ok attempt #2...my last one didn't go through because of some kinda key words or something.
perpickinporky
Listen to what you are saying, You just stood up for yourself for the first time, despite the immense fear...that is amazing!!! There is nothing stupid about that and you coudln't be more wrong about it not helping you. You faced a limitation, took action and got an outcome in which you could learn from.
These people have been pushing your buttons for awhile now and so even though you stood up for yourself, they think they can still push your buttons. I would think the line manager might think twice about it though as he had to get the main boss to help. It sounds like you are a really great worker and they probabbly do not want to lose that and thus decided to keep that going to say what they did to you.
Its hard to know what went wrong because we don't know the body language, pitch, eye contact and other things.
Either way you have a few choices.
1)Continue to beat yourself up and feel bad
2)write up a job description, take it into the boss and ask if thats right...you then do only the things on that job description
3)learn more assertiveness skills, practice in a safe setting and then try again
4)Be less effected and respond in a diffrent way to the situations. That means changing the way you think about the job.
5)Start to look for a new job
Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 6:33 pm
by Guest
There are some commonalities when it comes to applying assertiveness
Saying how you feel about situations. Its only complaining when we say I'm the only one who has to do this or gets this...saying I feel really upset because this is happening to me or I really don't appreciate how i'm being treated here. Sometimes its also necessary to repeat the same thing over and over and over again. ie. A family member wants you to do something for them and you tell them "i'm sorry i can't do it" and they ask why. You repeat yourself and say "i'm sorry i can't" and you keep saying that and they will eventually give up. I think they call that the broken record technique.
You know i was in a similar situation. I was working at tim hortons and i was going through the program for the 1st time. I was blamed alot for things i had no control over and was being yelled at and i didn't appreciate it. I found out my roommate got into the LCBO warehouse very easily by going through a temp agency and i figured i could probabbly do it to. I didn't really take action until i was pushed over the edge. The head manager actually blamed me for something and i just got so angry so on my break i wrote out my 2 weeks notice on paper and handed it in when i got back. She felt bad and asked me if it was because of something she said and i said nope...i did that because i was sick of the place and i didn't want to work it out with her and be manipulated into staying. It worked out well as i did get into the warehouse and then shortly after, i got into collage.
Mike
Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 4:12 am
by Guest
Originally posted by NinjaFrodo:
There are some commonalities when it comes to applying assertiveness
Saying how you feel about situations. Its only complaining when we say I'm the only one who has to do this or gets this...saying I feel really upset because this is happening to me or I really don't appreciate how i'm being treated here. Sometimes its also necessary to repeat the same thing over and over and over again. ie. A family member wants you to do something for them and you tell them "i'm sorry i can't do it" and they ask why. You repeat yourself and say "i'm sorry i can't" and you keep saying that and they will eventually give up. I think they call that the broken record technique.
You know i was in a similar situation. I was working at tim hortons and i was going through the program for the 1st time. I was blamed alot for things i had no control over and was being yelled at and i didn't appreciate it. I found out my roommate got into the LCBO warehouse very easily by going through a temp agency and i figured i could probabbly do it to. I didn't really take action until i was pushed over the edge. The head manager actually blamed me for something and i just got so angry so on my break i wrote out my 2 weeks notice on paper and handed it in when i got back. She felt bad and asked me if it was because of something she said and i said nope...i did that because i was sick of the place and i didn't want to work it out with her and be manipulated into staying. It worked out well as i did get into the warehouse and then shortly after, i got into collage.
Mike
Thanks, I think I have made my decisions, I will use this as a motivator to get another job, That experience is etched on my memory and I'm not going to put up with it any longer, there are some things that will never change, I have recognized this finally.
Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 4:51 am
by Guest
Good, another job will give you a fresh start and you can start off being assertive this time. Keep in mind you need to pick and choose wisely what needs to be confronted with assertiveness and what doesn't because assertiveness isn't always the answer. In some cases its more benefical to change the way that we think. Plus you can think about your current bosses and how you will be throwing in their face that you will not put up with their manipulation anymore and how great that is going to feel.
Mike
Posted: Tue Jun 22, 2010 12:27 pm
by Guest
Hi pear-
It sounds like you did in fact learn stuff from this situation. It's interesting to read what you went thru. I hope I can learn something from it myself.
Good luck on the job search.