Posted: Mon May 31, 2010 6:35 pm
I wanted to ask a question, though im not that far in the program yet. I'm sort of scared because my cat died in 2009 new years after eating part of a piece of window blinds. I only had him for 2 years but he was close to me like a baby. I was afraid of this one dying because in 2007 our other cat died outside and that tore me apart though i was on antidepressants and xanax at the time for my panic disorder and the xanax helped a great deal to calm me down, though that is the first time i've ever seen my dad cry .
When we got the 2nd cat..I would always watch my cat when he was sleeping to see if he was breathing because i was so afraid of him not breathing. Then one day when i looked at him in my fathers room laying in the floor i saw he wasnt breathing and i was so scared i couldnt go back in that room i couldn't fully look at him dead like that i refuse to think he was gone. i couldn't accept this.
i had the most horrible panic attack that felt like i lost a part of happiness i had. Then i developed TMJ which i went to therapist and she told me was form the anger i had of the loss. I lost alot of faith and i felt that everything in this world dies and there is nothing we can do about it and life is one big depression and i felt empty and cold.
About a few weeks later in the next month that year i went to the pet shop with my sister and picked up a cat to see if that would help my depression and i burst into tears. Now my friend's cat is having kittens and i dont know if i should keep it or not because the last cat dying i was so close to and it tore me apart. I'm so scared this one might die. because no matter how hard i tried to keep the last one alive it died so fast.
I'm afraid of my father dying too i always look at him to see if hes breathing because he had a pill popping problem and drank. So one day he almost overdosed onpills and i held onto him calling 911 and this was a huge trauma on me i thought i was going to lose him too. Sometimes i hide his pills that aren't perscribed to him. He went to rehab and got better but he still takes pain pills for his back since it hurts. I am so scared all the time now. I'm afraid of him dying or anyting else that i love in my life. I dont know how to get over this. This is a big part of my fear just typing this is making me crying so easily because this is part of my anxiety.
The first cat we had brought me and my dad close together. I don't live with my mom because i never got along with her or her husband she use to live with. But the cats we've had they would do funny things and would just bring us together just to laugh at the funny things he use to do. Now to this day since the 2nd cat that looked exactly like the old one had died. since last year and now i sit in my room and hardly talk to him. All i feel is anger. The room is like an escape all i have is this computer i don't even want to be apart of the world because of anxiety and feelings and all of this. I hate reality and i'd rather live in a fantasy world.
When we got the 2nd cat..I would always watch my cat when he was sleeping to see if he was breathing because i was so afraid of him not breathing. Then one day when i looked at him in my fathers room laying in the floor i saw he wasnt breathing and i was so scared i couldnt go back in that room i couldn't fully look at him dead like that i refuse to think he was gone. i couldn't accept this.
i had the most horrible panic attack that felt like i lost a part of happiness i had. Then i developed TMJ which i went to therapist and she told me was form the anger i had of the loss. I lost alot of faith and i felt that everything in this world dies and there is nothing we can do about it and life is one big depression and i felt empty and cold.
About a few weeks later in the next month that year i went to the pet shop with my sister and picked up a cat to see if that would help my depression and i burst into tears. Now my friend's cat is having kittens and i dont know if i should keep it or not because the last cat dying i was so close to and it tore me apart. I'm so scared this one might die. because no matter how hard i tried to keep the last one alive it died so fast.
I'm afraid of my father dying too i always look at him to see if hes breathing because he had a pill popping problem and drank. So one day he almost overdosed onpills and i held onto him calling 911 and this was a huge trauma on me i thought i was going to lose him too. Sometimes i hide his pills that aren't perscribed to him. He went to rehab and got better but he still takes pain pills for his back since it hurts. I am so scared all the time now. I'm afraid of him dying or anyting else that i love in my life. I dont know how to get over this. This is a big part of my fear just typing this is making me crying so easily because this is part of my anxiety.
The first cat we had brought me and my dad close together. I don't live with my mom because i never got along with her or her husband she use to live with. But the cats we've had they would do funny things and would just bring us together just to laugh at the funny things he use to do. Now to this day since the 2nd cat that looked exactly like the old one had died. since last year and now i sit in my room and hardly talk to him. All i feel is anger. The room is like an escape all i have is this computer i don't even want to be apart of the world because of anxiety and feelings and all of this. I hate reality and i'd rather live in a fantasy world.
