Stress Center Peer Support

Hi everybody!

I am a 21-yearold girl/woman who has been dealing with anxiety and panicattacks since april last year. I have tried everything there is on the market - therapy, CBT, internet-based CBT, antidepressives (HATED THEM!!) and I have also read Lucindas book and listened to the program, but not finnished it.

A while ago I finnished my one year-therapy with my terapheut (CBT) and I felt better. i did not feel great, I did not feel good but at least I felt OK. But now theese scary feelings are back. I am losing hope... this will never ever go away.

My number one concern are the feelings of unreality. The depersonalization. I do not feel any connection to myself at all. I have been reading some on the website and people who seem to suffer with anxiety/dp seem to get theese "unreality"-attacks once in a while. But I am in a CONSTANT unreal state!! I feel like I am going crazy. How can you be "normal" and not feel like you know who you are?! I am constantly afraid of myself and I can not bear to be alone. I would give an arm or a leg just to loose this horrible feeling. Can this be the start of a severe mental illness? Will I end up in a mental hospital? I feel like I have no control over me. I have no idea how I manage to chew, pick up the phone or do all theese "automatic" things. I feel like I am trapped in my own body. I feel like such a stranger to myself.

I have felt theese horrible feelings more or less every day the last year. I almost do not remember the time when I did not have anxiety. All I think about is my anxiety. I have like little dialogues with myself and use different arguements that this is/is not a mental illness. This is/is not ever going to stop. It is like I am smiling for one minute, and crying the other. It is really nervewrecking to constantly think about the SAME thing ALL THE TIME. I am soooooo sick and tired of this. I do not want to dwell on it anymore. I want to think about trips, shopping, boys and parties. Or WHATEVER. Just not the same thing over and over again. I have lost control of myself. I can not focus on anything anymore without thinking and feeling anxious.

I feel like such a failure. I have tried everything that is supposed to "cure" this, but nothing worked. So this is how my life will look like... just great. If this is the way it is going to be I do not want to live. But I am to scared of death.

I also have theese STUPID existential and philosophic thoughts that are really bugging me. I think they are connected to the feelings of unreality. Who am I, what is life, who are all theese people and so on. I really do not care about this, but it still pops up in my mind.

Please, somebody write me womething. Anything. I can not take this anymore. I feel so alone.

Best wishes,

Belma

Belmisen,

I think what you said about feeling ok but not good is something positive. It shows an improvement. It may not be ideal, but I've found that it took me a long time to get this way, so it will take a long time to unlearn some bad habits and relearn good ones.

I understand your frustration, lonliness, and fear. I know there are many others on this forum who understand it too. We understand because we've been there. We have struggled with the same issues and we're here to support and get support. Please give yourself the gift of time...time to heal. I found that if I focused on healing and not recovering that I understood the process better. (Simply because in my mind recovery has a different connotation than healing.)

Anyhow, you are not abnormal. The things you are experiencing are common to anxiety sufferers. Allow your main symptoms to guide you to healing. The feeling of unreality and being out of control seem to be number one on the list, so journal or post or whatever works to find out what's behind these feelings of being out of control. Are you in school studying something you don't like? Are you in a career that brings no fulfillment? What is behind your fear of being alone. There's something in your past that gave you a negative feeling about being alone. Pinpoint it. Then you'll have a place to start with replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones.

For instance, you've journaled and remembered a long forgotten incident in which you were left alone as a child (the reasons don't really matter) but you remember being terrified and not knowing how you would take care of yourself until your parent(s) got back. You remember not knowing how you would even feed yourself. So now in the present you can say to yourself things that would have soothed you back then. Probably the biggest would be, "It's ok, there's nothing to be afraid of. I'm alone but I know how to provide for my own needs. I know how to stay safe and well." I know this seems ridiculous at first, but over time you'll learn how to soothe your own mind.

Also do the breathing techniques from the program. Teach your body how to relax and your mind will follow. I didn't really believe that at first, but by doing I saw that it does work and now I believe in it 100%. Whether its CBT or the techniques here, the intent is the same, to interrupt the cycle of thoughts and symptoms. Once the cycle is interrupted (temporarily stopped) is when you can jump in with some positive affirmations and truth.

Which is what you are craving. Which may be why you are "troubled" with existential questions. Those questions may be a signal that the work you've been doing over the last year has been effective. Your brain is now putting some essential questions in your head as a result of your ability to think clearer than you were previously. Everyone wrestles with those questions. I would view their presence as a positive rather than stupid.

I hope you can be encouraged today. You aren't hopeless and you aren't alone. Keep working on the program and on taking care of yourself. You will get there. It does take time. Often times it seems like it takes too long, but don't believe that lie. It takes as long as you need to adjust to your new way of thinking.

Peace to you!

Hang in there. I know that this is easier said than done, but you will get better. I am 35 and have been suffering from anxiety off and on for 11 years. Have you tried going to a mental health facility and talking with someone in this area of expertise? I do, and to me they know more of what is best for us than the average MD. You may need to try meds again. There are some good ones out there, you just need to find one that is best for you. Try deep breathing exercises and muscle relaxation as much as possible. WE WILL BEAT THIS!!!!

Hey! I'm brandon, and i'm also 21 yrs. old. You reminded me a lot of myself there. I'm constantly thinking that i'm losing my mind and going insane. I ask those same questions. I think I have obsessive compulsive disorder, though, but not sure. I'm always obsessing over everything, especially about how screwed up my mind is. I questioned just a second ago, eating eggs. Is it wrong because that egg would have become a chicken if not pulled from it's mother. Just stupid stuff, but some thoughts really scare me. Life do I really care about people. Are they real? Stupid stuff.

I know how you feel, you need to trust yourself and say I Can do it...Don't give up there is help !

Hi,

I haven't posted on here in a while, but your thread stood out to me. Although I don't have the time or energy to go through my long speech about depersonalization right now, maybe you can look through my older postings and threads and maybe something I said in the past about it can help. I think you've already gotten some really good advice. I will say the following:

1. I had depersonalization as my main symptom for years, and I felt exactly the way you feel about it. I would say I spent about 80 to 90% of my days experiencing that symptom. It didn't seem normal to feel that way all of the time, but now...I can't remember the last time I had that symptom!!!:) I know you can't see that happening right now, but it CAN AND WILL happen for you TOO!

2. Depersonalization is just your body's way of protecting you from stress. Your body is releasing its own drugs. It will NEVER kill you, make you crazy, etc....in fact it's a sign that your body is protecting you from going crazy.

3. Look into adrenal fatigue. After you go through periods of prolonged stress, you can experience adrenal fatigue for a long time after, and depersonalization was my main symptom of adrenal fatigue. You don't want to shy away from life as this program teaches you to live, but there are times where prolonged periods of rest, relaxation, exercise, humor, a good and healthy diet, etc. are necessary to get your adrenal glands healthy again.

4. You talk about not knowing who you are, etc., and that gets into identity development. For me, I had experienced horrendous abuse in a dysfunctional family, and my life was so defined by the role I played in that family that I really didn't know who I was when I reached a certain period in young adulthood. When you grow up in that type of environment which is unhealthy, you don't have the resources to devote to normal identity development that occurs in a healthy family because you are too busy surviving. So, when I got married, got out of the family of origin, and then my son was diagnosed with severe autism when I was a young mother, I didn't have strong identity development to deal with it all. I have spent the past ten years doing that work, and although that is a long time, when you do it, depersonalization resolves, and you really are "better than you were before".

Take care,
luvpiggy

The symptoms of depersonalization will eventually stop when you stop having the panic attacks. Once I was able to prevent myself from having a panic attack, the feelings of depersonlization disappeared after 10 months. Recovery is a long process and it took me almost 2 years to completely be free of any panicky feelings.

If you want to recover from this disorder, you first must learn how to cope with your symptoms without giving in to them and triggering a panic attack. Having a single panic attack can set you back for months. Also keep external stressors to a minimum and listen to the programme whenever you feel a panic attack coming on. It's difficult and incredibly frustrating having to live day-to-day with such stressful symptoms and negative repetitive thoughts. I know exactly how you feel, but you can recover, it can be done - myself and many others are living proof of that. I have not had a panic attack in 2 and a half years.

Thank you guys so much for taking the time to write to me. You have no idea how much that means to me. You make me feel less alone. I am just really, really tired of being me. I wish I just could be somebody else for one day. To have "normal" problems and not problems that I create in my head. It seems like I just can not stop thinking about negative and scary stuff. It comes automatically to me. For example, if I see somebody in the supermarket who looks kind of weird then I automatically think he will rob the store and shoot everybody. The sick thing is that I get really afraid and feel like I am going to die any second. I just want to run home in that moment. I do not understand how I can think likte that?! How can it be so convincing?! I am just really confused about everything. And tired. It honestly feels like this is never going to go away. I am not that kind of person that kan just let time take its course. I am a person who dwells on things for ages.

When I do not have theese horrible feelings, I start to think about them and they come back. I do not want to think about it anymore, but I just can seem to stop. I wrote here on this forum to get some feedback from ppl who suffer from the same thing that I do, because I am tired of "experts" and people who know about it but hasnt had it.

I would love and appreciate if somebody could give me some advices on how to deal with the dp because I can not seem to "calm" myself.

Much love,

Belma

Belma
you have been given some really good advice on here. I think you should re read what New Nana and Luvpiggy wrote to you. It is going to take time there's not any quick cures out there. It's worth the effort and energy you put into it. You have been having anxiety and panic for a little over a year. Me? more than 30 years almost 35 actually. I never had a program like this when I was 21 I wish I had and I wish I had worked on it . It would have saved me ALOT of grief and pain. I encourage you to be Patient and take the time to really let the lessons sink in. And do the workbook. Sessions 8 and 10 have helped me alot, especially in regards to scaring myself with my thoughts.. Take care and remember you are not alone and so many of us totally relate to you okay?

Jill~

I feel like you do...i'm clueless as well... please somebody help us.

Originally posted by Belmisen:
Hi everybody!

I am a 21-yearold girl/woman who has been dealing with anxiety and panicattacks since april last year. I have tried everything there is on the market - therapy, CBT, internet-based CBT, antidepressives (HATED THEM!!) and I have also read Lucindas book and listened to the program, but not finnished it.

A while ago I finnished my one year-therapy with my terapheut (CBT) and I felt better. i did not feel great, I did not feel good but at least I felt OK. But now theese scary feelings are back. I am losing hope... this will never ever go away.

My number one concern are the feelings of unreality. The depersonalization. I do not feel any connection to myself at all. I have been reading some on the website and people who seem to suffer with anxiety/dp seem to get theese "unreality"-attacks once in a while. But I am in a CONSTANT unreal state!! I feel like I am going crazy. How can you be "normal" and not feel like you know who you are?! I am constantly afraid of myself and I can not bear to be alone. I would give an arm or a leg just to loose this horrible feeling. Can this be the start of a severe mental illness? Will I end up in a mental hospital? I feel like I have no control over me. I have no idea how I manage to chew, pick up the phone or do all theese "automatic" things. I feel like I am trapped in my own body. I feel like such a stranger to myself.

I have felt theese horrible feelings more or less every day the last year. I almost do not remember the time when I did not have anxiety. All I think about is my anxiety. I have like little dialogues with myself and use different arguements that this is/is not a mental illness. This is/is not ever going to stop. It is like I am smiling for one minute, and crying the other. It is really nervewrecking to constantly think about the SAME thing ALL THE TIME. I am soooooo sick and tired of this. I do not want to dwell on it anymore. I want to think about trips, shopping, boys and parties. Or WHATEVER. Just not the same thing over and over again. I have lost control of myself. I can not focus on anything anymore without thinking and feeling anxious.

I feel like such a failure. I have tried everything that is supposed to "cure" this, but nothing worked. So this is how my life will look like... just great. If this is the way it is going to be I do not want to live. But I am to scared of death.

I also have theese STUPID existential and philosophic thoughts that are really bugging me. I think they are connected to the feelings of unreality. Who am I, what is life, who are all theese people and so on. I really do not care about this, but it still pops up in my mind.

Please, somebody write me womething. Anything. I can not take this anymore. I feel so alone.

Best wishes,

Belma