Stress Center Peer Support

Hi all hope all is well with everyone! I'm doing ok depression is getting bad again due to my mother pulling a bad stunt and my mother in law pulling a stunts they are draining the life out of me.My therapist says i'm just gonna have to start saying no but then I have terrible guilt!The hopelessness is creeping back in I feel like I have no hope or way out of this mess.Til next time....April

I once heard that other people make you feel guilty only if you give them permission to. I think that there's a lot of truth in that statement. If you are doing you're best you can and it's not good enough for someone else, that's their problem. Unfortunately, we anxiety-prone folks tend to be people-pleasers and we want everyone to like us. The problem with that is that it makes us easy to manipulate. At some point, we have to stand up and say NO! Don't let your mothers take advantage of you. You have needs as much as they do and sometimes your needs come first.

Hi AprilT

A book that helped me to pull away a bit from my crabby grandma is called "Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend". I decided that she was choosing to be crabby and mean but I didn't have to be around it. I could decide to take care of myself. She doesn't like it of course, but her behavior has changed a bit since I won't "bite" when she tempts me with the old ways. I also have had to realize that I can't make her change as much as I would like a Walton-type family. It's not gonna happen. So, I am more realistic now and try to nurture my kids to be a great family together and to squash the seeds of the old family habits and nurture the sprouts of new ways of relating and loving each other.

If only in your mind, tell them to take a leap. And make adult decisions that are good for you.