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I was divorced years ago. My then wife did not want to be bothered with my anxiety. I recently met a woman who is wonderful, and I had thought about asking her for a quiet, simple date. This is a big step for me, I feel confident enough to ask her but I'm worried if she finds out about my anxiety she won't want to go out at all. How do you tell someone you like that you have anxiety? Should you say anything at all? Is it best to wait until your over your anxiety before you date? Does anyone have any thoughts on dating when you have anxiety?

Stop being anxious and ask her out. Trynot burning the bridge before you get over it.
Best of luck and take some simple flowers.

Runphil, I understand where you're coming from in light of your former wife's lack of emotional support. I hope you can stike a balance in this situation, seeing your strengths and areas for improvement! I hope you can approach all of this with a sense of humor; and practice less anxiety about your history with some anxieties... Who knows, maybe your date has some rich history to share! It might help if you try as best as you can to relax, developing an awareness of what you see going on in her life, putting the focus there a bit, and less on your experiences with anxiety. Try as best you can to strike a balance. Let the focus be more on developing your relationship with her, and less focus on your relationship with anxiety...

I think SoWhatif and truthseeker make excellent points. Instead of wondering how it might fail, starting thinking of all of the wonderful possibilities. Positive thoughts deserve more of a chance to "fester" in our minds. Its a new opportunity for a deeper friendship and perhaps love. And while its nice to wonder about even the pleasant things, you still want to live in the moment. Put your all into right now and try not to waste your energy worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet.

Also, I'm sorry about your ex-wife. I don't know how good your relationship was but not everyone is equipped to handle certain things in life like anxiety. However, I think its wonderful that your here dealing with your anxiety. I think it shows initiative, promise and accomplishment. You're doing what you need to do to live a happy and fulfilling life. Concentrate on that and maybe the rest will follow. One step at a time...

I've been wondering the same thing. I am divorced and my husband wasn't understanding or supportive about my depression and anxiety. Now that I am back on the dating scene, I wonder how soon I should tell men about my problems. I wonder if they can handle them. I wonder if I deserve a relationship at all or if I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life.

runphil,

Just be yourself....ask her out. Hopefully by now you know some of her interests, etc and can do something you will both enjoy and have little anxiety over.

I have not had to date in years, but could not imagine.

My wife and I recently went through some drama (it's posted here) and we took some time to write each other letters about our emotions....the one thing that hits home is she said, "I loved you for who you are, your frustrations and your anxiety. I knew what I was getting into."

So in time, if she is right, your anxiety issues will be a topic, but if she enjoys your company, enjoys who you are, 'for better of worse' then she will be there for you.

I had gone through a REALLY bad time between 2007 and 2008 with anxiety (after 7 yrs of marriage) and thought for sure we'd be done, but she was right there by my side. Find the right one and you'll be just fine.

No reason to put the cart before the horse though, one step at a time.

Good Luck!!!!

Originally posted by struggling Christian:
I've been wondering the same thing. I am divorced and my husband wasn't understanding or supportive about my depression and anxiety. Now that I am back on the dating scene, I wonder how soon I should tell men about my problems. I wonder if they can handle them. I wonder if I deserve a relationship at all or if I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life.

Struggling Christian,

First things first....stop thinking you don't deserve a relationship, stop thinking you don't deserve to be happy. You must believe in yourself before you can be ready though.

If you can do that, then the rest will fall into place. I can't say for certain when or how my wife found out about my anxiety, but knowing it was always with me I think she just figured it out. We were young then, I had not completely identified it myself, but, she was always there and the right person will be there for you and for runphil.

Awww...runphil, I know what that is like. When I met my boyfriend three years ago I was worried about that too. So we dated. I showed him my best side, my best qualities. We had so much fun getting to know each other and when it got very serious, I told him flat out that I have anxiety due to traumatic events. I asked him if he would and could deal with that. He said he would. And he has been so supportive ever since, no matter how rediculous my anxiety got. Over time we just learned to deal with it and I have progressed. I think if someone is truly supportive and worth your time, they will be there to help you and love you. If they don't, they are not worth your time. You ALWAYS deserve support!