Stress Center Peer Support

well about 2 years ago, after having my son, only 11 months after having my daughter... I broke down in the hospital, I'm sure it had a bit to do with having 2 kids back to back, but they wouldn't let me go until I was prescribed a anti-depressant. My Dr. gave me celexa (probably not spelled right) I was on it for about 6 months and felt that it helped, but I wasn't seeing anyone or anything. anyway due to changes in my work schedule I lost my insurance so lost my meds.
I thought when I started this I would be okay on my own, I could do it. But the more I've been doing it and thinking I feel I need a little help. So I went to the Dr. this week (which is not a safe place to me, I actually have kind of a fear of Dr's) got my physical which was a year over-due. But I also decided to talk to my Dr. and have him put me back on my meds. (this was a HUGE step for me) I've never really talked to ANYONE about my condition or the way I am feeling.. even the few that know - don't know the extent of it.
So now that I've done that - I seem to find myself worrying that maybe I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I should have tried harder to do it w/out meds. I don't plan on being on them forever, but I'm having a bit of trouble making these changes which keeps my mind going. I still seem to have more "lows" than "highs" I don't know. I'm almost at war over this in my head.

Mystika-

Let's go about this step by step.
First, let's take a deep breath. Good, I needed that too. Second, you did the right thing. I know what I am about to say is easier to say than to believe, but you are being too hard on yourself. You made enormous steps in going to the doctor. First, you noticed you weren't feeling right and did something about it. Second, you went to the Dr. which you aren't comfortable doing. Those two actions right there are ENORMOUS and I'm so proud of you!

I understand that you are unsure of going back on the meds - but please know that this doesn't make you a weak person. What is the worst that could happen because you went to the doctor? - Nothing! Of course you don't want to be on medication forever - I don't want to either - but for now, perhaps they are necessary.

After going through a year of clinical depression, I have remained on a very high dose of zoloft. Although the dose being so high makes me uncomfortable and I often wish I didn't need to be on any medication, I know they are helping and you know that your meds help you. So for now, try to stick with them. Again, this doesn't make you weak. We all need help every once in awhile - take it. The help is there - allow yourself the acceptance to take the help.
Keep me posted, really want to know how you are feeling.

Goober - thanks for the reply! You are so right, I did not give myself nearnly enough credit for 1 just making it there and for being able to ask for help. That was a major step for me. Growing up w/a single mother, I've never been one to "ask for help" so you are right HOOOORAAAAA for me!
I guess I just had the silly thought, that I've already made some progress, so maybe I shouldn't have asked for the meds. but when it comes down to it, this is a lot of work & it's HARD work. I'm struggling a bit... still have a bit of the "I don't know if I can do it" so if I can make it a little easier on myself, why would I not!!
Guess I was just letting the negativity shine threw... but you have helped me to focus back on the positive of it.
The meds will help me, they won't hurt me. I won't need them forever.
Thanks again - I will keep you posted