Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 3:15 pm
Yesterday I took my first airplane flight in years and wanted to share my success with anyone who has fears related to flying or issues with anxiety. I hope my words will reach someone in need of hope, because I can say to you that there always is a reason to believe you can get through anxiety no matter how bad it may seem to you right now.
Initially I took my first airplane flight in 1998 for my honeymoon. I felt pretty petrified as I recall but also found that I enjoyed the efficiency that air travel could provide. For example, driving from Kansas City where I live to Denver could take up to 10 hours; flying took little over 1:20- no comparison in my book. And, seeing things from 30,000 feet in the air was a bonus all to itself.
Back when Sept. 11th occurred I had just flown the weekend before and found myself stuck out of town with only a rental car to get home with. For the next 3 years I opted not to fly because I didn't trust that flying was safe anymore. I'm sure many people avoided flying for reasons similar to my own at this time.
About 3 years later I developed anxiety and panic disorder due to various factors not related to flying. Given that I had also developed agoraphobia issues, the idea of getting on an airplane to go anywhere was simply overwhelming and seemed like a permanent impossibility to me. If I couldn't leave my own block in my car, I could hardly expect to board a plane. At this point I felt I had become incapacitated and incapable of leading a normal life- anxiety had taken over.
Feeling my sanity was in question and feeling my freedom slip away I started using the program in '04. I took to heart the lessons and put into my daily practice, incorporating it into my way of thinking and doing. I reached out for other works such as by Claire Weekes and implemented whatever I found to overcome my fears.
Little by little I worked hard to overcome my fears. I had so many setbacks and times of frustration, wondering if I could ever get better than 'this'. I remember going into a shopping mall once and started panicking deep inside the mall, wondering if I could get out. Even panicked as I was, my legs still walked me back out to my car. I felt defeated and a bit jealous of others who seemed to do normal stuff like the mall without this weakness I felt I had. My 'bad memory' of this kept me from going back to the mall and started shrinking my world, avoiding more situations for fear of having a panic attack- the worst thing that could happen to me.
It's been a long road working through my anxiety. But I stuck it out and yesterday's flight was my reward. The terminal I flew to was a huge place- every bit as big as the mall I panicked in before. I enjoyed walking through it, right to the center where a huge sculpture stands and enjoyed looking at various shops and a duty free store. I remember pausing and taking all this in. Something was different- I realized that I had changed and while not entirely anxiety-free, I was far better than I was before.
As for the flight yesterday, no, I wasn't totally relaxed- I was pretty stressed about this flight in fact. I wanted to back out of it several times and felt like I was marching to the guillotine as I entered the airport and processed through security to board the plane. I wondered what the heck I was doing- maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Yet, a voice in me kept egging me on: Keep moving ahead, this isn’t that big of a deal, I want to do this.
What did I take with me? I had a carry on bag and I brought an inspiring book, a bottle of Xanax (which I keep but never take), some snacks and some other miscellaneous stuff. The Xanax is a 'just in case' tool that helped me feel a measure of security & nothing more. In fact, the greatest carry on item I brought with me was the tools I learned from this program and other things I have practiced with over time. I had all the security I needed in me because I worked with my thoughts over time, reinforcing a new belief system that was encouraging and enabling. My formative mindset became a bear trap for me, sending me to the ER several times wondering what was wrong with me, believing my anxious feelings meant something was severely flawed while it was nothing more than just anxiety.
Still, I wrestled with my thoughts as I sat in the window seat of the Airbus 318. I felt oddly more relaxed finally being in my seat on the plane than going through all the security detail. I sat in front of the wing on the left side of the jet and could see the engine which was big enough to drive an SUV through.
The door was closed and one of the attendants started going through their detail with seat belts, what to do if oxygen masks are deployed, etc. Meanwhile, I controlled my self-talks and made sure I breathed deeply and slowly. I was committed to this flight and there was no need to escape. I could tolerate it and maybe even enjoy it.
I felt the plane being moved back from the loading dock- no going back now! The engines started and the plane taxied toward the runway. I felt a lot of anticipatory anxiousness and started recalling the times when I couldn't leave the house, etc. Then I countered them with thinking "but see how far you've come? Look what you're doing- I can do this!" At this point the plane banked into take off position.
The plane paused for a brief moment and the Captain come on the speaker telling the flight crew to prepare for take-off. At this point, I felt a feeling of acceptance wash over me- a feeling as if all the nerves I had expended over this event had been for naught. The engines wound up and the plane began moving quickly and before I knew it I watched the ground receding away as we ascended. It was almost symbolic for me as if I forgot those nerves back on the ground while the plane continued to lift higher & higher. I was ‘in the moment’ in reality, taking in what was going on around me like an excited child on his first roller coaster ride. Excitement was taking effect- negative fear was not on the radar.
The flight lasted 1:30 approximately and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The view out the window at 35000 feet was spectacular. A couple of times I felt a feeling of unreality come over me as I had felt many times before. It was as if my mind was trying to wrap itself around this event and was having some trouble, but only briefly. I continued to breathe it out, think positively and even look around at my fellow passengers and think how I am just like anyone else and not apart from them. I even wondered if someone else was anxious- odds are pretty high for that one!
The plane descended and my ears popped a little- no big deal. The landing was smooth and before I knew it, we were moving towards the dock to unload the plane. It was like boarding a time-machine, being teleported like on Star trek from one place to another in what seemed like an instant.
I enjoyed the rest of the day and my visit out of town- a long overdue visit to be certain. Today when I went back to the terminal I sauntered in without a care in the world. I looked forward to my flight and without all the tension and ‘fear of fear’ bad habits as I boarded the plane and took off without a hitch. The flight back took 1:15 minutes and I drove home from the airport feeling like I had done something good for myself. I conquered a fear and didn’t allow my nerves to dictate to me what I could do- I dictated to my nerves what they would do for me so I could complete my goal.
So there you have it- I hope this little story inspires you to make a stand and push forward a little further. Whether you can barely get outside your front door to the mail box or are avoiding getting on the highway to drive past a certain point you fear going past, you can do this. Trust me: I honestly believed that I could never get on a plane again- I struggled getting to the back of the grocery store at one time.
You have to begin by developing a vision for yourself doing the things you fear. As it says in the program: Freedom lies on the other side of fear. For sure, you will face discomfort- the sweaty palms, heart palpitations, etc. which are manifestations of the fight or flight response. But step by step, little by little if you take it even one inch at a time you will make progress. Learn the tools of the program and implement them constantly until they are second nature. When the chips are down, when that plane is almost ready to take off they will be there as part of you and will work- this I know first-hand. Don’t set a time limit on this- be self-compassionate and realize that you may have some time ahead of you before you feel better. But if you persist and stubbornly refuse to give up, you will succeed. I hope this example of overcoming my fear shows you that there is hope and there is no reason to give up. I’m the ‘original worrywart’ if there ever was one! But if I can do it, trust me- you can too! Happy landings and best wishes on your journey through anxiety to freedom.
Initially I took my first airplane flight in 1998 for my honeymoon. I felt pretty petrified as I recall but also found that I enjoyed the efficiency that air travel could provide. For example, driving from Kansas City where I live to Denver could take up to 10 hours; flying took little over 1:20- no comparison in my book. And, seeing things from 30,000 feet in the air was a bonus all to itself.
Back when Sept. 11th occurred I had just flown the weekend before and found myself stuck out of town with only a rental car to get home with. For the next 3 years I opted not to fly because I didn't trust that flying was safe anymore. I'm sure many people avoided flying for reasons similar to my own at this time.
About 3 years later I developed anxiety and panic disorder due to various factors not related to flying. Given that I had also developed agoraphobia issues, the idea of getting on an airplane to go anywhere was simply overwhelming and seemed like a permanent impossibility to me. If I couldn't leave my own block in my car, I could hardly expect to board a plane. At this point I felt I had become incapacitated and incapable of leading a normal life- anxiety had taken over.
Feeling my sanity was in question and feeling my freedom slip away I started using the program in '04. I took to heart the lessons and put into my daily practice, incorporating it into my way of thinking and doing. I reached out for other works such as by Claire Weekes and implemented whatever I found to overcome my fears.
Little by little I worked hard to overcome my fears. I had so many setbacks and times of frustration, wondering if I could ever get better than 'this'. I remember going into a shopping mall once and started panicking deep inside the mall, wondering if I could get out. Even panicked as I was, my legs still walked me back out to my car. I felt defeated and a bit jealous of others who seemed to do normal stuff like the mall without this weakness I felt I had. My 'bad memory' of this kept me from going back to the mall and started shrinking my world, avoiding more situations for fear of having a panic attack- the worst thing that could happen to me.
It's been a long road working through my anxiety. But I stuck it out and yesterday's flight was my reward. The terminal I flew to was a huge place- every bit as big as the mall I panicked in before. I enjoyed walking through it, right to the center where a huge sculpture stands and enjoyed looking at various shops and a duty free store. I remember pausing and taking all this in. Something was different- I realized that I had changed and while not entirely anxiety-free, I was far better than I was before.
As for the flight yesterday, no, I wasn't totally relaxed- I was pretty stressed about this flight in fact. I wanted to back out of it several times and felt like I was marching to the guillotine as I entered the airport and processed through security to board the plane. I wondered what the heck I was doing- maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Yet, a voice in me kept egging me on: Keep moving ahead, this isn’t that big of a deal, I want to do this.
What did I take with me? I had a carry on bag and I brought an inspiring book, a bottle of Xanax (which I keep but never take), some snacks and some other miscellaneous stuff. The Xanax is a 'just in case' tool that helped me feel a measure of security & nothing more. In fact, the greatest carry on item I brought with me was the tools I learned from this program and other things I have practiced with over time. I had all the security I needed in me because I worked with my thoughts over time, reinforcing a new belief system that was encouraging and enabling. My formative mindset became a bear trap for me, sending me to the ER several times wondering what was wrong with me, believing my anxious feelings meant something was severely flawed while it was nothing more than just anxiety.
Still, I wrestled with my thoughts as I sat in the window seat of the Airbus 318. I felt oddly more relaxed finally being in my seat on the plane than going through all the security detail. I sat in front of the wing on the left side of the jet and could see the engine which was big enough to drive an SUV through.
The door was closed and one of the attendants started going through their detail with seat belts, what to do if oxygen masks are deployed, etc. Meanwhile, I controlled my self-talks and made sure I breathed deeply and slowly. I was committed to this flight and there was no need to escape. I could tolerate it and maybe even enjoy it.
I felt the plane being moved back from the loading dock- no going back now! The engines started and the plane taxied toward the runway. I felt a lot of anticipatory anxiousness and started recalling the times when I couldn't leave the house, etc. Then I countered them with thinking "but see how far you've come? Look what you're doing- I can do this!" At this point the plane banked into take off position.
The plane paused for a brief moment and the Captain come on the speaker telling the flight crew to prepare for take-off. At this point, I felt a feeling of acceptance wash over me- a feeling as if all the nerves I had expended over this event had been for naught. The engines wound up and the plane began moving quickly and before I knew it I watched the ground receding away as we ascended. It was almost symbolic for me as if I forgot those nerves back on the ground while the plane continued to lift higher & higher. I was ‘in the moment’ in reality, taking in what was going on around me like an excited child on his first roller coaster ride. Excitement was taking effect- negative fear was not on the radar.
The flight lasted 1:30 approximately and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The view out the window at 35000 feet was spectacular. A couple of times I felt a feeling of unreality come over me as I had felt many times before. It was as if my mind was trying to wrap itself around this event and was having some trouble, but only briefly. I continued to breathe it out, think positively and even look around at my fellow passengers and think how I am just like anyone else and not apart from them. I even wondered if someone else was anxious- odds are pretty high for that one!
The plane descended and my ears popped a little- no big deal. The landing was smooth and before I knew it, we were moving towards the dock to unload the plane. It was like boarding a time-machine, being teleported like on Star trek from one place to another in what seemed like an instant.
I enjoyed the rest of the day and my visit out of town- a long overdue visit to be certain. Today when I went back to the terminal I sauntered in without a care in the world. I looked forward to my flight and without all the tension and ‘fear of fear’ bad habits as I boarded the plane and took off without a hitch. The flight back took 1:15 minutes and I drove home from the airport feeling like I had done something good for myself. I conquered a fear and didn’t allow my nerves to dictate to me what I could do- I dictated to my nerves what they would do for me so I could complete my goal.
So there you have it- I hope this little story inspires you to make a stand and push forward a little further. Whether you can barely get outside your front door to the mail box or are avoiding getting on the highway to drive past a certain point you fear going past, you can do this. Trust me: I honestly believed that I could never get on a plane again- I struggled getting to the back of the grocery store at one time.
You have to begin by developing a vision for yourself doing the things you fear. As it says in the program: Freedom lies on the other side of fear. For sure, you will face discomfort- the sweaty palms, heart palpitations, etc. which are manifestations of the fight or flight response. But step by step, little by little if you take it even one inch at a time you will make progress. Learn the tools of the program and implement them constantly until they are second nature. When the chips are down, when that plane is almost ready to take off they will be there as part of you and will work- this I know first-hand. Don’t set a time limit on this- be self-compassionate and realize that you may have some time ahead of you before you feel better. But if you persist and stubbornly refuse to give up, you will succeed. I hope this example of overcoming my fear shows you that there is hope and there is no reason to give up. I’m the ‘original worrywart’ if there ever was one! But if I can do it, trust me- you can too! Happy landings and best wishes on your journey through anxiety to freedom.
