Stress Center Peer Support

Hello
I have VERY slowly been working the program. It's bringing me anxiety though...pretty intense anxiety. You see, I attempted my life in August of 2008 due to intense tormenting panic attacks that left me unable to eat or sleep for 3 weeks. I just "snapped" one day...I couldn't take the pain and torment anymore. Well, obviously, I survived. I'm a major miracle though. One after effect is that I now have HORRIBLE handwriting...it's extremely tiny and illegible. So, journaling for the program and keeping track of my negative thoughts and counteractive positive thoughts in a little notebook has been nearly impossible. I feel like I'm failing the program and I feel awful...absolutely awful about it! It's the performing perfectionist in me! Any wisdom, tips, or advice of what I can do to overcome this obstacle? I feel like I'm stalled out on Lesson 3, which I understand is pivotal to grasping the program and gaining freedom from this nightmare I've been living in. I'm also having a VERY difficult time determining the difference between my negative and positive thoughts. I have 30+ years of negative thoughts to undo. This all seems solo overwhelming to me...totally overwhelming!

PLEASE HELP ME...I'm DESPERATE to make this work...it's my final hope.

Sincerely,
Little Lady

hi little lady...sorry to hear you were that miserable. You are on the right path though.
Week 3 is a difficult week for alot of people. Have you tried journaling on the computer? Is there any way you could write your negative thought on the computer too. Of course you will probably be there all day! haha At first turning negatives into positives is hard. In the beginning, I just closed my eyes and told myself I wasn't going to faint, die, etc..whether I believed it or not. Eventually I began to know that what I said was true. I made attempts at the small notebook thing but didn't do well, and like you thought I was failing. You can still do it without the notebook, it is there to make it easier is all. It sounds like perfectionism to me too! I understand that also. I quit the program every time I thought I was not doing it "right". ha I finaly did what I could the best I could, finished, and went back to do the things I missed before. Don't pressure yourself to much, it will all fall into place for you. The program is great and remember healing takes time. I hope this has helped you, good luck!

You're right this is the perfectionist coming out in you. This is another example of a negative thought - that you are failing the program. This is not true!

Don't get worked up about mastering the material after one week. Give yourself permission to move onto the next session and do the work to the best of your ability.

Why don't you contact the StressCenter.com either by phone or email. They help people who are having problems turning negative thoughts into positives.

But above all, treat yourself gently! You are on the right path. God Bless.

Thanks so much for the encouragement! You are soooo right...I am being really hard on myslf 'cuz it's not "clicking"vlike I thought it would. Typing my negative thought isn't really an option however. My fine motor skills effect my ability to type as well and I think most of my negative thoughts hit me when I'm driving and captive. Am I making negative excuses? I did e-mail the center and someone called me back who said she can help me! Yeah! I just have to return her call.

God Bless!
Little Lady

Little Lady; If you are normally in the car etc. when you are having the anxiety and negative thoughts then try taking a small recording device with you. At the first stop after the feelings occur record the thought. Later that day as time presents you can go back and record a positive statment for each recorded staement you have and you will still have them to review at a later date just like if you were using a notebook. Also since you have some perfectionist in you as I do too, don't ignore other times of the day. I am finding it easier to recognize negative thoughts with each new day of practice. And I am finding negative thoughts throughout the entire day, even when there are no symptoms. The times when I am relaxing without distractions such as television, work etc. are filled with thoughts that arec very hard on myself. Bedtime is an especially active time for me to go over things in my mind that have happened recently and mentally beat myself up mentally. So keep your recorder near at all times. It may help alot. Good luck with your continued attempts and keep us updated on your progress. God bless ,Bradley.