Stress Center Peer Support

I am having a hard time with loving and accepting myself. How do you get through this? It's crazy I care what everyone else thinks about me but not myself. I can love and respect everyone around me but not me. If I amcomplimented it is hard totake in I don't believe what I am hearing.If my husband says something nice I think "He said that out of obligation".

Yes I have the same problem with self love. It's not so much I hate myself it's more that I just don't consider self love at all. I just do what I must to get by and it never occurs to me that anything I do is all that great. I get tons of compliments on my work because I do the part of carpentry you see, the finish work. People say wow thats some great crown molding or that stair railing is really beautiful and what I say to myself is "oh its OK but that miter joint is a little off or I should've been able to do it faster". I have a problem accepting compliments. this is something I think we all need to work on or else we wouldn't be here.

When you start being assertive you start gaining that self-respect we all are desperetaly looking....There is a book called People Skills ( How to assert yourself, listen to others and resolve conflicts) from Robert Bolton, Ph.D. or any book that teach you how be assertive (meaning learning how to express your feelings, difuse anger and stand up for yourself)..........I started reading it and as I apply the skills now I have been feeling more respect for myself and at the end that is what is important!!
Love
Liz

This is going to sound crazy but it really works. (I did it back in high school I though I was ugly) What we tell ourselfves if strong stuff. Make a list of things you don't necessarily believe to be true yourself but you would want to be true. Hope that makes sense! ie. I am beautiful, I'm intelligent, I'm worthwhile, I'm kind, I'm patient etc. Put the list on your bathroom mirror. Every morning when you get up and every time you see yourself in that mirror through out the day look at yourself in the mirror and recite that list looking at yourself until you believe it. No Sarcasm!!! Say it like you mean it. It may take a while be patient but diligent you will start to feel better about yourself and begin to see what others I am sure already see.
Secondly, when some pays you a compliment no matter how difficult it is, say "Thank you" with a beautiful smile. No mental sarcasm allowed after the compliment....just say thank you with the smile. Soon you'll find you may start to believe. Again be patient and diligent. Keep at it. Another thought, think about how would it make you feel if you paid someone a compliment and they sluffed it off with a reason why were wrong!!! Just say thank you with a smile. Good luck you can overcome this!

KUDOS Doozy!!!!, your suggestion is the key!!!! and it certainly DOES NOT sound crazy! This is how we ALL must break old "negative self" habits. When we can replace these old self talk "habits" with what we hope to see ourselves in the future, this is when we will truley be rid of anxiety/depression.
It is what WE'VE(possibly others) told OURSELVES in the past that has created what we are today(low self esteem, no self confidence, etc) Lucinda tells us at the end of the "relaxation cd" to invision what we see ourselves as we "want" to be..(something to that effect). This is positive affirmation, or positive self talk. I am finding out more and more, the longer I continue this program, I have not truley loved myself FIRST. I must love and accept myself before I can honestly love and accept another.
Use them "post it" note reminders(I am beautiful, creative,intellegent,loving,caring, etc.), on the bathroom mirror, refrigerator,on our monitors, etc. etc. etc. We need to really drill our IMPORTANCE here, in our minds. We are no accidents, we have a purpose, A God given purpose! God doesn't make junk!
Take care, God bless
Robin

I have a question for Mom of 6. Do you really have 6 kids? I have always wanted 6 six kids.
I have 4 now and am not sure I've got the stuff to handle any more. Although, I love being a mother I would not trade motherhood for an other job on earth.

LOL, yes I have six children, ALL BOYS, might I add...Ahhhhh their the joys of my life!!! To be quite honest with you, I have four older(21,20,19,16) from my first marriage, and I had twins on 05/20/06....I have to admit, I feel more exhausted at this age(39), however, I'm more patient and wise...SERIOUSLY..LOL....Yes, this job is the most rewarding, however, it will be nice to go back out into the workforce again someday...however, I will wait until they are in school. They grow too fast, and this time, I don't want to miss a thing!

Ditto to all the suggestions so far!

I'm willing to bet if I met "looking but lost" and got to know her, I would think she was a sweet, wonderful person.

It is so easy to be negative with ourselves. It is so easy to discount our positive attributes and achievements. I know I follow all my achievements with "but", like "I graduated from high school, but I only got a 3.1 GPA."

I read something the other day about how to generate specific emotions instantly. First, you have to do the ground work. Think of one or two emotions you would like to be able to call on at a moments notice: courage, determination, happiness, etc. Then think of and write down three separate times when you had that emotion (if you can't think of actual times, then invent some!). Then think of a body action to associate with it when you want to generate that emotion (like rapid exhale through pushed out lips or tilting your head, etc.) Then think of each of the three times you had the desired emotion and follow with the actual body action. Do this repeatedly in a number of different places: home, the mall, at work, etc. Repeat this for several days.

Then whenever you want that emotion, just do the action and you should get the feeling.

Steve

I also think we sometimes think we don't deserve to feel good (something from our early training about how we should feel quilty about things we have done wrong). But if that were true, no one should ever feel happy for all have done something wrong (well everyone over the age of 1). Few of us would expect anyone other than ourselves to feel the pain we feel.

We need to give ourselves a break and decide to forgive and forget. Then whenever the memory of the negative event comes up, put it away and generate a positive emotion (see previous post).

Peace and happiness to all of you!!!

Steve

I can relate to thinking this Steve. My mom was great at breaking her kids down. I know I need to love myself. I have broke this cycle with my own kids and I am trying to break it with in me.