Stress Center Peer Support

I just started this program 2 weeks ago however actually following it is not really working out I find myself alone most of the time since the kids go to school all day and I work at nights to deal with being bored and the anxiety that i feel when i have all this time to myself I have taken to drinking so much that i blackout. I have even gone as far as to do things that I am not proud of because I have drank to much which makes me even worse when i actually sit back and think about it my marriage is failing because of me needless to say i put no effort into making things better and it becomes so stressful that i have mastered not being able to focus on one thing so that I wont have any more attacks im very worried that i cant stop drinking or that i cant be alone with out thinking of some physical damage i can do to myself in order not to be awake or forced to think about everything that bothers me...I think this program can help but i am so negative about everything that I kind of want it to fail so I can be proven right in that nothing can help me anymore because I am to far into the depression...

As hard as it may be for you, you need to work up the strength to listen to the cds everyday or every other day. You can do it. Even if you just put them on, while doing other things, like household chores. Then you can gleen information from them and start to change your thinking, and then your behavior. I urge you as someone who also suffers from depression, to speak to your Doctor or see a Psychiatrist for treatment for your depression. Also see a therapist so you can talk about your feelings and hopefully gain insight into yourself and then you can see your way clear and move out of depression. I am also seeing a therapist and she is really great at pointing out my skewed thinking, because of the depression and anxiety). I am also on an antidepressant and it's the best thing I have done for myself in a long time, beside starting and sticking with the program. I feel a lot better since starting the medication. I know very well how overwhelmed you feel right now. If you are alone all day, while the kids are in school, think about changing your hours to during the day. I've read all of your fears and I think I know how scared you must feel. But if you can just manage 1 small step, then you can take another small step, and then another. You can pull your self up out of depression. Please I urge you to see your Doctor and start seeing a therapist.

You can do this, just as I have and just have many others on this board have done. Be strong and believe in yourself.

Adele

LCas80:
I urge you to find an AA meeting in the day while you are alone. The Blackouts really are dangerous to you. You could definitely hurt yourself. You could even get in your car and try to go somewhere. And crash. You need to find some help to quit the drinking. Seeing a doctor is a very good idea. And tell him/her that you drink until you have blackouts.
The program will help you - but you can't work it when you are under the influence. You need to get help with the drinking and then began the program.
I liked AA and made some nice friends who supported me. This was a long time ago. AA worked for me. I've been sober for 23 years.
Like you, my primary problem was depression.
Beleive me, alcohol just increases it. Alcohol is a depressant.
I encourage you to get help.
I will be praying for you.
You are not alone.
MJ

Hi,
It's very obvious to even yourself that you are in a self destruct mode and can't pull yourself out of this hole you are digging. You need to seek prefessional help for yourself and because of what this is going to do to your children. It's not just about you there are other lives involved here and they deserve to have their Mother sober and trying to get better. If you can't find the incentive to get help for yourself than at least do it for your kids..PLEASE. Life is hard enough growing up and they need YOU to guide them and care for them.

I am home alone all day as well but use my time to better myself..not waste it drinking. Instead of drinking to try and feel better or hide from what ails you why aren't you doing the program? You have all day...all those hours you could be working on your depression to lessen it you are feeding it another depressant.
I'm sorry if I sound as though I'm being hard on you but so many here are fighting hard to feel better and don't have enough time to work on this program the way they would like to.

You really need to have someone get you to AA and a doctor/ therapist. Make an effort at something positive for you and your family..PLEASE!!

LCAS80 - I feel terribly concerned for you. Please go to see a doctor/therapist NOW. You badly need lots of support I think. Would it be better to try to work during the day so you wouldn't be alone so much? But I have a feeling that first you have to get help immediately to get yourself into a stable enough state to even contemplate finding work to do during the day. I really feel for you and am extremely concerned for your health and well-being. Then after that you can start the program which is super helpful but my gut feeling is that you have to get yourself all this help and support before you can concentrate on anything else. PLEASE GET HELP NOW!
Joy

Cornflower, I'm glad that you wrote about finding an AA meeting and talking about alcoholism. I didn't reflect on that very important part of what LCas80 was talking about. I'm glad that we are all here for each other and that we all have something to contribute.

Adele