Stress Center Peer Support

My therapist brought up an interesting point yesterday. He said that a lot of people who are prone to anxiety disorders are 'addicted' to drama. I asked him how so and he told me to tell him a time where I was anxious and what I did due to my anxiety. I told him that when I'm anxious, I come up with scary, obsessive thoughts and dwell on how I feel and he said "exactly!" He said that these scary thoughts are totally unrealistic and they are our minds way of distracting ourselves, as we know from doing this program, BUT he said to watch for other instances when I blow things out of proportion to create drama. I actually caught myself doing it this morning. My rent is due today and I am always anxious beyond belief at the beginning of each month because of my rent. Instead of writing out the check and taking care of my finances, I picked a fight with my boyfriend! I didn't even realize it until afterwards when my boyfriend said, "Kari everytime something goes wrong, you take all the blame on you and blow it out of proportion!" (in regards to our fight) And that's when I realized what I was doing. I create these mini-drama episodes in my life as a means to distract myself from REAL things like paying the rent and dealing with my issues! I also realized that I've been doing that for YEARS. I remember when I was in high school and I could never keep a friend, because I would blow up everything that happened and create massive amounts of drama in my life. I also am easily addicted to things that are self destructive, like spending money I don't have and playing computer games until the sun comes up. And really, all those things are, are just distractions that cause outside drama.

Does anyone else have this problem? I'm starting to see things very clearly in terms of how I live my life and frankly, it's kind of scary! It's like, no wonder I buy into my anxiety, it's such a great distraction. My therapist compared me to Chicken Little, who got bonked on the head with an acorn and though the sky was falling - that's ME!

You are not alone with this. I have the same problem and it can get out of hand sometimes. The good thing is that you noticed it and once you do you can change the behavior. At least for the moment sometimes it creeps up on you and you don't get to realize it in time. What helps me is when I feel worked up about something I try to take a step back and really look at the problem and I find out it isn't anything important. Then I can find out what is really bugging me and deal with it. Wish you luck.

Oh wow! I created drama in high school and never kept a friend too. I think I lived for conflict but too liked to keep people at arms length. Didn't want anyone too close- enough to hurt me- and everyone's bound to hurt you at some time in a relationship. I loved the drama of working with insurance adjusters and buying a car when I got older. The thrill of the conflict and getting what I wanted by being pushy and aggressive felt so good. Of course, that can carry over to relationships. You're bound to take things out on those you love most. Lucinda talks a lot in one tape about the difference in assertiveness and aggressiveness, and it's a real good session. You're being aggressive to your boyfriend b/c of being upset about your right. You might try changing your thoughts from negative (avoiding paying the rent) to positive (dissolve the anger or anxiousness). It's got to be paid, so "I might as well get it over with and off my mind." Don't let little things create conflict with your boyfriend. At least he understands and sees the problem. Good luck. Best wishes. Bev

Yes I am too:)

I do this too but I never realized why. I once saw a movie where the character referred to this as "transference". If you feel crappy and you pick a fight with someone it "transfers" the crappy feelings to the other person and suddenly you feel better. The last time I did this to my husband I gave it some thought and realized what I had done and explained it to him and apologized. It makes alot of sense how you described it though. There are alot of stresses in my life I don't want to think about. I think that as soon as you realize what it is you're doing the easier it is to stop doing it.