Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:27 am
Okay. Tomorrow morning (7/29) I go into the hospital for my double mastectomy. At the moment I'm writing this, I'm not really very anxious. I know I'm doing what's right for me. Even though only one breast shows cancer, I don't want to keep worrying about the other one. My life is more important than how I look on the surface, and I can always have reconstruction at a later date. I do have fears though. I'm afraid of going under anesthesia. I fear I won't wake up. I also fear that even though my doctor and surgeon both say they caught it early, once they remove everything I'm afraid they'll find out its worse than they all thought it was. I'm afraid I'll never be able to do the things I used to do strength-wise. I don't want to give up on things, but I'm afraid I will. I'll be coming home tomorrow after surgery (a lot of mastectomies are being done as out-patient surgery these days I've been reading). I've also read the some women have almost no pain, other have some. Some women are up and functioning in no time, others need more recuperating time. I know I have things that need doing here. And I know I don't like a lot of help with thing. And yes, I know I'll need some help now. But I'm hoping my general attitude (the stubbornness, not the anxiety) will help me recover faster.