Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 12:45 am
I have some reallllllllllllllllly great news to share w/ you all. Last night, I GRADUATED FR THERAPY!
I had initiated therapy w/ my psychiatrist almost 4 yrs ago, when anxiety disorder triggered, on MAY 3 2005. I was in such a severe state: anxiety disorder + panic attacks + PTSD fr 3 diff things + severe sleep deprivation.
I set out to understand "this thing" that had befallen me. While I attended intensively/weekly therapy session, I began to READ BOOKS - LOADS OF THEM. LOL, after all them books man, I was like a child w/ green veggies, lol - UPPPPPP TO HERE W/ BOOKS ^^^^ LOL :p I went back to therapy in PROTEST "I am not reading anymore books". My therapist recommended a book that changed my life & set the course for my recovery, by giving me a sense of direction = THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED. That book made it so clear what I would need to do to HEAL, it frightened me. Any hows, lol - in that book, PECK - the author said something profound to me: Peck said in his book, that majority of people who do need therapy don't seek it out. He went on to say something to the effect that those that do seek out therapy, majority of them DON'T SEE IT THROUGH TO THE END. Meaning, they cut therapy short prematurely - long b/4 they should. He put the figure somewhere @ 1-10 ONLY see it through to the end (if I remember correctly - that was 4 yrs ago lol). Well, I wanted to be 1 of those folks he was referring to. I wanted to be that 1 in 10 who saw therapy through to the end.
During that time, I had to work through some pretty frightening & painful events I had experienced in yrs gone by (childhood). I make no joke about how hard that was for me & how very much it hurt my heart to face MY TRUTHS. In spite of those difficulties, I went back every single week - facing dwn my demons - willing to do battle - FACE TO FACE. It was ON & I was GAME, reluctantly lol - but I was, hahaha.
After my having recovered fr anxiety disorder/ptsd - I was diagnosed w/ depression. I thought it was some sick joke. I hit the ground running again. I faced the why's behind my depression in session/therapy. Simultaneously, I made some long over-due changes in myself & my life. My goal every step of the way was to not be a lifetime therapy patient on depress meds forever, if possible. Due to my work & progress, my med dosage was lowered periodically - when appropriate. I had never experienced depress b/4 in my life (I'm now 40). As a result, I often looked to my psychiatrist for guidance (the what's & where's & when's & how's). Something transformative happened to me. I knew going to last nite's session, I was ready to leave therapy - that our time was done. I typed a little something encompassing these thoughts to share w/ my psychiatrist. One doesn't share almost 4 yrs of their life w/ someone w/o wanting to express some SERIOUS SENTIMENTS. He agreed w/ me. We shared some personal thoughts w/ eachother, for which I'll keep private. He stood up: this man w/ 30+ yrs experience - whom I had shared the deepest parts of my heart/soul - & he HUGGED ME - w/ me crying HAVING AN "OPRAH MOMENT" - w/ him shedding a few tears of absolute pride in me(no boo hoo moment for him - just like 2 or 3 tears running dwn his cheek). We didn't say the technical GOODBYE - that "hug" symbolized that. W/ that, I walked out of that therapy room - walking the <span class="ev_code_RED">FIRST STEPS OF THE REST OF MY LIFE</span>
You all can gather by my various postings, I am a sentimental gal. I am a PROUD walking 24/7 CHICK FLICK, LOL LOL! I've so many emotions right now - so much I am feeling & thinking. I am humbled. I don't know if it will make sense to y'all - the prominant emotion I am feeling is PRIDE. Sure I am proud of me - the adult woman I am. Moreso, I am very very proud of the child I once was - aka - LITTLE "LENORE" For, it was she who endured the worst - the brunt of it all & as little as she was - she fought like hell to live & survive for us both during those early years. Now, due to our work together in the NOW, LITTLE LENORE is finally free.
Thank you all for allowing me this moment to share w/ you.
Your friend,
LENORE
I had initiated therapy w/ my psychiatrist almost 4 yrs ago, when anxiety disorder triggered, on MAY 3 2005. I was in such a severe state: anxiety disorder + panic attacks + PTSD fr 3 diff things + severe sleep deprivation.
I set out to understand "this thing" that had befallen me. While I attended intensively/weekly therapy session, I began to READ BOOKS - LOADS OF THEM. LOL, after all them books man, I was like a child w/ green veggies, lol - UPPPPPP TO HERE W/ BOOKS ^^^^ LOL :p I went back to therapy in PROTEST "I am not reading anymore books". My therapist recommended a book that changed my life & set the course for my recovery, by giving me a sense of direction = THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED. That book made it so clear what I would need to do to HEAL, it frightened me. Any hows, lol - in that book, PECK - the author said something profound to me: Peck said in his book, that majority of people who do need therapy don't seek it out. He went on to say something to the effect that those that do seek out therapy, majority of them DON'T SEE IT THROUGH TO THE END. Meaning, they cut therapy short prematurely - long b/4 they should. He put the figure somewhere @ 1-10 ONLY see it through to the end (if I remember correctly - that was 4 yrs ago lol). Well, I wanted to be 1 of those folks he was referring to. I wanted to be that 1 in 10 who saw therapy through to the end.
During that time, I had to work through some pretty frightening & painful events I had experienced in yrs gone by (childhood). I make no joke about how hard that was for me & how very much it hurt my heart to face MY TRUTHS. In spite of those difficulties, I went back every single week - facing dwn my demons - willing to do battle - FACE TO FACE. It was ON & I was GAME, reluctantly lol - but I was, hahaha.
After my having recovered fr anxiety disorder/ptsd - I was diagnosed w/ depression. I thought it was some sick joke. I hit the ground running again. I faced the why's behind my depression in session/therapy. Simultaneously, I made some long over-due changes in myself & my life. My goal every step of the way was to not be a lifetime therapy patient on depress meds forever, if possible. Due to my work & progress, my med dosage was lowered periodically - when appropriate. I had never experienced depress b/4 in my life (I'm now 40). As a result, I often looked to my psychiatrist for guidance (the what's & where's & when's & how's). Something transformative happened to me. I knew going to last nite's session, I was ready to leave therapy - that our time was done. I typed a little something encompassing these thoughts to share w/ my psychiatrist. One doesn't share almost 4 yrs of their life w/ someone w/o wanting to express some SERIOUS SENTIMENTS. He agreed w/ me. We shared some personal thoughts w/ eachother, for which I'll keep private. He stood up: this man w/ 30+ yrs experience - whom I had shared the deepest parts of my heart/soul - & he HUGGED ME - w/ me crying HAVING AN "OPRAH MOMENT" - w/ him shedding a few tears of absolute pride in me(no boo hoo moment for him - just like 2 or 3 tears running dwn his cheek). We didn't say the technical GOODBYE - that "hug" symbolized that. W/ that, I walked out of that therapy room - walking the <span class="ev_code_RED">FIRST STEPS OF THE REST OF MY LIFE</span>
You all can gather by my various postings, I am a sentimental gal. I am a PROUD walking 24/7 CHICK FLICK, LOL LOL! I've so many emotions right now - so much I am feeling & thinking. I am humbled. I don't know if it will make sense to y'all - the prominant emotion I am feeling is PRIDE. Sure I am proud of me - the adult woman I am. Moreso, I am very very proud of the child I once was - aka - LITTLE "LENORE" For, it was she who endured the worst - the brunt of it all & as little as she was - she fought like hell to live & survive for us both during those early years. Now, due to our work together in the NOW, LITTLE LENORE is finally free.
Thank you all for allowing me this moment to share w/ you.
Your friend,
LENORE
