Stress Center Peer Support

Hello,

I've been noticing a pattern with my anxiety and was wondering if anyone else has experieced this. I will get myself all worked up and anxious about an upcoming event or situation, and then make a decision to back out of the situation. (a bit agoraphobic?) I will feel better at first, but then I start really second guessing myself. Then the second guessing will cause more anxiety that ends with depression. Thoughts like: maybe I should have gone through with it, or maybe I should have waited to make a decision. Alot of times I am so indesisive about things that I will just choose not to do what ever it is that is bothering me, thinking that this will give my mind some rest. But then I begin to doubt myself.

Even if I have others approval about my decision, even if they say "yea that sounds like the best thing to do at this point" I will begin to doubt myself.
I'm thinking that I have OCD. Thinking is an activity and it can be obsessive. I will obsess about something and then back out of it and then obsess about backing out.

Thanks for listening
Patrick.

I have this problem. Usually it's about the stuff that I buy and I guess some things that I say to people. Sometimes I regret it and sometimes I'm just really unsure of the decision I made. I'm working on being more decisive and living with the decisions I make.
Good Luck

Patrick

I could have written your post.

I have the same feelings and often regret decisions. I anticipate the event weeks in advance and think of all the what if's. I think of lies I can tell to get out of the event as alot of people do not know of my issues.Sometimes I go and feel Fantastic after but other times I feel too anxious and don't go. I too feel good at first..then the guilt and anxiety come in full force. I then feel so much worse.

I am working to change this behavior and get my anxiety under control. Are you on any meds to help?

One more thing..I am no doctor but the obsessive thinking sounds like anxiety. Atleast it is in my case. I too have the over -thinking and it is all part of my anxiety disoreder I am told.

Good Luck To you:)

My apologies up front for being a bit long winded here...I just came into the forum to post on this exact topic.

My wife and I built a home last year. While we knew that there were certain features of a home that we really wanted, there were other features that we just weren't sure about or didn't give much though to at the time.

Being a perfectionist, I inquired on just about every option that the builder had on their offer sheet. I took a lot of pride in this. As part of the inquiry, I asked about raising the ceiling in our basement from 8' to 9'.

I was told that on the particular collection of home we were looking at (by the way, the builder has 3 collections) that this was not an option.

Needless to say, we ended up with 8' ceilings in the basement. I thought to myself, "no big deal, that's what the builder offers on this collection of home"

My mistake was that I made the assumption that this option was not available on any of their home collections. Wrong assumption and this is where the anxiety and depression starts in...

I ended up, after the home was a good way through construction, finding out that we could have raised the ceiling to 9' on the home we ended up building (not the one we originally looked at) after a friend of mine was checking out a similar home from the builder as well.

Apparently raising the ceiling in the basement is not a standard option that they offer. They consider it a custom that must be inquired on - "Don't ask us and we won't tell you".

Either way, I've been anxiety ridden for about 10 months on the whole issue ever since I found out. My wife loves our home as do our 3 children; however, I obsess on what I perceive to be my mistake everyday, dread spending time in the basement and have tremendous amounts of anxiety and depression about the whole situation. Paralyzing.

99% of the people around me say that it's no big deal, as one of my friends said "You don't have any 8' friends", but I have a hard time convincing myself that it's no big deal.

What are suggestions on how to "let go" of this issue and other situations where I wish I had asked the right question or understood the situation correctly to not feel so down and out?

Thanks in advance.

Thoughts like: maybe I should have gone through with it, or maybe I should have waited to make a decision. Alot of times I am so indesisive about things that I will just choose not to do what ever it is that is bothering me, thinking that this will give my mind some rest. But then I begin to doubt myself.

This indecisiveness and second guessing is part of the condition. We NEVER feel confident about the choices we do make, and when we do make them, often we second guess them or nit pick at them incessantly, get frustrated and usually end up just not doing anything. THAT is the comfy spot, not having to think and possibly take responsibility for the decision we made, which includes making peace and moving on if we are not pleased with the outcome.

I cannot answer for anyone, but I know for myself is that I lacked confidence in myself. I lacked thinking that I COULD make a good decision and just leave it at that. I used to go back and forth, and then back again only to go forth, then at times get so tired I just did not make any decision as it was too difficult. But NOT making decisions is NOT part of life. We need to make them everyday and REALIZE that we are intelligent and find peace in our reasoning to do the things that we do.

I sit here and look at my 32" computer monitor that cost 1/2 more than a 27" does. Am I sitting here wondering and kicking myself for spending the extra $$$? No way! I did the pros and con thing, made a decision and SUPPORT MYSELF with the decision I made. It is DONE, I would be unable to change it anyway because it is done.

One MUST see that they are...

- Intelligent
-Worthy of making a GOOD decision.
-Support themselves, reassuring oneself that they made an intelligent decision and LEAVE IT at that.
-Realize that we are NOT perfect and all decision in life will not always be the best decisions we have ever made. Support yourself in this situation too. You DID the best you could at the time. Sometimes we make decisions thinking we have all the information (like the new home construction gentleman), sometimes our stubborness gets the best of us and we "do it" anyway. But WHATEVER it is, REALIZE that we are human, we TRY to make the best decisions and that all is NOT perfect and REALLY it is OK!

Over the weekend I got a new bike. Since the bike season is almost over there are not too many bikes left so I had slim pickings on the color choices. My first choice was silver, second was black, third was a sage green. All the bike shop had left was white. (sorry, but for me, YUCK!) Anyhow, it was either get this wonderfully comfortable bike that was white, or chance trying to find another one in the color I want. The 2009 models are coming out and the guy said it was be a couple weeks before he may get one in in the color I wanted. So what did I do? I took the white. Regrets? No. I have a comfortable bike that I can ride for miles.

I guess with having the health issues I do, I have learned not to put much into material things. Things can come and things can go. I put my stakes in my family and friends. I can change my home, my car, my walls and hair color, but FAMILY & FRIENDS are what I rather spend my time on rather than obsessing over my wall that is too chocolate, my white bike or my hair that turned out a little too blonde. PLACE that attention in spending precious time with those you love, focus on them and not on things that are done and we cannot change. I see that my walls are painted , I have a comfortable bike and that the dark roots on my head are gone . Things are good!

~*schnauzermom*~

Thank you soooooo much for the post.

I laughed at the 32" vs 27", the decision on the bike, the chocolate wall and the blonde hair. That is so my anxiety situation (minus the coloring my hair )

I also teared up at "one MUST see that they are..." part as I tend to not give myself "real" compliments and need to do that more.

I am going to print your post out and hang it where I can remind myself each day of how I need to see myself.

Thank you for being such a positive example.