Stress Center Peer Support

I keep haveing scary thoughts about hurting my wife. IT scares me because i love her so much she is a great person.WHY scary thoughts about her.

I completely understand your pain. When I had my first child 11 years ago my obsessive thoughts surrounded around him. It was so scarey to me. I was afraid I would drown him while giving him a bath, hurt him and you have no idea how much I love that boy. It is heartbreaking when this happens. But, trust me these are just thougths. If you are able, to notice them and let the pass it will help. The more you focus on them the worst it gets. So, I would just say o.k....I am having this thought and does not mean anything...in time when I really understood that it lessoned. You are not alone many people struggling with OCD and anxiety have these types of thoughts. Distraction is really helping as well...when you have the thoughts,,,notice it and then distract yourself. It is hard to do but, in time it will get easier, I promise. Be easy with yourself and do not beat yourself up this is just simply apart of the condition you are under.

THANKS FOR THE ADVISE NEW TO ALL THIS GOING THROUGH THE PROGRAM BUT IT IS STOPING ME FROM SLEEPING WITH THESE SCARY THOUGHTS

This is the creative activity of the phobic mind. There is no reasoning behind the phobic mind so please understand that it is not necessary for you to dig and dig for the "why" to this. The obsessive mind thinks of everything. When you react to your thoughts you keep the thoughts coming back. They remain harmless. They are irritating and scary but that is all that they are. Your thoughts are never a call to action. You will need to develop the attitude of "it doesn't matter one way or the other if I have these thoughts" and allow them to come and go. It takes practice. Work at it.

You can also do a couple of exercises that will make you bored of the worry and that is another way to eliminate it. One is to sit and worry (on paper) for 20 minutes or so everyday until you get bored with the fear. Don't try to fix anything. Just worry. When your time is up and the thoughts come in again (and they will) just tell yourself that it doesn't matter if you have these thoughts or not but you'll have to wait until your designated worry time to write things down.

Another approach (and I realize this is scary) is to write a worst case scenerio - again for about 20 minutes - really make it horrifying. Then read it daily for 45 minutes. You'll soon tire of it and it will let go of you.

Both of these exercises are forms of acceptance of what is going on. When you resist the thoughts keep coming back. When you accept and allow they release.

You don't have to do these exercises today. When you are ready will be fine.

The thing to keep in mind is that your thoughts are not uncommon. I remember having this fear toward my husband. I spoke to a professional about it and she said, "Why don't you ask your husband if he ever has had thoughts of killing you." I was shocked but I asked anyway. He said, yes. Well, that made my thoughts OK and they let go of their hold on me.

Make it OK to have these thoughts. Let them come and go. Don't take yourself so seriously. Breathe into those feelings as you practice letting go.