Stress Center Peer Support

I am so depressed today. My bird died and my family life is dying too. It has been for years. They just don't want to respect me or my feelings. I have tried endlessly to get functional responses from them that are compassionate or understanding, but they just think I'm some freak I guess.
I told my cousin that she doesnt respect me and she won't write back. She is 31 years old and I told her it is time to grow up and answer emails when family writes to her. She has done this to all of us for years. Her mother/my aunt is a flake and so is she I see. I used to use drugs to cover up the pain in my emotional life and I would just let things go..dysfucntional things from them all. I am soooo sick of it, that I have decided I am DONE w/ them all...all 5 of them, that is my whole family.
As I said in a prior post that a family member(my only precious Grandma) was taken from us all, by my own evil mothers hands.

How does anyone EVER get past that TRAUMA and PAIN/TORTURE?
However, after about 7 years or so of feeling this way; out of control w/ sadness, anger, family expectations and never ending judgment from them all, that I think I'm ready to try and move on w/ what life I have left in me.

That is what I'm doing here and w/ the program.

I am 43 years young and I feel wayyy older than that physcially, from Fibromyalga and chronic kidneystone disease(cystinuria=genetic & no cure)pain/trauma/10 surgeries later. And emotionally I am a wreck.
My sweet bird(lil buddy he was) dying set me back today into a deep sadness and I miss my Grandma so much that any death makes me crazy for awhile.
I know they are in heaven together, but somehow this just isn't enough when I feel so empty inside and alone here(husbands at work overnight,a railroader).
I digress,
Annie
Ancilee is my real name and I'm not ashamed to use it anymore here. I'm coming OUT of the depression closet and will add my pic as well. Why not, right? Just what have I got to lose? NOTHING, not a damned thing anymore.

Hi Ancilee,

I'm so sorry for all your pain, suffering and sorrows. family is not always the best solution to our problems as it takes people who understand just how hard life can be every day.

You are in a wonderfull place here, I know at first it didn't seem so but I make use of this forum in some way every day and it's been a huge part of my success so far.

You can PM me anytime that you need to vent. I will always reply as soon as I see it. I will do what I can to help you with all or any issues you can't post publicly.

My Thoughts And Prayers Are With YOU.

Deb

thank you, your a dear..a "real" person, wow..lol. This means so much to me.
Hearts and hugs..=)
AnciPantsy

i am sorry to hear about loss and sadness you are dealing with. believe me i understand exactly where you are coming from my family is dysfunctional with a capital d my mom feels like as long as my finances are ok that i should be ok they never understand anything i have 4 sisters which i rarely speak to because they are wacky and my mom is a drama queen in which the world revoloves around according to her so believe me i know how you feel you are in the best spot know people here understand what you are going through and are here to help i feel better just coming on here everyday knowing that there are people like me who are getting better stay strong and keep posting we are here for you

Dear Ancilee,

That's such a pretty name!

I, too, am so sorry to hear of your recent and past losses. Losing a loved one, especially someone who was a support person, can be so difficult. The sadness you still feel at the loss of your grandmother makes a lot of sense given how you've described the rest of your family. The loss of your dear bird also is understandable as it provided you with hours of companionship and kept you from feeling alone. Grief can become complicated. Have you thought about getting some counseling to deal with your grief? It might be a good idea. It's as easy as calling your local hospice. They often provide bereavement services, such as counseling and group, to individuals in the community who have experienced a significant loss even if they have never used hospice services before. They can help you normalize the grieving process and come up with strategies to use to help you cope with it.

The other thing that stuck out to me in your post is your family situation. Kudos to you for being able to say that you're done with them and their drama and dysfunction! There's some unwritten rule in our society that says family is family, but the question I ask is: If these were friends or even strangers treating you this way, would you put up with it? Probably not! Surround yourself with supportive people, and remember, you are your best support person. Also remember that we are all here for you, too! Talk positively to yourself. You deserve it!!!

Genie