Stress Center Peer Support

Can someone please tell me what the signs of depression are? i have gotten over a year of hell with anxiety, in that i dont have the panic or the pounding and racing heart and all that,i still worry about my health alot though. i have taken myself off all meds, and was using lorazepam(ativan) at night to sleep. well, i cant sleep,and havent slept in 3 weeks, even when i did, i never felt rested, i am extremely fatigued all the time(in fact it seems a very abnormal amount), but my biggest problem is my horrible mood swings, i am so unbelievably grouchy i cant even stand to be in the same room with myself. i have no patience with my kids, fly off the handle for everything, i can talk to my husband one minute and the next i become very defensive and start yelling, or talking in a very ignorant tone of voice. i am always mad, we always fight, but it seems like i cant control it, however, i can speak to my neighbour in the nicest tone and always smiling. but i am nasty to my own family. i sometimes have sadness, but i am always grouchy. is this a sign of depression, or anxiety again. i know i need sleep, but i have been like this awhile even when sleeping(even though i dont think it was real sleep). i have not actually relaxed to the point of feeling tension leave my body in two years. but, again, i have been moody for a few years, but it is just getting worse. i say alot of things to my husband that i dont mean and are not nice. and i yell at my kids alot and then of course feel very bad. can anyone give me some input please. it is ruining my marriage, and i am being a terrible mother. thank you for your help.

hi terag

from what it sounds like, it sounds like depression. i mean not all depression means, lay in ur bed all day, with the curtains closed, and isolating yourself. it can also be somewhat of what u described, but mood swings arent good. have u seen a therapist/psychologist about that. have u noticed when your mood swings started. as far as your kids. what is it about your family that gets you in that mood?
you should seek medical profession.. keep track of when its happening, time of day, what was said, last thing u ate, journal all you do when it comes to your family. look at them and seek blessings about them. focus on that, and definetly seek a professional advice. good luck though, best wishes

I don't have kids or a family to destract me from how I'm really feeling.

All in all, when I get depressed, I lose all motivation. I get cranky. I feel I should be doing something, but I don't know what I should be doing. That makes me feel frustrated. The extra gift to depression is that I get negative thoughts in my head that go round and round to beat myself up. I know I'm a good guy, but those thoughts drag me down.

The trick is to shut off the bad thoughts and try to think positive. Try to break out and even work out to burn some of that negative energy.

Terag:
I had anxiety-induced depression and my symptoms were most of the things you described. Extreme irritability, yelling at my kids all the time, no patience, tired ALL the time even when I did sleep all night. Then as it got really bad, I had terrible insomnia (only able to sleep 3-4 hours per night...at the horrible end before I found help I was sleeping only 1-2 hours a night). I would be fine to my friends and co-workers, but it would all come out with the people I felt most comfortable with. Also, I don't know how long you have taken Ativan, but it caused AWFUL rebound anxiety in me, Ambien too. I strongly encourage you to find a good psychiatrist. I had bad experience with trying to let a good-meaning family doctor try to manage my anxiety and depression, and they don't realize the potential problems with medications and all the ins and outs. BTW what finally helped me sleep was valium...much longer acting than Ativan. My psychiatrist says that Ativan is good if you need to give a speech, but not that great for anxiety disorder, though it is frequently prescribed that way. People might disagree with him, but that is one point of view. You are not a terrible mother -- you just need to find the right kind of help.