Stress Center Peer Support

I just reread this and it's so negative.

I can't delete so I'm just going to remove my comments.

I need to stop playing the victim and do my part.

Thanks for your replies.

chris when we are stressed we get such short fuses. Its overwhelming to handle all the house chores, raise the children and still find time for our spouses. I think we get to a point in life where its just easier to nit pick and to dig at eachother....it releases some type of satisfaction to see that we are making the spouse as miserable as we are.

Your husband needs to realize that after a long hard day you need some TLC....when your saying gosh Im tired you need a hug a compliment a bit of encouragement that your doing a great job and your appreciated.....not the digs hes making. That only makes us feel unappreicated and bitter. (which looks like depression)

I can totally relate to what your feeling....been married for 15 years have two small kids and its hard. I love him and he loves me but when we are tired and overdone we are the first ones we pick at. My best advice to you is to sit down and talk.....get the kids at a play date or a grandparent for a couple hours.....and set the timer he has 1 hour and you have 1 hour.....write down what you want to say and say it.....and no interruptions....you arent to interrupt him with buts and heys and he isnt to interrupt you either.

Get your cards out on the table take notes while the other is talking then spend the last 1/2 hour discussing what youve heard.

Its not going to fix it all but its a good start. Communication is key in a relationship so this is the beginning to putting it back.....and remember what he says to you and you say to him directly affects your moods your reactions and that is what sets the tone for the household.

Your not wrong for feeling picked on.....your not wrong for wanting to be loved and respected...your his wife not his room mate.
But same goes for him are you being the Love he married? takes a lot of strength to look deep inside and see the wrongs and make the changes.

You have a good heart...you sound like a really strong woman....believe in yourself and your family.....the WOMEN are the GLUE that hold the family together. You gotta control it though.

My mom has a little saying in the kitchen...
"if mama aint happy aint nobody happy!" very true.

I think you can fix this hubby of yours and get the respect you deserve the program has taught you to be assertive and in control of your anxiety now use those skills to control the marriage.

Good luck although I know you dont need it you got this girl!

You see it as him playing with you. He refuses to see it as manipulation. You do not want to put the kids through divorce, but this is difficult to put up with.

Maybe all this would benefit from a third party (ie:Christian counseling at church or marriage counselor) sorting it all out and maybe helping open up the communication between your husband and you. Some men (and even women) do not talk openly but just use what I call "slap stick" communication. My brother in-law says things similar to your husband as I have been in my brother in laws presence many times when he has done this. She tries to talk to him about it and then he turns the tables to make it like she started the problem. I KNOW it hurts and even becomes depressing for my sister. My sister is going to look into and really wants counseling for them. His disrespect, anger, bitterness and temper just seems to increase as the weeks go by. I was there last week and the guy flipped a gasket for 20 minutes because she did not have the bed sheets back on the bed because he just wanted to crawl into bed and turn the TV on! My sister had a garage sale Thur, Fri & Sat with my mom and grandmother over. She had to entertain them, cook, clean, mow 2 acres, work her job (she works from home), volunteer at the dog shelter, take care of her 2 dogs and a foster dog they took in while her husband was out of town. Oh yeah, he brought home 10 loads of laundry she was doing that evening he flipped out! So she was doing all this and he could not even put a bed together? Her husband though has issues that he never dealt with; his mothers suicide as he was the one that argued with her hours before and found her and then my sisters health issues. They do not have children, but they have been together for 20 years, married for 12. She does not want a divorce either, but having health issues and overcoming anxiety, it is hard to stay "recovered" when he is like Jeckyl and Hyde.

If what he says is bothering you, there IS a problem. You are not crazy. Maybe HE does not think there is anything wrong with speaking to you in the manner he does. Whether or not that is his intention, he DOES need to acknowledge that he does hurt you.

I hope there is a positive resolution to this for you and your family. Good luck to you!

Thanks. We started counseling together last week.


I have not been the nicest person lately either. I just want our happy life back.