Stress Center Peer Support

Does anyone else (purposely or maybe more subconsciously) make themselves anxious just because they don't think they deserve to be and feel happy sometimes? Lately when i have get togethers with my family whom i love love love to get together with, i will think of anxieties i have or my mistakes in life as to bring myself back down and not totally allow myself to enjoy what i'm so looking forward to. does this make sense? my family are my best friends and even though i've told all of my "secrets" of mistakes to my sister who is my bestfriend i make myself feel bad in a way that makes me feel like if the rest of my family knew this about me or should i tell my family this thing i did? even though i know its none of their business. i have the trouble of spilling all or the ocd confession trait, which i've been working on stopping myself from telling all, some things need to stay in my head for only me to know. its just such a compulsion and these are mainly the things i go to as to not allow myself to totally enjoy myself like i should!

today i have had this happen again and i'm making myself feel bad about something i have talked with my therapist about and even confessed to our priest who really actually did help so much, until now, i have just come back to as to torture myself with it once again.

Hi Pixie. It sounds to me that you are doing this for attention, so that people will feel sorry for you and try to help you. It sounds mean for me to say that but I think it's true.

One of the last chapters in the program actually addresses this. In it Lucinda says that there's usually some form of "pay-off" for being anxious and depressed. Something you're getting from this negative behavior and when you realize this and realize what you're doing, that you can actually stop it and begin to get rid of the anxiety and depression. Lucinda says you have to really come to the realization for you to really get rid of your problem because if you don't it can keep you "stuck".

DeeDee.

When you have a thought that is troubling to you - immediately shout STOP. (I've had enough of this back and forth, yo yo stuff! STOP!)

Then go into your calm breath. Inhale that deep breath and hold for four - exhale slowly through pursed lips and feel how your body responds in a relaxing way as you do this.

Then keep your attention on the conversation in the room. What's going on in the moment? Keep your focus on that.

Practice over and over. You ego-thinking mind will get the message and start to leave you alone.

You don't need to entertain any thoughts you do not want to. You decide what you want to focus on. Don't let your ETM run the show anymore.

Pixie - I do not agree with DeeDee. You have OCD pure and simple. That's all that is going on. You must learn to let your obsessive thinker know that you aren't putting up with it any longer. You practice the exercise in my previous post and practice it as often as unwanted thoughts come up for you and you will see a change. You will feel that peace you are looking for.

Pixie...
The key word to your question is "Make".. why do you make the decision to be anxious? This puts a lot of pressure on yourself and the people around you.

Please make the decision to feel good. Watch how friends and family react to you when you feel good. Smile, breath the air outside, invite positive energy into your sole. I challenge you.

Hi Pixie, i know that i too subconsciously (and consciously at times) made myself anxious and i've come to realize it's because i was feeling like i didn't deserve to be happy. Like Boon I also disagree that it's something you're doing for attention. For me it was that i'd been depressed and anxious for so long, feeling happy was strange and uncomfortable, if that makes any sense. I used to almost panic and there was nothing wrong-it was just a new emotion, and for me feeling happy was a little unsafe because i wasn't used to it. How long would it last? What happens if i let my guard down? It's still a struggle but lesson 3 helped me a lot. One one of the tapes I believe it's Pat who says she would catch herself when she started feeling anxious and say "Stop. This is a memory of how we used to handle things. We don't do it like that anymore." I tell myself this when i start to get nervous. Because now we are learning new skills and when we get anxious, we can start to notice our symptoms and talk ourselves through it. We can handle it. It's ok to be happy and enjoy yourself. Maybe you are feeling like you made some mistakes and that's why you're having trouble feeling happy. Work on loving yourself unconditionally and praising yourself all the time even if you feel a little silly. You do deserve to be happy. We've all made mistakes. Would you expect your sister to be anxious and depressed if she made mistakes? I bet you'd want her to forgive herself. You could try telling yourself, "i do deserve to be happy, i choose to be happy, i'm not going to worry about this right now, right now i'm going to enjoy my time with my family. It's ok to be happy I'm learning to be comfortable being happy." I like Boon's suggestion about focusing on what's going on in the moment. It helps you to stay in the present and distracts you from what you were worrying about it. Good luck to you Pixie i wish you the best.

I'm sorry to be the one that doesn't sound so positive but this doesn't sound like OCD to me. There is going to be a lesson somewhere at the end of the program where Lucinda talks about "secondary gains". She talks about how we unknowingly hold on to anxiety and depression because were're getting a "pay-off" some kind of way from holding on to the anxiety. She says that it could be that people are taking care of you and you like that, or by holding on to the anxiety you have an excuse for not going after that new job, or that when you're anxious people "baby" you or pay more attention to you, and you like that, or even maybe because you don't feel well you don't have to take care of thing around the house and you need that "break". Lucinda said that subconsciously we sabotage ourselves because we unknowingly like something that we are getting from it.

This may sound strange to the new people who haven't finished the program but you will hear this in one of the last lessons.

These are not me being "mean", this is from the program. I apologize if you feel offended but I want to give you my honest opinion.

DeeDee.