Stress Center Peer Support

Whenever I am feeling particularly anxious or nervous and don't feel like I'm able to handle it myself, I try to talk to someone (my mom, sister, other relatives, friends, etc) about it. Unfortunately they immediately say "well, there's no reason to be anxious" or "there's nothing to be nervous about", sometimes even before listening to what I say. I am feeling pretty fed up with this response. I know that they are only trying to help and may not know how to do so (though I have shared with them the suggestions from this program and others), but I feel like this response just shuts me down and doesn't do anything to help. It's like they say it and think that I'll just go "oh, ok, well as long as there's nothing to be nervous about, I'll just be fine now", because they tend to tune me out after the frustrating phrase has been uttered. This is the second time I've done the program, and I'm on Lesson 8. I KNOW that there is no reason to be anxious 99% of the time. But that doesn't seem to help me not be anxious. And no matter how many times I say that to these "helpful" people, they continue to tell me "there's no reason for this". It makes me want to jump up and down and scream! Most of all, it's usually proceeded by "Don't be silly" or some other flippant remark that only serves to make me feel bad for still being anxious when there is no "real" reason to be. I try, I really do try, not to be so nervous, but the truth is that I just am sometimes and (as I've told these people) it'd just be helpful for them to say something like "what are your concerns?" instead of brushing it all off. When they do, and because it is usally "You're being silly, there is no real reason to be nervous right now, don't you know that?", followed by a change of subject or being ignored, that I get stuck feeling worse about myself because I feel silly and stupid. I never seem to be able to say, "No wait a minute. I know logically that there is no real reason to be anxious right now, but I still am and would like your help", which is how I'd like it to go. How can I change this situation? How do I get past being mad at this response (and feeling bad about myself because of it) in order to take a breath and ask for the one I'm looking for? I'm really frustrated and don't feel like anyone is on my side anymore.

I know what you mean. I have noticed this about people close to me on this subject as well as other issues. It feels like they just brush it off and don't want to be bothered. Like it's not really important to them and they would rather talk about something that is more important to them. I think it's partly because they don't truely understand how it feels, that it is more than just being worried or nervous. And , that sometimes you can't help it even when you know there is probably nothing to be that anxious about. It's how your body and mind respond. My family is where most of my problem probably stems from. Not only genetically but also through their own anxiety and obsessing that was shown and passed on to me. Not to mention their overreacting towards me etc. Sometimes I think certain members of my family don't like to talk about this sort of thing because they don't want to face there own problems with anxiety etc. And so they either ignore it or dissmiss it as not a big deal so they don't have to talk about it. Just hang in there and try to find someone you can talk to about it. Luckily I have one family member who also has some similar problems and we sometimes talk about things. I just told them I started the program. Also I find it helpful to participate on this web site. It helps to know others are going through the same thing. The help chat room is great when you really want to talk about or get help on something you are dealing with. Try not to get frustrated. I know how it can make things worse when you try to reach out and feel like people aren't there for you.

Until you have experience generalised anxiety you can't possibly understand what its like. Its not there fault they are clueless on the subject, I've never told anyone for that exact reason, Until one of them experiences what I have went through then I won't be telling a soul

Yes these comments are rather annoying, and it's like they somehow believe you can shut it off at the drop of a hat. I used to be able to use self-control in that manner, until peri-menopause hit..now I do consider it generalized anxiety that is at a varying degree depending on what's going on any given day. What I notice with family members, now that my eyes have been open WIDE through Lucinda's amazing program, is ALL of my family members have anxiety. Granted it doesn't manifest like mine does, except for my younger brother, who is as sensitive as I am. But my younger sister is bossy and controlling and filled with fear about many things, and my older brother doesn't know how to forgive and is filled with bitterness most of the time and is angry. SO it's ALL anxiety!! I also pay attention to many things with my parents as well, and am totally noticing where many of my fears have come from, and they aren't just from my Dad as I once thought. My Mom is very self-conscious in many settings and also does the fear talk quite regularly as well. It's interesting to notice these things and think - hummmmmm - so that's where this came from!! SO I forgive and move on and hack this crap off our family tree with prayer so it doesn't move into my kids. Fun talking!!