Stress Center Peer Support

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me almost a year ago. zit was in july. i literally started dating someone 2 weeks after because i am frightened of being alone and miserable. The person i dated after him is my boyfriend now and we live together. I seem to always take things TOO fast because i am scared and depressed. I am realizing now how much i miss my boyfriend of 4 years and I know he'd never take me back but i keep thinking maybe there is a little bit of hope or if we are meant to be he will come find me like prince charming and we will live happily eve after. But why am i feeling so sad NOW??! was my now boyfriend a great distraction and i am now grieving over my ex? this is so unbelievably painful and i wish i could just talk to my ex and maybe see that he has changed and i can move on? My boyfriend now is great. very sweet guy. . . but my ex was just more passionate and seemed to get me. maybe cause we were together for so long. . though my ex was very jealous and sometimes i'd be so scared of him and he hurt me plenty. . i hurt him a lot too though. . gosh i miss him so much and i dont get it. my panic started 2 months ago and that when everything started going down hill for me. i hadnt had a panic attack in over a yr and i got one at work cause i felt like i couldnt breath. it had nothing to do with my ex. . but since than i have been getting panic attacks and than physical symptoms and i thought i was dying and than a little agoraphobia and than the depression (which is the worst to me) and now i keep thinking of Jon (my ex)AHhhh. i even feel like i am losing interest with Nick (my boyfriend) and that scares me. i dont want to fall out of love with him.. .. what would i do? i'll have nooone and be even more depressed. i feel like im going crazy over this. what can i seriously do to get over him. . i guess tell this to my therapist this Wednesday would be a start right? Bleh. this is an awful state to be in. I keep thinking of all these amazing memories we had AND to top it off mine and jons apartment was my safe place. My haven. my castle. and he was my safe person. Now i live in this new apartment and its foreign to me and not comfortable or safe to me. so when i do the relaxation tapes they say go to your safe place and that is my old living room and than i cant get relaxed because i think of jon. Am i missing him now because i distracted myself with nick, i guess is the question. And will this go away? thanks for hearing me out.

Hello,
It sounds as if you let yourself reflect on old memories and it scared you a bit. It is normal to miss the person who was in your life, and "got you".. we all have that person.
Since ur panic attack at work you have been craving "the safe feeling" and thats why u r thinking about him and your old living room... revisit the program, you are your safe person, you are your safe place.
It is ok to concentrait on yourself for a while, if your current guy is worthy, he will understand that you need to figure this out before you can move forward.
Can you stay with a friend for 2 weeks? family? you need to adress the issues making it impossible for you to be comfortble being alone.
Your past relationship broke up beacause something was broken... dont forget that. Also, Jealousy is not love in any way shape or form.. you said he was jealous and hurt you plenty, and you also hurt him. hmmmm, think about that.
love is kind, not jealous or boastful..
Passion can be created, and it will always fade..talk to your curent partner about your feelings, be assertive and ask for what you need, calmly in a non accusitory way..
Back to Basics, i am not sure where you are at in the program but revisit a few of the chapters, make it priority.
I hope this helped, and I wish you the best of luck!
Bonnie

I can understand where you are coming from. My ex and I broke off a 3 year relationship 4m onths ago.
There are many times I am scraed and want to be with him, because that is what I have been use to.
It sounds like to me that you never gave yourself time to heal from the relationship before you jumped into another. I live alone which has been a very scary thing for me to do. I grew up with 5 brothers and sisters, and have been in 3 long term relationships. I contiuned to do this through out my entire 20's.
What I am tryingto say is without knowing who you are I dontthink you will ever be truely satisfyed with anybody. Loving yourself is the fitst step in being able to love someone else. How is that possible if you have never given yourself the chance to heal and grow from what you have been through.
I am not saying that it has not been hard for me, and that I want to call and say "take me back", but what would that do I would be right where I started.
Its a very difficult thing to accept that a relationship you put all your time and energy did not work, but it didn't work for a reason and you have to contiune to tell yourself that.
I hope you are feeling better from the last time you wrote,and will find time to heal and make yourself your comfort zone.

wow smiles you got it right on the dot i think. the last time i had anxiety/depression i was with my ex and now i am dealing with it without him. . and carebear i do have to keep telling myself there was/ is a reason why we are not together. Emmaphobia, i dont think i am distracting myself with my ex because thinking of him is the worst thing of all to think of cause it hurts so much and scares me. id rather be having a panic attack than think of him. But you are right about me being in the frame of mind where i think he is perfect and my life was perfect. thinking back No it was not even close to perfect. i even remember thinking before he broke up with me that i didnt want to be with him forvever and knew that i wasnt going to. Its crazy, but thinking now after reading all of your posts but maybe he didnt really get me. and my life was not perfect at all with him and pre panic attack in march i was fine and hardly missed him and was so happy with my boyfriend now and everything was good. but now i think it is that i am craving the safe feeling. that is so true. and smiles youre so right jealousy is not love. wow guys... such great helpful replies. thank you all so much. you all said things that made me think clearly

You will never be alone! You have us,and we definitely know how you are feeling, some of us first hand. So dont hesitate to post when you need support. Im gld you feel better, now tell yourself 10 positive things about your life and go to bed with a clear head!

great idea! Thank you so much!