Stress Center Peer Support

Wow....me.....miss positivity here on chat and forum....well I guess its all just been too much lately.....I feel beaten down and anxiety is winning. I had a birthday party to go with my son and we had to turn around and come home...hes so dissappointed and I dont blame him one bit.

My life is in the toilet right now even though I am trying hard to stay positive. Our finances are out of control. Our mortgage is crazy and our options are not good with that. My Mother told me this week to leave her alone....my sister told me weeks ago that if I wasnt her sister she wouldnt like me. My marriage is working ok but I have to constantly work at it and its draining me.

I am so wasted. My daughter goes to bed hard and my son is up at the crack of dawn. My husband is working all the time and when hes not hes "having fun" because he needs his time.
Its all just so overwhelming. I feel like Im trapped and cant get out.

And today I got the chance to get out and I caved. Sweaty feeling heart racing spacy in the head gonna vomit you name it I had it....and I had to come back home. Now I know its anxiety cuz although I dont feel much better I do feel better being home. And that scares me more. I thought I was so much better than this. Ive learned the skills, I use them everyday. Im so tired of it all already.

I love the chat but sometimes I wonder if hearing all the problems of the others on there if thats not embedding into my head and making me slip.....which is another tough delima...I dont have much in the way of "my own" and this chat and some of the people in it are my freinds but how do I shut out all the rest?

Im so not in a good place right now. Its hard.
I will not go back to the person I was afraid and avoiding....but I see it showing its ugly head.
Dodger

Dodger

I can imagine how you feel. It's so easy to get down on yourself, but keep the positive thoughts coming because you will get over this too. I think it is great that at the end of your post , you said you will NOT go back to the person you were afraid and avoiding. We all have our "growth spurts" and that's all this is. I see the great advice and courage you give everyone when I read posts, so, just give yourself the same to float through this time. I know it gets hard (I dont know how old your kids are), I have a boy and a girl, 4 and 6 and when finances our thrown in the mix, things can get real ugly fast. Take care of yourself, you will feel better soon.

Hi Dodger. As Lucinda said in the program, Growth spurts will happen but you will never go back to being that old person you're fearing because you know too much now, and too many tool to get you out of this situation. Dodger, this can happen to anyone. Don't beat yourself up, because as you've learned , it will only make things worse.

Be gentle with yourself and don't feel guilty about missing out on one activity with your child. You're a good mom and i'm sure you've done a whole lot of good things with him. Although you feel bad and will probably remember this and have guilt over it, YOUR SON WON'T. Children don't remember all of the disappointments that we do and think they do. I know that for a fact. I had loads of things concerning my children that I felt guilty for. And after months of guilt my daughters and I were talking about some of the things. My eldest daughter said to me "mama, don't worry about that. That was a long time ago and we knew how you felt". and the younger one didn't even remember any of them.

Don't dwell on what your husband is doing, just take care of yourself now. Pray and let GOD handle it all. He'll tell you what to do about the finances and lead you to what you need to do.

Go back to the program and do the lessons that you need now. I know you'll be okay.

DeeDee.

I have done the same thing myself Dodger. I beat myself up over it, but in the end know at least I tried! At least I didn't stay home altogether! With kids just getting out the door is a feat in itself! And I like the idea that it was a learning experience. And next time you'll do better.

This doesn't mean you'll do this next time. Probably means that next time you'll be certain not to come back home!

When I feel like coming home I think about the things I've missed in the past and how I don't want to miss whatever it is I'm heading toward. The fun when you get there is like a reward.

One time I had to run out of a class (so embarassing). We were in this really tiny room and I got feeling like the air was stuffy and on top of anxiety, well I got lightheaded. But I noticed after I left, something the class was doing was apparently funny (they weren't laughing at me, I know) and I thought "man if I had just hung on a little longer, I would have been fine."

The funny thing is that from then on whenever our class was in that tiny room everybody stayed near the door! And people kept stepping out for air! hahaha So, it wasn't just me!

But yes I too have run out or come home myself. But that doesn't mean I keep doing it, because I haven't in a long time.