Stress Center Peer Support

I am on session 2 for the second time around on the session. I want to put this out there, I just explained to my parents some things i needed to vent. I just finished writing some negative thoughts, I feel or must appear dull or non/expressive. Positive: Who cares what other people may think, this isn't permanent. I am a male and i am not constantly expressing my feelings and chatting all the time. I feel like i don't have stories to tell others, or feel talkative and expressive very much throughout the day, i try to change this to the positive saying i can change this by not remaining in my depressed state of mind and just start trying to be animated. This has been an ongoing concern, alot of it has to do with finding passion in life and having a strong social group and hobbies, i'm sure. The biggest worry of mine, is when engaging in social situations such as talking to strangers or people i barely know, is how to keep a conversation lively or with some substance. I also believe i need to work on developing more of a sense of humor, in order to feel more comfortable and interesting. Sometimes i find my voice projection as being weak and not lively. I am only 23 years old and havn't had this problem for all that long, just maybe being conscious of it since the last years of high school, those were the hardest years, experimenting with marijuana, tobacco, and alcohol. I'm clean now from all, and i have for the past couple of years tried to become more spiritual as well as getting saved. Just felt like letting go here and I hope that anyone can relate, this is negative, but confronting the negative and deliberately trying to see the lighter side is what we are all here for, right?! Let me know if anyone can relate to any of these insights, i explained to my mom that i doubt anyone in the world thinks and feels these thoughts.

The key statement for me in you posting was "how to keep the .....lively....substance...." this is where I get into trouble because my idea was always to try to be responsible for the level of liveliness and substance in a group conversation. It had to be a perfect exchange and everyone needed to be treated to an onslaught of the wonderful witty, profound and all knowing ME. Of course this was all overreaction because I constantly worried about what they thought about ME and would obsess terribly sometimes for days about what I had said or didn't say or didn't say just right.

Finally after years of this insanity I've learned to be a participant and not a controller. It was tough for me to learn that group conversations after awhile just lose momentum and I don't need to be responsible for keeping something going that needs to end. The best and most enjoyable conversations I have now is when I just listen and interject a reality based comment or two now and then. It's really 1000 times easier than I use to make it, plus I keep my self esteem and confidence well checked and intact. Regarding humor in groups I've learned the hard way to stay clear of off color comments regardless of how funny I think it they might be. I keep them to myself and chuckle to myself. I also have learned not to make fun of others in an arrogant manner, this always seemed to backfire and I just ended up looking and sounding like an ass. I guess my rule of thumb in conversations in groups or at parties or even one on one at social events is to keep it light, be kind and gentle and always respectful and courteous and instead of being a downer or negative I always try to say something either complimentary or positive. If the conversations are negative I usually bow out gracefully to another group.