Stress Center Peer Support

Hi all,

I am not sure how long I have been suffering from anxiety and depression, but for as long as I can remember I have had a fear of failure and rejection. I have always wanted to impress people, but it usually goes unnoticed. I have pretty much just stopped doing the things that could be associated with failure. I lack the self confidence it takes to complete things. For example: I didnt graduate from highschool, I left being one credit short of graduating. It took me 2 years to go back to school and get the credit. But still didnt graduate because I havent yet done my compulsary 40 hours of community service. So needless to say I have not gone to college, or even come across anything that I would like to study in the future. It seems like everything is just too hard and I am afraid to spend a lot of money (which I dont have) on something that I may not finish, or end up not wanting to study. That is just one issue I have. Another being, I have been in love with someone for years who is not my boyfriend. Him and I have some really good times together, and we have a very special connection which I have not experienced with anyone else. I have never told him how I feel about him because I am afraid that it will change our friendship. Not that our friendship has been that great over the past year because my current boyfriend rightfully hates this guy, and senses our "connection". I am just so unsure how to go about these things so I end up staying exactly where I am, even though I long for change. I am currently out of work because my anxiety and panic was so debilitating, but after being on medication for a while, I am feeling a lot more calm and relaxed. I dont want to go back to my old job as a waitress because it was just too stressful and I didnt like the hours. Finding a new job is tough where I live, unless you want to work at a hotel or restaurant. Neither interest me anymore. I just need some advice on how to get the ball rolling.
Thanks
Jadee

i too have a fear of failure. i often find myself never being anything like other people. its hard but when i have my good days when life is ok i pracyice self talk technigues and tell myself if i can not be happy for me then who will. i dont practice what i preach but there is a job out there for you it will come. i found that i like dressing up nice so i brcame a bank teller and i love it working in a retail store i found that i have great people skills even though i think its fake because i am easily intimitated by people. i do what i have to. as far as your boyfriend is concerned i think you have ti fallow your heart i have a friend that i was friends with in grade school then when we were 6 he and his family moved away know 13 years later he finds me leaves his fiance he is in iraq in the army and emails me and tells me he loves me which i cann not beleive. i can not believe that anyone can love me i have never had the attention from a man not even my father. there is a guy who likes me when he is free and i give in to his needs just so i get attention and i knmow that is negative attention but i still hunger for that connection. not sure if i helped you but thanks for reading my thoughts

awesome topic jadee and lonelygirl
I have had the fear of rejection most of my life...along with many other fears
It caused me to isolate myself and to also do things I normally would not do.Fear can paralyze me,and cause me to do nothing.It can cause me to settle for whatever I can get instead of going for the best or something better.It causes me to look in the mirror and not like the guy looking back.


recently I took a fear inventory
I wrote down the fear
I kept digging and trying to see what I could find.I dug layers deep into it and I saw something that always been hidden from me.I saw a thread thru my life and it was getting worst and affecting my personel relationships.
I kept pushing myself and kept asking myself why do I feel this way.I soon saw where my fear turned into actions.Actions such as anger,not trusting others,frustrating experiences,my lack of trusting others and God.It had distorted my thinking too.I saw where 2 personal relationships was damaged because of my actions.

Fear produced negative actions and then those negative actions produce more fear.Like a snowball rolling downhill out of control getting bigger and bigger.
as I looked over the 1 1/2 page inventory of my fear,I saw where one fear turned into a mess,and I was miserable.
when it was done it showed me some things about myself.
I saw where it came from my self reliance and God was gone,it all came from me.I had tried to handle it and manage it,deny it,suppress it everything but face it and live thru it.I saw a amends to 2 people I needed to make which I did.

I learned a lot from doing a deep fear inventory and getting honest with myself.

ladies maybe this can help....

You may really not appreciate this advice, but here goes: Take this program and also follow a piece of advice from the first workbook, supplement with additional related reading from books that compliment this program. Set aside all your expectations and practice, practice, practice all the things in Session Three. It sounds like you are successfully drowning yourself with things you can learn to stop doing by really understanding and applying Sessions Three and Four.
Rejection is part of life and you are always going to be rejected. Your ability to recognize your reactions and use the tools here will make those rejections just little pebbles along the path. Right now, rejection seems to be the giant rock that's blocking your journey. It's just a thinking not a fact. I really wish you luck, and I hope your thinking doesn't keep you stuck. By the way, get this entire program into your life, use these tools, and your relationships might not be so frustrating.