Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 1:35 pm
I shared alot about my life with you all, in the last year and today I faced one of my greatest fears 
MY EX HUSBAND!!!
I never really realized just how nervous I get when I know he's coming for a visit. But today I was a bundle of anxiety(actually I've been feeling it for a couple of days, just blamed the "jitters" on well,ummm, sorry "guys"..PMS LOL)
AS I've explained before, My first four children are from my ex..We divorced over 12 yrs ago. Since than, I married again (to a wonderful man) and had twins..anyways..
I was in a very verbal/emotional and sometimes physical abusive marriage that lasted about 14 yrs. ultimately ended with him having an affair(thank God!) I was 13 when we got together..I know..
makes me want to throw up when I think about it. LOL! Well, he lives in another state so every year he makes his appearance to visit his children. But today was different!!! HE HAS NO POWER OVER ME I wasn't scared or intimidated! I realized just how "small" he really is! For years he used his control(at the time I didn't know that in fact it was I that was giving it to him) But today I felt empowered! He was in my territory and this is MY LIFE!!! I reflected on the last 9 years(with now hubby) and really got an eye opening appreciation for him and all the great things he does for me!!! I needed this, I really feel that I've never really let go of all the pain in my past, perhaps this is the revelation that I needed I just wanted to share this, as this is definately one of those "past" things that I continue to battle..BUT, I see how much I've changed in the last year and to be blunt, I'M PRETTY DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!
MY EX HUSBAND!!!I never really realized just how nervous I get when I know he's coming for a visit. But today I was a bundle of anxiety(actually I've been feeling it for a couple of days, just blamed the "jitters" on well,ummm, sorry "guys"..PMS LOL)
AS I've explained before, My first four children are from my ex..We divorced over 12 yrs ago. Since than, I married again (to a wonderful man) and had twins..anyways..
I was in a very verbal/emotional and sometimes physical abusive marriage that lasted about 14 yrs. ultimately ended with him having an affair(thank God!) I was 13 when we got together..I know..
makes me want to throw up when I think about it. LOL! Well, he lives in another state so every year he makes his appearance to visit his children. But today was different!!! HE HAS NO POWER OVER ME I wasn't scared or intimidated! I realized just how "small" he really is! For years he used his control(at the time I didn't know that in fact it was I that was giving it to him) But today I felt empowered! He was in my territory and this is MY LIFE!!! I reflected on the last 9 years(with now hubby) and really got an eye opening appreciation for him and all the great things he does for me!!! I needed this, I really feel that I've never really let go of all the pain in my past, perhaps this is the revelation that I needed I just wanted to share this, as this is definately one of those "past" things that I continue to battle..BUT, I see how much I've changed in the last year and to be blunt, I'M PRETTY DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!