wayneg,
Two years ago, I sat in front of the TV flipping channels for no apparent reason, crying my eyes out (literally shaking all over and sobbing and hyperventilating)concerned about my son who was suffering from depression at the time, knowing, that by my own example, he had not learned effective coping skills in life,(OK so I didn't know it was the coping skills at that moment, but I knew my actions and words had spilled over into his life) and desperately praying to God to guide me in some way to help him and deliver me from the grips of panic attacks, anxiety and bouts of depression.
Yup, I was a mess and had known it for years and even had doctors telling me now and then with my trips to the ER that I should get meds for anxiety.
Well I didn't, for almost 30 years.
So anyway, that very night while flipping channels I hit on a channel playing Lucinda's infomercial. It stopped me dead in my tracks.
Somehow I caught the infomercial right at the beginning and after listening for about 2 minutes said" OMG that's ME".
You know, I really believe that God intervened here and was probably saying something like " Hey you, here's something that can help, take it , I'm throwing it right in your lap, it's just what you need and now you have to make a choice".
It was amazing. I ordered the program the next day , thinking that I'd probably send it back, but what the heck, I'll try it out.
My negative thoughts always popped in there somewhere.
Please understand, I had given myself every "reason" in the book for many many years as to why I was the way I was.
I was abused as a child, verbally and physically, was born with multiple heart defects and have had 13 surgeries throughout my life-heart and others-was married in the past to a very abusive man, was disabled from a car accident 10 years ago, dealt with a verbally abusive sister that most people would have shipped off to an abandoned island somewhere
, (hah you think I jest here),suffered with daily, horrendous panic attacks, eventually became agoraphobic to the point that I could not drive at all by myself, and constantly beat myself up every day with negative thoughts, lowering my self esteem into the pits.
Am I OK now? Yes. Better than I ever could have imagined. I have strength from growing with life's experiences, I have courage that I never dreamed would be a part of me, I have gained so much wisdom from my own pain and become a help to others, I have accomplished many good things in life that I now give myself credit for and I'm finally CONTENT and PEACEFUL most of the time.
The bottom line here. You CAN get off that roller coaster. It's a conscious decision and it takes work to get there and it's worth every minute you spend getting there.
For yourself, your wife and that beautiful little son of yours, make the choice to change.
We decide to stay the way we are or we decide to change. One brings misery and one brings comfort. IN deciding to change ourselves, we also bring comfort, confidence and increased self esteem to our children.
My own children, now in college, REALLY appreciate the new me. Actually just the old, lovable me,
with awesome coping skills now. They always loved me, but now they can truly see by example, that life has it's tough spots, but that doesn't mean there aren't lots of good, even fabulous moments in between.
If you don't have this program. Please. Try it out. If you do have it, please work at it with all your heart and mind, step by step.
I sleep better now, feel better, and see and experience life from a whole new perspective now.
Huge hugs and prayers for you.