Stress Center Peer Support

So, does anybody in here have experience with repressed memory therapy? I don't know if I believe in it at all. But, there has to be something in my past, a memory I can't get access to that is holding me back. I've hit a wall. I did session 3 two weeks ago and haven't done anything in the program since. I had a really bad weekend. I'm going to start back up today...but, I just can't help thinking maybe there's something I'm missing. Anybody have any thoughts??

funny you should bring this up, because this came up for me too when i had cranio-sacral therapy 5 months ago. I had a repressed memory come up re: a sexual molestation from a very young age - but I have no proof that it actually happened, just all the emotions and bad feelings and body reaction.

I was told by another therapist to just let it go because I have no proof, so why indulge something negative that may not have happened, and that when we're young our brain can create negative associations that may not be what actually happened.

Since then, I've had the issue come up again a few times, and I feel that it probably did really happen to me. I've often wondered WHAT could have happened, that there had to be something in my past to make me have all these issues! But it could just be wanting validation of chronic internal stress and pain so who really knows!

My boyfriend thinks I should see a hypnotherapist to get to the subconscious level, and that's my next plan. I haven't really done hypnotherapy before so maybe it would help me bypass all the opposition from my conscious mind.

Jason and ItsOkay -

I don't have any experience with repressed memory therapy, but my only advice is BE VERY CAREFUL with this. There are too many stories from the last few decades of families being ruined from supposed repressed memories surfacing during therapy that ultimately turned out not to be true. I'm not saying that people don't have repressed memories and that these memories can't cause problems later in life, but just to be cautious about going about searching for something that might not really be there. We tend to be very sensitive and suggestable people, so keep this in mind as you explore your past.

Best of luck to both of you,
Jamie

Might I add that if there are supressed memories it will not take away the learned behaviors of panic knowing that there is. You will still need to relearn how you cope with stress . I believe that I have blocked memories of things too but I am not going to wait till they come forward to learn coping skills for panic and stress. I will learn this first and I think when I feel confident and strong enough in my coping skills they may come back on their own without any proding. I hope that makes sense. I know worrying about the "what if's" is maddening but in some ways they are just a distraction from the here and now.
Take care and I hope things begin to turn around for you for the better soon.


Jill~

Thanks for the input guys. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws because I'm not getting any better and I'm looking for any reason why. ....broken spirit today...

Jason -

I'm so sorry you're feeling so discouraged. I know exactly how your feel since I've been there many times myself (in fact, I'm not far from there now). From what I've learned in my journey so far is that there isn't typically an easy answer. Getting over anxiety is hard work and takes a lot of time and effort.

Keep in mind that you're only on Week 3. That means you've only complete 20% of the program. There is still so much to learn. I know it's frustrating. I keep asking myself why I'm not better yet. But I know the answer is that I'm still learning, still practicing new skills, and I will be able to get through this. Please don't give up yet. You have so much potential; don't let it go to waste. Don't let the anxiety and depression win.

There may be some underlying cause to your anxiety. And depending on what it might be, uncovering it and dealing with it might be very helpful. But that doesn't take away from all the things you are learning in this program. As Jill said, you still need the the coping skills that we are learning to deal with your stress.

There's one more thing you may want to consider. I mention it because I fell into the same trap many times. In looking for an underlying cause, I was really avoiding what really needed to be done: facing my fears. I'm not saying that you shouldn't look at other ways to help you in healing process, just don't stop working on the cognitive behavioral therapy that we are learning while you look at other options.

Be well,
Jamie

Part of my recovery entailed I go through intensive therapy - maybe not exactly as y'all are describing - but very intensive never the less. I was 37 yrs old when my anxiety disorder triggered. I had experienced some serious trauma starting all the way back to when I was 5 yrs old & forward. Probably moreso, than most in a lifetime. That is 20-30+ yrs of stuff. A lot of these things I remembered as clear as day - as if it happened like yesterday. I just didn't want to remember them & feel the pain/fear associated. So, they just built up & up. Then, there were some things that the pot had to be "stirred" so to speak. No, I'm not referring to "implanted memories". Rather, the more I delved into what I did remember, the more room I made in my emotional storage for the other stuff & the more courage I had to face other things.

See, 1 of my biggest problems was I never realized the emotional impact(totally) on me. I had assumed I lived it already - survived it, so its done & over w/. Prior to my "journey to recovery", it was never a case of THINK & FEEL. Rather, for me it was always SINK OR SWIM = LIVE & SURVIVE. This in & of itself, while absolutely a protective mechanism, was a neg learned behavior. I just kept surpressing everything, till my "EMOTIONAL STORAGE" spilleth over. I had absolutely no clue how all that stuff related to my anxiety when it triggered. I did come to understand.

Before I could even begin to face myself - heck, I'll keep it REAL, before I even knew I had a problem & that ownership of it was mine, I had to face those experiences & their respective emotions. Had I not, they would just constantly regurgitate themselves for an indifinite period of time. Facing them = accepting that they did happen + accepting that they made me feel X/Y/Z + accepting that nothing I do can change them + accepting they weren't my fault + learning forgiveness = ME PUTTING MYSELF IN THE POSITION to FACE MYSELF & CLAIM MY RECOVERY. In simplistic terms, kind of like me saying to myself, "Lenore, yes I understand why I feel the way I do towards certain things + why I think/act/react negatively - esp in particular circumstances. However, I don't want to feel this way anymore(anxiety & panic filled w/ no sleep). I lived in a negative state for yrs & THIS IS WHERE IT GOT ME - so, THAT WAY isn't working. This is our life & we bare responsibility to noone, but God & ourself. So, blame doesn't belong to ANYONE - not you or any respective perpetrators fr our youth OR any circumstances you were put in that was frightening. This is our life Lenore, & we owe it to ourselves & our LITTLE LENORE - the child w/in(who couldn't do for herself) TO HEAL/GROW/EVOLVE/LET GO/FORGIVE - so we can recover." I know that sounds kind of wishy washy, lol - but for me, that is literally what happened. Having faced my past - vias 3yrs of tough therapy, I woke up 1 day & DARN IT, I had enough. That was then, this is now & I wanted more/better - I wanted the peace of mind that had eluded me all my life: 30+ yrs is a longggg time to live as an anxious person. My anxiety may not have triggered till I was 37 - but I was experiencing it, sadly & unfortunately, since I was like 5. Makes me cry for the child I was. I can't change that - I could change NOW & ME.

I want to state, the "tough stuff" for me was done under the eye of a medical professional = a psychiatrist w/ 30+ yrs experience, specializing in trauma. He didn't create memories for me, or in me. Rather, he created an environment where I felt comfortable facing things. Some thing, as I mentioned, required him "stirring the pot". That doesn't mean IMPLANTING MEMORIES - rather, it meant general conversation, I initially had no clue why he was bringing something up. I'd go home & it got me to thinking. Now, he was the trained expert - so @ no time was he creating anything. He would probe, delicately for specific details. So, in the end, it was ME TELLING HIM MY STORY. How he did what he did, Ive no clue, lol & Iwent through it. However, he is 1 of MY EARTH'S ANGELS - he helped me do what I never thought possible - experience peace of mind + forgiveness + empathy for folks fr childhood + letting go.

There was 1 particular thing I couldn't remember during therapy. I won't get into any unnecessary details. It involved someone doing something wrong to me as a young girl. Now, this person was the last person brought up during my session/time in therapy. He was very cautious about not creating memories & told me as much. I just couldn't remember. I knew I was ready to face it - but the memories weren't there. My former therapist didn't force it. I in turn told him, I don't know if such & such, did this & that. However, I am not gonna force it or spin wheels trying to remember. I'm tired of being in therapy, hahaha. I am ready to face it if it comes up & if it happened. Until then, I am ready to move on.

See, for me, therapy helped me/aided me/equipped me TO FACE MY PAST. Lucinda's program helped me face & change myself - she showed me how. Looking back, all facts given, I can see as clear as day WHY I GOT ANXIETY DISORDER. Once I went through that intensive process of facing all those things & the pain (I seriously own stock in KLEENEX TISSUE MAN, AHAHAHAH - just joking) - I simply said, "Lenore, there are some things about you that need to change." I simply wanted to feel better - not just in terms of anxiety & all - but being the FOREVER VICTIM I had been. Irrevalent to what + why + when + how + he + she + they + them, I LENORE WANTED TO RECOVER.

THere may be a few things I don't remember, sure. I won't force it + create it - if it comes out - it does, if not, ok. ALL IN ALL & STILL, my load is a lot ligher having faced what I have, my past & myself.

Your friend,

LENORE