Stress Center Peer Support

I am 26 and have a four year old. I live in a small town in the mountains about an hour and a half from a good sized city. I have had anxiety for 5 years. Don't know where it started. I keep thinking if when I did drugs if that had something to do with it. I quit doing drugs and drinking. Then I had my son who is now for. I can not drive by myself. My sons school is 15 miles away and I have to be able to drive him there. I always get feeling like I am suffocating and going to pass out and die. I have developed phobias of meds. and want to beat this thing without any meds. Now I have a medical condition with my right side that the docs are blowing off as anxiety. I just want to enjoy my life with my son. Do fun things like a normal mom. Take him to the zoo and different things. Does anyone have any tips for getting back to normal driving?My son always asks who is going with us. Why can't it be just you and me. Any tips would be great.

mountain girl,
hugs to you! I know how frustrated you feel. I used to have horrible panic attacks every day and the worst were when I was driving. It got to the point for me that I became agoraphobic and was basically housebound unless my hubby or someone else went with me. This went on for years until I started this program. It shocked the heck out of me that I could LEARN how to stop the attacks and change my life to the point that I don't have them any more.
If you don't have the program, for now -
As soon as an attack starts , tell yourself over and over that you will be OK -because you WILL- and start to-
Breathe in deep for 2 seconds slowly and then out for 4 seconds, and repeat this for about a minute.
Don't try to fight the panic attack.
Accept it for what it is and KNOW that it will NOT hurt you. Tell yourself this too.
Start up a good conversation with yourself- out loud or silently and tell yourself good, positive and comforting things as if you were talking to your son or a good friend to comfort them.
If you're at home -get busy doing something -anything. Go clean up the kitchen, put away toys, take the garbage out, clean out a drawer or something.
If you're in the car, (yes, you will get back to driving again)start singing a good song and/ or talking to your son about exciting adventures or a good TV show or start up a game counting something. This is just to distract yourself and it works.
This came from the program and it really works.
Get this program if you don't have it. You and your son will benefit. That little boy needs his mommy feeling well and emotionally strong and thinking positively about herself and showing him how to be confident and to love himself as a wonderful person.
If I can do it , so can you.
Start getting in that car baby step by baby step.
Order Carolyn's tape from this website for learning to drive with comfort. Awesome tape. About $10.00.Play it before and while you drive.
Customer service # is 1-800-944-9428.

Hugs to you and your son.

Hello, Mountain girl
I just want to let you know that I feel your pain. My son is not in school yet, and I actually order the program to be a better mother for him, and start driving before he goes to school. I stop driving about two years ago, and I got to the point to be agoraphobic which means to be afraid of any place exept your home about 6 months ago, till I decided to look for help and I found a good therapist, and she actually help me a little bit. But, then I found the program and it has been a great blessing. So far it has help me A LOT!!!!!!! in a lot of ways. I over came my anxiety about 7 years ago when I started college so, I have faith I can do it again. I know this time has been way much harder because I think I reach my lowest point of anxiety which was to be agorophobic, but the program has help me to be a much more positive person, less afraid of things, I do my best in living the very precious moment, and I'm actually driving with my baby and my mom as a passager 20 miles distances. Let me tell you that I couln't even do that two weeks ago till now. I am taking baby steps, later my plan is to tell my Mom to follow me, (in short distances) and I know I won't feel well, but I will just think IT'S JUST ANXIETY IT WON'T KILL ME!!!!!! ITS JUST ANXIETY, AND EVERYBODY HAS IT!!!!! I don't know in which Session are you, I'm in Session 8 and it has been a wonderful journey. I will pray for you and for me, so we can drive again by ourselves soon!!!!

P.S. I will get the "Drive with Comfort" CD soon too!!! I heard is good. Although I know that I have to experience the panicki feelings in order to become better at it.... good luck

lovelysmile

Dear Mountain Girl,

Help for Phobias: Imagery Desensitization

The most effective way to overcome a phobia is simply to face it. Continuing to avoid a situation that frightens you is, more than anything else, what keeps the phobia alive.
Having to face a particular situatin you have been avoiding for years may at the outset seem an impossible task. Yet this task can be made manageable by breaking it down into sufficiently small steps. Instead of entering a situation all at once, you can do it very gradually in small or even minute increments. And instead of confronting the situation directly in real life, you can face it first in your imagination. This is where imagery desensitization comes in.
Sensitization is a process of becoming sensitized to a particular simulus. In the case of phobias, it involves learning to associate anxiety with a particular situation. Perhaps you once panicked while sitting in a car as the driver or as a passenger. If your anxiety level was high, it's likely that you acquired a strong association between being in that particular situation and being anxious. Thereafter, being in, near or perhaps just thinking about the situation automatically triggered your anxiety: a connection between the situation and a strong anxiety repsponse was established. Because this connection was automatic and seemingly beyond your control, you probably did all you could to avoid putting yourself in that situation again. Your avoidance was rewarded because it saved you from reexperiencing your anxiety. At the point where you began to always avoid the situation, you devoloped a full-fledged phobia.

Desensitization is the process of unlearning the connection between anxiety and a particular situation. For desensitization to occur, you need to enter a phobic situation while you're in a relaxed or relatively relaxed state. With imagery desensitization, you visualize being in a phobic situation while you're relaxed. If you begin to feel anxious, you retreat from your imagined phobic situation and imagine yourself instead in a very peaceful scene. With real-life desensitization, you confront a phobic situation directly, but physically retreat to a safe place if your anxiety reaches a certain level. In both cases the point is to 1) unlearn a connection between a phobic situation (such as driving on the freeway) and an anxiety response and 2) reassociate feelings of relaxation and calmness with that particular situation. Repeatedly visualizing a phobic situation while relaxed - or actually entering it while relaxed - will eventually allow you to overcome your tendency to respond with anxiety. If you can train yourself to relax in response to something, you will no longer feel anxious about it. Relaxation and anxiety are incompatible responses, so the goal of desensitization is to learn to remain in the phobic situation and be relaxed at the same time.
You may be asking why it's necesasry to go through the desensitization process initially in your imagination. Why not just face the dreaded object or situation in real life? More than thirty years ago, the behavioral psychologist Joseph Wolpe discovered the efficacy of desensitization through imagery. In some cases it is so effective tht it supplants the need for real-life desensitization. In other cases, imagery desensitization reduces anxiety sufficiently to make the task of real-life desensitization possible.
Much of the anxiety you have about driving is connected with your thoughts about the situations you might encounter now and in the future. Becoming desensitized first to anxious thoughts and scenes experienced in fantasy can pave the way toward handling the phobic situation in real life. Even the real-life situation continues to evoke some anxiety, this anxiety may be considerably reduced after having practiced imagery desensitization.
Practicing imagery desensitization before confronting a phobia in real-life also helps to overcome anticipatory anxiety. As the term implies, this is the anxiety you experience in anticipation of having to deal with the phobic situation. Hours or days before going for a drive, for example, you may experience numerous anxious thoughts and images about the upcoming situations you may incounter. Dwelling on these thoughts and images only creates more and more anxiety, long before you ever deal with the actual situation. By systematically training yourself to relax as you imagine scenes of a future driving experience, you can reduce your anticipatory anxiety substantially.

Success with imagery desensitization depends on four things:
1) Your capacity to attain a deep state of relaxation.
2) Constructing an appropriate hierarchy: a series of scenes or situations relating to your phobia which are ranked from mildly anxiety-provoking to very anxiety-provoking.
3) The vividness and detail with which you can visualize each scene in the hierarchy, as well as your peaceful scene
4) Your patience and perseverance in practicing desensitizationon a regular basis.

Constructing as Appropriate Hierarchy

A well-constructed hierarchy allows you to approach a phobic situaton gradually through a sequence of steps. You can use the following guidelines and sample hierarchy to develop your own:

1) Choose a particular phobic situation you want to work on, whether this involves going to the grocery store, driving on the freeway, or giving a talk before a group.

2) Imagine having to deal with this situation in a very limited way-one that hardly bothers you at all. You can create this scenario by imagining yourself somewhat removed in space or time from full exposure to the situation-such as parking in front of the grocery store without going in, or imagining your feelings one month before you have to give a presentation. Or you can diminish the difficulty of the situation by visualizing yourself with a supportive person at your side. Try in these ways to create a very mild instance of your phobia and dsignate it as the firs step in your hierarchy.

3) Now imagine what would be the strongest or most challenging scene relating to your phobia, and place it at the opposite extreme as the highest step in your hiearchy. For example, if you're phobic about grocery stores, your highest step might be waiting in a long line at the checkout counter by yourself. For flying, such a step might involve taking off on a transcontinental flight, or encountering severe air turbulence midflight. For public speaking, you might imagine either presenting to a large crowd, giving a long presentation, or speaking on a very demanding topic. See if you can identify what specific parameters of your phobia make you more or less anxious and use them to develop scenes of varying intensity. The scenes in the example below become progressively more challenging in terms of three distinct parameters: 1) distance driven 2) degree of traffic congestion, and 3) driving alone. 4) Now take some time to imagine six or more scenes of graduated intensity related to your phobia and rank them according to their anxiety-provoking potential. It is desirable to have these scenes correspond to things you will actually do later in real-life exposure. Place your scenes in ascending order between the two extremes you've already defined. Use the sample hierarchy below to assist you. Then write down your own list of scenes.

Here is a sample Hierarchy for you:

Phobia About Driving on Freeways

1. Watching from a distance as cars drive past on on the freeway.

2. Riding in a car on the freeway with someone else driving (this could be broken down into several steps, varying the distance traveled or time spent on the freeway)

3. Driving on the freeway the distance of one exit with a friend sitting next to you at the a time when there is little traffic

4. Driving the distance of one exit with a friend when the freeway is busier (but not at rush hour)

5. Repeat step 3 alone.

6. Repeat step 4 alone.

7. Driving the distance of two exits with a friend sitting next to you at a time when there is little traffic.

8. Driving the distance of two exits with a friend sitting next to you at a time when there is moderate traffic.

9. Repeat step 7 alone.

10. Repeat step 8 alone.

In the steps above this level you would increase the distance you drive and also include driving during rush-hour conditions.

This is just a sample you would have to make up your own to relate to your personal situation.

How to practice Imagery Desensitization
Desensitization through imagery is a two-step process. First, you need to take the time to get very relaxed. Second, you go through the desensitization process itself, which involves alternating back and forth between visualizing a particular step in your hierarchy and recapturing your feelings of deep relaxation. Be sure to follow all of the steps outlined below.
1) Relax. Spend 10-15 minutes getting relaxed. Use progressive muscle relaxation or any other relaxation technique tht works well for you.

2) Visualize yourself in a peaceful scene.. This is a relaxing place you can vividly picture in your mind. It can be a scen outdoors (such as a beach, a meadow, or the mounttains), indoors (curling up by a fireplace), or can come completely from your imagination. Above all it is a place where you feel safe. Spend about one minute there.

3) Visualize yourself in the first scene of your phobia hierarchy. Stay there for 30 seconds to 1 minute, trying to picture everything with as much vividness and detail as possible, as if you were "right there." Do not picture yourself as being anxious. If you see yourself in the scene at all, imagine yourself acting and feeling calm and confident-dealing with the situation in the way you would most like to. If you feel little or no anxiety (below level 2 on the anxiety scale), proceed to the next scene up in your hierarchy.

4) If you experience mild to moderate anxiety (level 2 or 3 on the Anxiety scale), spend 30 seconds to 1 minute in the scene, allowing yourself to relax to it. You can do this by breathing away any anxious sensations in your body or by repeatina a calming affirmation such as, "I am cam and at ease." Picture yourself handling the situation in a calm and confident manner.

5) After up to a minute of exposure, retreat from the phobic scene to your peaceful scene. Spend about 1 minute in your peaceful scen or long enough to get fully relaxed. Then repeat your visualization of the same phobic sen as in Step 4 for 30 seconds to 1 minute. Keep altenating between a given phobic scene and your peaceful scene (about 1 minute each) until the phobic scene loses its capacity to elicit any (or more than very mild) anxiety. Then your are ready to proceed to the next step up in your hierarchy.

6) If visualizing a particular scene causes you strong anxiety (Level 4 or above on the Anxiety Scale), do not spend more than 10 seconds there. Retreat immediately to your peaceful scene and stay there until you're fully relaxed. Expose yourself gradually to the more difficult scenes, alternating short intervals of exposure with retreat to your peaceful scenes. If a particular scene in your hierarchy continues to cause difficulty, you probably need to add another step-one that is intermediate in difficulty between the last step you completed successfully and the one that is troublesome.

7) Continue progressing up your hierarchy step by step in imagination. Generally it will take a minimum of two exposures to scene to reduce your anxiety to it. Keep in mind that it's important not proceed to a more advance step until you're fully comfortable with the preceeding step. Practice imagery desensitizaton for 15-20 minutes each day and begin your practice not with a new step but with the last step you successfully negotiated. (Then proceed to a new step.)

Instructions: Start with a relatively easy or mild instance of facing your phobia. Develop at least eight steps which involve progressively more challenging exposures. The final step should be your goal or even a step beyond what you've designated as your goal.

Hierarchy for Driving


Step Scene
1. ________________________________________

2. ________________________________________

etc. etc.

Anyways I hope I was of some help to you. I use to be terrified of driving and taught myself to drive at age 34 I am now 38 years old. I now drive all over the place. I bought myself a brand new car off the lot in 2004 and I want to buy myself another brand new car. It was the best feeling in the world. Carolyn Dickman tape Driving with Comfort really helped me alot! She does'nt know it but it did. Good Luck to you. I hope I didn't make too many typing mistakes as my 15 month old was jumping around me and on my back as I was typing to you. Keep in touch and you can send a message if you have any questions. I recommend the Stress Centers Program Combatting Stress and Depression Program 100%. It totally changed my life and it will change yours as well if you invest in the program.

Your new friend,
Dee

I know how you feel,been there for years.
I agree with the person who posted before me.
(face your fears)thats the only way to get over it. I have missed out on so much by not facing mine in alot of ways.I have many regrets that I didnt nip that in the butt a long time ago.
I know how hard it is to make those (what ifs) shut up and go away. If you ever plan on having a real life your going to have to make yourself keep doing what you always have done,regardless of the uneasy feelings. The reality of it all is that nomatter how it makes you feel you will get through it,and feel better and stronger for going ahead and doing what you got to do.
As far as meds. go,you do whats right for you.
I dont care what the program says,if you need meds.then take them. Most of us have or are taking meds. It doesnt make you any less of a person. Take care sweetie and good luck.

Thank you for all that great info on driving phobias Dee. That is my greatest fear right now. I also live about 50 miles from the nearest town in a rural desert community. I 'm OK driving in town but it's getting there that has me stranded.....so that is my next big challenge. The program has already helped with the other symptoms of anxiety etc., I'm on session 10.
I have never driven freeways and it's been 27 years since I've driven on lesser traffic highways which I hope to do. To drive the Busy San Diego or LA freeways is not an aspiration of mine.
I will check back to this forum to see how you all are doing and will post when I venture out there.

Thanks and good luck to all you future drivers! I know we can do it!!!!

Love,

Barbara U. Cherish

Hi mountain girl,
I love your user name! I wish I lived in a small town in the mountains. I live between Washington D.C. and Baltimore, and traffic and drivers can be horrible around here, so I have had difficulties with this too. I agree that you have to do it, because if you avoid it you will become more scared. The important thing is starting out by taking baby steps. I would not go out during rush hour around here, for example, but driving around town mid-day is okay. I also took medication a couple of years ago and I felt like it helped me get over a lot of the initial anxiety about driving. Good luck!

Goodmorning Mountain Girl,

I was thinking about you last night and I was talking to my fiance about you and I recall it like it was yesterday, my fear of driving, that is. I am so calm now and I drive all over the place with peace and comfort. Alot of it had to do with prayer and positive self talk. I would like to send you a prayer, I hope that it is okay with you. We are just here to be your friend and to hopefully be of some assitance to you. So here goes:

This prayer is called Free Me From Ungodly Fear.

Lord, You are our light and our salvation. You are the the strength of our life. Of whom, then, shall we be afraid? We will be strong and of good courage, for I know that You are with Mountain Girl wherever she goes (Joshua 1:9). Free Mountain Girl from ungodly fear, for we both know fear is never of You.
Guard, her heart and mind from the spirit of fear. What she is afraid of today is driving. Take that fear and replace it with your perfect love. If she has any thoughts in her mind that are fueled by fear, reveal them to her. If she has gotten her mind off of You and on her circumstances, help her to reverse that process so that her mind is off her circumstances and on You. Show her where she allows fear to take root and help her to put a stop to it. Take away any fear of rejection and all fear of man from within her and replace it with the fear of the Lord.
Your Word says that You will put fear in the hearts of Your people and You will not turn away from doing them good (Jeremiah 32:40). I pray that You would do that for Mountain Girl. I know that You have not given her a spirit of fear, so she rejects that and instead claims the power of love and a sound mind You have for her. "Oh, how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear You" (Psalm 31:19). Because she has received a kingdom that cannot be shaken, may she have grace by which to serve You acceptably with reverence and godly fear all the days of her life (Hebrews 12:28).
Thank You that "the fear of the Lord leads to life, and he who has it will abide in satisfaction; he will not be visited with evil" (Proverbs 19:23). Help Mountain Girl to grow in fear and reverence of You so that she may please You and escape the plans of evil for her life. Thank You that those who fear You will never lack any good thing.

~God's Promises To Mountain Girl ~

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Teach me Your way, O Lord; I will walk in Your truth; unite my heart to fear Your name. Psalm 86:11

Then they wll call on me, but I will not answer; they will seek me diligently, but they will not find me. Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord. Proverbs 1:28,29

Yes, if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding, if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God. Proverbs 2:3-5

I don't know why God put it in my heart to pray for you, but he did. I don't mean any offense in any way. I totally hope you can overcome your fear of driving. I found one more hierarchy for driving so here it is below:

Driving Alone

When you practice driving alone, first have your partner follow you in another car as you go through the steps. When you feel comfortable, have your partner drive ahead of you in another car. When you're comfortable with this, then practice by yourself.

1. Sit in the car for one to five minutes alone.

2. Drive one block making smooth stops and starts.

3. Drive in a residential are making right turns.

4. Drive in a residential are making left turns.

5. Drive in the right lane of a minor arterial.

6. Drive on a minor arterial making left turns at a stop sign or traffic light.

7. Drive on a major arterial in the right lane.

8. Drive on a major arterial, changing lanes and making left and U-turns.

9. Drive on the freeway in the right lane for one or two exits.

10. Drive on the freeway, changing lanes and passing cars for two to five exits.

It's all about taking baby steps. And reaching for the goal you want. Good Luck! Keep in Touch!


Your Friend, Dee

Thank you all so much for sharing. It's good to know you're not alone when facing difficulty in life. Thank you so much Dee(DPantoja) for the prayer. I too pray. I am going to drive by myself tomorrow on a practice run. I have to be able to drive alone on monday because I have to take my dog to the groomer to get her outragous hair trimmed. I found a stick in there. I figure it's time for her first cut. My destination is about 8 miles away on a little side road off the highway. I scared, but trying to be strong and not get too much anticipating anxiety about it. I appreciate all of you replying. Thank you. I am still in session 1. So I am praying and believing I can get back my power over anxiety, as well as my life for myself, my son, and my family. I was thinking about before my anxiety got bad, and trying to remember when I actually became an anxious person. I drank alot when I was younger, and I think it was help those feelings. It is hard to realize that I have had this problem for a long time and how I let it get so out of control. And it's hard to think that I let something control my life so much. I want to go to hawaii next year and now I can't even fathem it. Actually the thought being that far awway from home scares me. Well good luck to you all. keep me posted on progress on this issue and any tips that helped please feel free to share.I know we all can overcome this.

Hi Mountain girl! Driving is also scary for me, but mostly just the freeways. I had a major panic attack in Feb after dropping hubby off at the airport 70 miles from our house (he drove the whole way there) and I thought I was going to crash into someone, my whole body was shaking. But you know what? I got over 2 lanes of traffic and onto an exit ramp and found a different way home on the little roads!

A couple of weeks ago, I had a thought while I was driving that people with anxiety are probably the best drivers out there! We watch for everything and the fact that we can drive while distracted by our anxiety, proves were are fantastic drivers!

Today my 7 year old son fell and chipped his tooth. I had to drive 28 miles to the dentist. I did pretty good, had some anxiety for the last part of it while we were driving there (the way home was a breeze). Although I wasn't on a highway, but on a two lane road 55 mph and semis and also amish buggies (have to make sure you go up hills slowly around here because a horse and buggy could be on the other side).

And at first I felt ashamed that I had anxiety, after all I am on week 8! But then I thought, wow, this is why I have anxiety!!! I relaxed, told myself it was JUST anxiety and during my son's appointment, I didn't have a single thought that I would have a panic attack and die.

Remember, baby steps are KEY! I have some really really good days and some not so good days, but the good days keep me going and believing in this program!!!

Ocean