Stress Center Peer Support

Hubby and I are working on our marriage right now. After going through so much stress last year, our marriage got strained. We went to a marriage conference together and it helped a lot. But one thing we realized is we don't do enough for fun together. We were talking about what we can do together for fun and it's been so long. . .we don't even know where to start.

Before my daughter came we used to travel a lot since I worked for American Airlines.

Can some of you share things you and yours do together to give us ideas? Thanks!

Me and my husband love to read. We sit and just read together.
I went through a liver transplant in 2005, we were together for 3 months with very little break from each other. But that made me love him just that more. If you can be together for that long and not beat each other up (lol) your marriage is great. But to me if you can just sit in a room and be with each other sometimes that is good to.

We enjoy an occasional eating out. Gives you a break from the kitchen too.
We also watch news programs together and discuss them. Movies too, though that's harder b/c we have different tastes, but we alternate the types of movies.
We also go visiting family together a lot.

FAITH, I so know what you mean. During the past 3 1/2 yrs, while I was RECOVERING FR ANXIETY DISORDER, things for hubby & I were way tough: stress/pressure/some fin'l problems - LOTS OF THINGS. I had to remind myself, it WASN'T only me going thru this journey - for he was effected as well.

Having recovered & just getting back into WORKING USA again, I am coming alive again - so we have many more options. It almost feels like I've been born again - so even the most mundane things - seem WAY COOL to experience - esp w/o anxiety disorder on my tail, lol lol I'd like to show you some of the things WE DO, just for some ideas:

1) Go to the movies - yep, we go - we look thru what we want to see, the date & time - then we have a date - popcorn & all.

2) We rent a movie @ BLOCKBUSTER: no chores, bills, NOTHING discussed - other than sitting on the couch - maybe a little cuddling & relaxing & just watching a movie we both enjoy.

3) We go to this 1 local park for walks quite often - for exercise sure. Moreso, its like a bonding thing b/w us. It reminds us, as we talk, that we're also BEST FRIENDS still - in spite of life's stresses. Heck, MANY TIMES - we've picked a shady spot under a tree & just plop a squat We've had picnicks in the park too - a little blanket, some grub - nothing fancy & just be in the moment.

4) We have dates. This can be & has such a variety of things - far too many to mention here. Like last nite: I worked SAT - fr 2pm - 10:15pm. Hubby came & picked me up. We were both STARVING MARVIN, lol(city phrase) - we went to this popular DINER near by & ordered what we wanted - ate, talked, laughed, & had a nice time. We've gone out for a ****TAIL @ a local place - he'd have a drink drink, lol & I'd have a water w/ lemon or a sprite - for a real treat, lol - just that we're together is what's important. Then, we may order some wings or something & just being in an atmosphere w/ people having fun works on you too. If there's a local carnival or fair in twn, we go. If we're feeling really brave & I mean REALLY BRAVE - maybe we'd go on 1 RIDE, lol - just for fun - get a corn dog(gosh I love them) & laugh - be kids again. We go play miniture golf(he sometimes lets me win). We could go to a pro sporting event: baseball, etc. Heck, we're going to a MINOR LEAGUE baseball game on WEDNES in Monclair NJ. Know why? Having recovered, I told him - I want to do ALL THOSE THINGS I've mentioned thru the years & never did - I want to get to LIVING. We've gone to a zoo, water aquarium, water park, etc.

5) LOL, we've taken our SHIH POO puppy for walks around the neighborhood. Now that its summer - many neighbors have their SPRINKLERS on to water their lawns. You know what we do? Now remember, I'm gonna be 40 in Aug & hubby is gonna be 39 in Sept - <span class="ev_code_RED">WE RUN THRU THE SPRINKLERS SEVERAL TIMES</span> & laugh like kids again. This is VERY IMPORTANT, because sometimes folks take the world so seriously & get caught up in responsiblities, they forget to ENJOY LIFE & find themselves not knowing how.

6) For no special occasion, just BECAUSE to be honest, we've booked a nite @ this nice HOTEL on several occassions. It wasn't expensive @ all. It had an indoor/outdoor pool, a sauna(omg FAITH, that is the bomb - way relaxing), a gym, beautiful grounds, few different restaurants inside & nice ****tail lounges - just us being a couple.

7) We've gone to ATLANTIC CITY & stayed in nice place there. It's not so much for the gambling - but there are so many things to do there. They have COMEDY CLUBS & boy is laughing GOOD MEDICINE & lounge lizards: lol, actually - these are singers who perform famous artists songs in very nice settings - way nice. They have nice eateries(sp its early & I'm tired) - many things to do. They also have indoor pools - so in the middle of winter - a nice warm pool is really nice. If we shop around - we get really good deals.

8) We make plans w/ other couples & friends. Things are different now then when we were all in our 20's. Now, everyone has responsibilities: jobs, spouses, children, homes, jobs, etc - so we get caught up w/ our lives - understandable. Getting together w/ friends for FUN - reminds us as well that we NEED TIME TO US AS A COUPLE for fun.

9) This is gonna sound silly, we have a sofa bed in the living room - its a couch thats a sofa bed thingy. We've had a sleep out in our living room: movies, popcorn, funfood, jammies - just chilling & laughing & being a couple.

10) <span class="ev_code_RED">This 1 is sappy - lol, but important to me & us:</span> 9/11 was horrible. I had physically been there that day. I used to work there - but no longer did on that day. However, I had several close friends who DID WORK THERE. I not only got afraid & panicked about THEM - I feared not seeing my hubby & stuff - b/4 I was able to get out of downtown Manhattan. In a QUICK FLASH - I realized sometimes we all take things for granted. We ASSUME they will always be there & life comes & shows us otherwise - unexpected things do happen. So, after 9/11 & to this very day - whenever we part company for what ever the reason(work, the corner store - ANYTHING), WE SAY I LOVE YOU. Now, we're an affectionate pair - well, most of the time, lol. So, saying I LUV YOU is nothing RARE. Its just now, we take the time to make sure we say it when we part company + when we wake up + when we go to sleep. Saying it DAILY reinforces our committment to eachother - we both want to hear it & need to as well. After 9/11, I assume nothing & take nothing for granted.

10) We go to the beach - get all we need & lay out in the sun & have fun.

11) We go to a vacation spot, favorite place in our homestate, or whereever & we take pictures of us separately & have a stranger take pics of us as a couple.We want the memories. We make silly poses & funny faces - just to GOOF OFF.

12) Every yr on our WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, we watch our WEDDING VIDEO. OK, I'll be honest, lol lol - HE DOES IT BY FORCE - lol - me, hahahahahha :p Our wedding video is 2 1/2 hrs long. We order out & sit & watch it on our anniversary date. It is a summary of the church ceremony & reception we had afterwards w/ family & friends. It reminds us of how BLESSED we are to have eachother(many sadly have no one)+ family + friends. It reminds us of the committment we made to eachother THAT DAY - yrs ago. Life is not easy & it isn't fair, just as Lucinda says. Marriage takes work, as does any relationship(family members & friends) - it needs to be nurtured/taken care of - 1 day @ a time.

13) We go BOWLING OR PLAY POOL. Now FAITH, I don't do either very well @ all - that makes it funny - cause I can be competative & hubby has been playing both for yearsssssssss - I always think I can beat him - lol lol. We not only do things JUST FOR FUN - we COMPROMISE daily - by doing things of INTEREST of our respective spouse: he like pool, not me. He likes all sports, not me - but, I do it for him & have fun laughing at our silliness. He in turn may go shopping w/ me or see a sappy movie - for which I am OFFICALLY BANNED fr telling anyone he actually went, hahahahah.

14) ROLLERSKATING & ICESKATING. Now we both are no OLYMPIC CHAMPIONS - we fall often, lol - which is really funny. Trust me, the other is laughing at the other one when their tushy touches the ground, lol. So, we're both guilty.

<span class="ev_code_RED">Faith: when I was recovering fr anxiety disorder - I was home & out of necessity, had a lot of time to REFLECT on many things. About 2 1/2 yrs in, I had a REALIZATION that 1st I discussed w/ my therapist & then my hubby. I didn't know how to handle STRESS & didn't give myself the means to vent , nor have fun. I used to work in downtown nyc all my working life & up until anxiety triggered in Apr 2005. I used to commute fr NJ to NYC(1hr each way) - work 8hrs + in a stressfull/demanding environment + come home & clean/cook - so I was working 2 JOBS. I didn't have any means for releasing my pent up stress - didn't exercise + didn't have the healthy skillset needed to deal w/ stress + didn't go on vacations + didn't nurture us as a couple(both were guilty here). No wonder I came dwn w/ anxiety disorder. Now those things I've mentioned ARE NOT SOLELY responsible. However, life will include things beyond my control. What was I doing to help myself? What was I doing to take care of me? - I was fat + eating in excess & poorly + no exercising + no vacations. I forgot how to live, have fun, & be happy & greatful. That is why, having recovered, I feel like a child - a new chance at life + my marriage & ME - so, I'm like a sponge - ready to take it ALL IN. My marriage & hubby is my #3 priority. 1st is God, 2nd is me(if I'm not good/ok/cool - I'd be no use to them) & then my hubby/marriage. I realize how blessed we are - we both do. It isn't always picture perfect - we're not perfect - thank goodness we know that. But, our relationship/family - comes 1st - we take care of it - via any & all means possible. Life can & will happen - thats to be expected. Life is also fun.</span>

Regards, Your friend -

LENORE

we do a couple of things to keep our relationship strong:

1) we run/workout together. its great stress relief and filled with positive motivation. we push each other to be the best we can be

2) walking/playing with our dog. he has brought us so much joy and spending time with him reminds us to enjoy the simple things (like taking for a long walk together after work) we share our days and tell each other stories all while having QT with our pup =)

3) friday is date night. no matter what, we never make plans with other people for a friday night. we stay in, have some dinner and veg out on the couch. we watch movies or play videogames or whatever seems fun at the time. its a great way to wind down together after the week

Originally posted by Lenore:
I didn't know how to handle STRESS & didn't give myself the means to vent , nor have fun. I used to work in downtown nyc all my working life & up until anxiety triggered in Apr 2005. I used to commute fr NJ to NYC(1hr each way) - work 8hrs + in a stressfull/demanding environment + come home & clean/cook - so I was working 2 JOBS. I didn't have any means for releasing my pent up stress - didn't exercise + didn't have the healthy skillset needed to deal w/ stress + didn't go on vacations + didn't nurture us as a couple(both were guilty here). No wonder I came dwn w/ anxiety disorder. Regards, Your friend -

LENORE

I can relate. I work, plus kids, plus our (messy) home. We haven't had a vacation in about 5 years. Well, now I am back at my old corporate job and I have vacation time. My hubby only gets 2 weeks a year. I have 6 PTO a year. I'm loosening up and learning to have fun again and trying to get the most out of every day.

Thanks for the suggestions!