Stress Center Peer Support

Hi everyone,

I have come a long way since I first joined the site and did the program. For that I have a lot of things to be grateful for. But one thing still seems to plague me and I'm having a hard time applying my skills and learning how to overcome it.

I used to work for a company that managed based on fear. I was having panic attacks and general anxiety for about six months before I left and got another job doing what I really want to be doing - a technical writer for a software company. I've now been here for almost 2.5 years.

I receive good reviews and good comments from my peers/managers. Everyone says I do a really good job. I know I am an intelligent person. The problem is, when I make a mistake (as we all make mistakes!) I worry excessively that I am going to get fired for it. I think this is just overlap from my last job where any mistake could get you fired.

Logically I know that people make mistakes and that it's good to learn from mistakes. A few things have happened recently that have set off the "what if I get fired??" obsessive, fearful thoughts and I'm having a hard time shaking it. One, my company let go someone who I thought was doing a good job, but apparently not. Hearing a little more about it, she knew she was getting let go, was miserable, didn't really have an attitude of learning and didn't seem to grasp the technical knowledge or really have a desire to learn it. Ok, sounds like a reasonable and justified termination. But then I worry that if/when I make a mistake, it will be because I don't have enough "technical knowledge," and they will fire me because of it. My employer would essentially be like, you suck at your job, so you're fired.

Second, I think I am paranoid, but in my weekly department meetings, one time I was skipped over to give my update, and another time it was just an afterthought for my update. I start worrying that they're planning on replacing me and that's why my boss didn't ask for my update. Logically I know this is a little silly - sometimes, people just aren't asked for updates. I just feel like I look at everything under a microscope and see it as either reassurance that I will keep my job, or proof that I'm going to lose it.

I know people say - so what if you get fired, what's the big deal? It is a really big deal. We could afford our house and all that, but being rejected, being a failure, getting fired, etc. is a huge embarassment. In this economy, how would I find a job? I know I'm putting the cart before the horse here, but you know us anxious types, we tend to go for worst-case scenarios!

I guess I'm just asking for advice or something on how to deal with these what-if's.

I also wanted to add, I'm taking my comprehensive exams to graduate with my Masters degree in three weeks, so the stress of that has probably affected my overall positive and rational thinking.

I don't know if this will help, but it is just an exercise: Think of yourself as spending too much time looking in a mirror. Imagine you see yourself in front of a mirror all the time. The mirror is actually getting in the way of your being able to do your job, or even think rationally. What to do? Get rid of the mirror, maybe?
Sounds like you are really talking yourself into all this anxiety and worry. When you catch yourself walking in front of this mirror, ask yourself what it is you are trying to talk yourself into.
Good luck, and I hope you work this one through.

Pecos,

Thank you for that explanation. I have been searching for something like that. I have the same problem at work, and even though I am told not to worry I'm doing my job. It does not help, this may help me deal with session 3 and self talk a little better as it is not working for me yet, I think due to thought overload.

Wantmyoldself, you are in the right place, there are wonderful people here and I wish you all the best

I am no expert, but I had problem in this area and what I would say to myself "I can only do my best and don't worry about the rest". Hope this is some help. Just started the program yesterday but I know what your feeling.