Stress Center Peer Support

I would like to know if anyone has advice or has had similar experiences about dealing with my husband after I have an "episode."

Once in a while (less often, lately) I get these anxiety attacks or depressive episodes or something; I'm not sure what they are. Something sets me off, like fear or stress about work, and I get extremely emotional. I usually end up crying or even sobbing really hard and almost hyperventilating.

The hardest part, though, is not during it -- I'm getting better at stopping them -- but afterwards.

These always happen at home and often in front of my incredibly supportive husband. But although he wants to help, he just doesn't know what to do and he gets frustrated. I usually end up going off on my own to get it together.

Here's the problem: at some point I have to face him again. His preference, I think, would be for me to act like nothing has happened, or to ascertain that it's alright by just asking "Are we ok?" to which he will respond "yes."

But that doesn't work for me. As I know I need to face him again I get more and more ashamed and humiliated and afraid to face him. It's silly - he would never do anything to hurt me. I just can't handle the fact that I've screwed up again.

I also can't seem to accept that we're really ok until we've had some sort of conversation, often about what happened, that ends in us hugging or starting to make jokes. So if I try his "Are we ok?" "Yes" strategy, I still feel on edge.

Does this sound like anything you've experienced? He wants to know what he can do to help me and to convince me that we're ok. I want to know what to do to convince myself so I can spare him some of my hysterics.

Thanks a lot.

I think you need to start with, not feeling like you "screwed up" after having a panic attack. After you have one, let it go. Don't dwell on it and analyze it. You're just setting yourself up for the next one. Maybe you have too many expectations for how your husband should act. If he's trying to support you, let him. You can't control how other people react to situations. You can control how you react. Let the program help you in this area.

I understand exactly how you feel. I think everything in your letter to us you should tell him. Tell him everything you just told is that you feel ashamed and embarrassed about it and feel you need to talk about it after it happens. After you let him in on how you are feeling about the situation he may have some more information about you and your situation and then maybe he will think of some things to help you get through your episodes on his own.Remember that communication is the key to any relationship. Just hang in there and keep working with the program things will get better for you and your husband! : ) let us know how is goes!.

Hi Madison, when I started having panic issues I hid them from my husband. When they hit full I was not even sure what it was! He had to get involved then because I thought he would have to take me to the Psyc. ward. He was of great support during that time. That was also 9 yrs ago. Because of the type of people we are we don't want to burden others and also do not like to appear out of control in anyway and we are ashamed and guilt ridden! So I have hid my panic issues which have never totally gone away from my husband since that first incident. I remember the sheer fear in his eyes 9 yrs ago. & he helped me very much. Now that he knows of the problem he appears less conserned and admits he does not understand it..He's waiting for me, to fight my demons! But I do know if push comes to shove he has my back. Panic has reared its ugly head again. He was with me when it happened! He though I ate something bad. I know I had a panic attack and told him. I ordered this program and openly do my work with it. I share points of the program that I know are about me & he seems to agree and feels pleased that I am doing this. I think it is a huge burden on anyone that loves each other when the other is not well and its out of their hand to help. They feel helpless. Hang in there and take baby steps.