Stress Center Peer Support

I get this sudden spurt of "something" from an interaction with my boyfriend. I can't figure out what it is. But once it's triggered, the thoughts on what I'm upset about escalates into a kind of spiritual level, I start feeling that the actions he takes is because of lack of care or something, and I would say things to him that I don't really have to say. Then I am angry, negative, and depressed at the whole situation.
It was 2 months back that we had a pretty big fight. My boyfriend has bipolar and he said he was having an anxiety attack on that day, and was the reason for the things he had said and done. But I had also said things back that I shouldn't have, and I was depressed, I couldn't stop crying that I had to keep hiding in the bathroom so the kids don't find that I've been crying. Then I went into thinking whether it was worth keeping the relationship, that I wouldn't be in that relationship if I had never been divorced, was it the wrong decision to get divorced in the first place, was it my fault that I got divorced with me not being able to sustain a relationship ... all the bad things that I have put behind me started coming back, and I was a wreck. That's when I ran into this program, I didn't sign up for the full package, but I started the free mini-program that comes in eMail. By the time the 3rd mailing arrived, I was already back to my normal self, and so had put it aside to happily get going with my daily routines.
Then it happened again yesterday, after 2 months of nothing ... one eMail from my boyfriend, and I fell into the same looping situation. So I opened up the mini-program that I had put aside. Mine is nothing like the panic attacks that are referenced, but at least I can relate to the obsessing part, though maybe it's the past that I obsess about rather than future "what if"s,
It would be nice if I could discuss this with my boyfriend, but he said that it's my problem that I react to his words in a paranoid way, that I'm out of control, and he can't do anything about it. I wanted his help to keep it under control, but it made me angry that he did not express any concern or understanding. And I guess, he has his own problems with bipolar, and he probably doesn't want to deal with a girlfriend who he has to watch out for so his own actions don't trigger these spurts. So I figured, if I'm going to keep this relationship going, I'm going to have to deal with it myself.
I just want to avoid the spurts, because one of these days it might break the relationship .... but how do I do that, it heals pretty easily, just several days, and I would forget about it, then after a few months, there it comes ... bang.

Hi. Does your boyfriend take mess for bipolar? If not , he need to to control his ups and downs. Are you doing the WHOLE program? Reading Lucinda's books and doing "pieces" of the program is not enough. Doing this program will help you. It seems like your anger and your obsessive thoughts are colliding. The program will help you with that.

Hi Sunshine. I wanted to ask you what you meant by "spurts"?

deedee00, thanks for your reply.
My boyfriend has been prescribed with some medication ... but he's stopped taking them. He's saying that he needs to get back into it, but just hasn't happened yet. I'm not doing the WHOLE program, just tried the mini-program, and not sure if I would be able to continue with the program because I would forget once I feel fine.
So maybe that's what I need ? Not to forget and get into the program ?

jasminemody,
My obsessive thoughts seem only to be triggered on occasion from a conversation or eMail with my boyfriend. At least up to now. And it's not every conversation, it's not like we never fought over the past 2 months, but it just so happened that this one eMail made me go down.
Right now, I think I've gotten over being depressed, and my obsessive thinking has also ceased somewhat, but I still can't get myself to call my boyfriend, maybe I'm still angry.

Hello Sunshine. I think you should try to convince your guy to start taking his medicine because that may be the problem. You are probably so angry by his mood swings and because you don't have the whole program or because you haven't gotten to that part of the program, you haven't learned how to deal with the anger you feel. When you get upset, try to hold off on arguing. Go into a different room, listen to the relaxation if have something like it, or listen to some music, write in your journal, clean your closets, or anything that will distract you from the problem. Come back to the issue later when you've put things into perspective. That way you wont blow things out of proportion. That way you'll save yourself from a lot of stress.

You obviously care about his needs. He should beconcerned about your well-being as well. A good relationship is where both people help each other with whatever they may need.

It sounds like you're in my place about a month and a half ago. One difference - you're still with your man. Mine didn't hang around, and I wish I would've started this earlie, b/c then I would still have him. Wow - look at me - thinking about the past.

BUT, that said - he's the one who made me realize that I REALLY needed something like this program. Oddly enough, I started doing something a little similar on my own - and still was with him then, and then I slipped. He wasnt understanding enough to give me another chance, but I believe that he has his own (communication) issues that he has to work out too.

I know nothing about you, but maybe that's why you're not a good fit for him because he won't understand you b/c he's working on his own thing?

Ahh, just trying to relate - if you want to talk more about it- PM me.

Good luck, and stick with the program. It really helps. That's coming from a skeptic!

Thanks for all your comments. You all say to stick to the program, but the thing is, I haven't really started the program. I haven't been able to make that step, because it is going to be a big investment, and I've never recognized myself as having a disorder. I'm already feeling so much better, just by writing in this forum and getting your feedback. Do you think the program is really going to help me ?

Deedee - I'll have to work on getting him back on his medication. He keeps mentioning it himself, so I've never really pushed him. But now that I think it's affecting me, I would have to tell him so he doesn't keep pushing it out, but I don't want him to become defensive about it. About the approach you mention on how to deal with our day to day interaction, I've actually been doing that since the incident 2 months back, but I just couldn't control it this time. I've made myself numb to his actions, in a way I've forced myself not to care too much so I don't get baffled, and I thought I was handling it pretty well until yesterday. I just went over the edge, and then a chain reaction ....

kyrissian - I'm sorry to hear that you aren't with your guy anymore. And that's what scares me, a slip that might drive him away, because most of the time we're great together, and I do want to be with him. I would like to think that what you say about me not being a good fit for him is not true, but it is also one of those thoughts that I start obsessing about.

I think I'm passed my anger now, just still scared to call him and start talking ... because if he reacts and becomes defensive, I might start again ...