Stress Center Peer Support

Morning everyone, I feel like I write about intrusive thoughts enough and I should already have the answers. I just feel better when I can get it out and get your feedback to calm myself. I know a lot of women during sex are thinking about a hundred things they need to do or about their day, etc. and don't always necessarily have their mind focused on their partner while in the middle of it. This bothers me because I feel bad however I know I am not alone. They are such random thoughts that cross my mind. Last night I thought of a high school kid that lives in our neighborhood that I had just met earlier in the night at a basketball game. My thought was completely harmless, I just thought he seems like a nice kid. I had the thought and I let it go. Then a bit later I came back and started second guessing myself, "why did I think of him at this moment?" what the heck?!! And have since felt bad. I didn't even think of him in a sexual way!! I've told myself that over and over. This morning I woke up feeling bad about it still, I tell myself, you think of groceries or cleaning you have to do to or work stuff, its no different you just met the kid and that was that.

As much as I know these random thoughts come in without our notice you think I could just leave it at that already and not try to understand why I had it. Our whole life we will have these weird things that come into our head without our control and we can't try to understand everyone of them. I just hate the guilt that comes with it all too. I feel guilty I wasn't totally in the mind set with my husband. Had to get this out, I'm tired of these thoughts.

I understand. I started off with my girl 120% into the sex and as my anxiety worsened I started to look at sex as a chore because my mind was so busy with all it's negative thoughts I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get aroused, stay that way, or shut my head off long enough to just enjoy it.

After two weeks into the program (and this isn't something I learned in the program LOL!)I've decided that if I don't feel that into it, I just tell myself to get further into it, more intense with it, relax and enjoy it, and also, change the positions, make the foreplay a little different so your mind can't wander. REally focus on what your doing for your partner. WORK at it. Does that make sense?
My time with my girl has been a lot more intense in the last couple of weeks leaving my mind no time to get in the way and that's a good thing.

Did that help?

thanks DonS,

that did help, I will try that to keep my mind from wandering. I too just know my thought was completely harmless...i just feel bad about it!

That's just the way we're wired, Pixie. We have a low self-esteem and low self-image so we're gonna find things to feel bad about. The trick is too let it go and stop obsessing that we did that thing or thought that thought.
It's not easy as we're trying to break free of years of bad habits.

One day at a time. One lesson at a time. One revelation at a time.
Keeping a journal has really helped too, of your successes and set-backs.

Good luck to you. Keep movin' forward.

I guess one last thing on this issue is that mainly because I thought of this kid I felt perverted regardless of the fact that it wasn't a perverted thought, you know? I just felt wrong even though I didn't really *try* to think of it.

and i completely agree/understand with what you said above too, thank you

Pixie this sounds normal with a partner that we've been with intimatly for sometime. Our partner can easily get on our nerves sometimes, and the mere thought of someone else pleasuring us in any way can leave us with guilty feelings.
Next time instead of feeling guilty about your mind wandering... take the initative and change sexual positions. This could change your thoughts too.