Stress Center Peer Support

Hi all,
My name is Lisa and I have suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember.
This is a story and a very big THANK YOU to everyone who went into making this program and for having it help me SO!
I am recently going through things in my life that I never would of thought I could handle.
My grandfather is severely ill and in the hospital. I am extrememly close with him and my whole family, and this is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure.
I also have had others stressors going on right now in my life( when it rains it ours)
Had to put 2300.oo into my car recently
I just found out I may not be able to take my summer classes at the University I was accepted to because I need to renew my application AGAIN!
I have also decided about a week ago before this all happened (or got worse or more intense) that I wanted to lower My already low dose of Lexapro 10mg to 5mg.
I am doing it all!
I have been on the 5mg for about a week, at first I felt a bit strange( like the first day) but that could have been due to my car stalling and having to be towed only being 3 days out of the shop for new brakes!!!
Well I did what needed to be done and moved on. I even began jogging!
Something I NEVER EVER could have done. (I have recently lost 23 lbs with the help of Weight Watchers, another positive program)
ANyways, all of these things are happening and I must also note that my biggest symptoms were OST's (obsessive Scary Thoughts)
I immediately (whenever I have a stressor pop up) freak myself out about thoughts of me huirting myself. Now I must also add that I was never suicidal but I was terrified of teh thought.
SO much to where I would poanic for days!!!!!!
Well with all of these stressors popping up right after one another, I have to say that yes the thoughts did as well.
Went a little something like this, ":oh no, what if I can't handle this? what if I kill myself?'
Again, never suicidal nor have I ever attemped anything of this sorts.
But,,, I realized and when I say realized I mean REALLY GOT IT, that this is my distraction!!!!!
This is my defense mechanism, scary thoughts. For some people it may be drinking, smoking, or eating but for me it is Obsessive Thinking!
Now I am someone who has listened to lesson 10 to the point that I know it by heart, however I really think I just GOT IT!
Yesterday I received the news that my grandpa's already weak heart had stopped and they had to resesitate him. He is in the ICU, stable, but he has an infection somewhere they just need to find oiut where so hopefully they can treat it. Now he is four-five hours from my house and its not very easy for us to jump in the car and head down there. However, I am going this weekend with my parents.
So, I received the news when I was heading to a Tiger game with my wonderful boyfriend downtown and we had just checked into out hotel room. I cried, I got scared, i cried and let it all out.
I sat and talked weith my boyfriend and he expressed to me how no one he knows is as strong as me and I just don't allow mysefl to be, and how I use these thoughts sometimes to distract myself and hold me back from being as strong as I really am. He continued to tel lme how he knows NO ONE who knows themselves as much as I do. He told me that I have done so much work on mysefl through this program that I am a completely different person and that he knows I am the one that is the strongest one in the family when it comes to my grandpa. And you know what somehow he is right!
I am and have been bery strong and it really got me thinking about myself and life in general.
Life is short and it is worth being lived and not worried. Especially about some imaginable horrific thing that coudl happen.
Bad things happen in life and we all go through it. It is how well we cope with these things and what we take from them that make us stronger and able to cope.
I believe that I received all of the skills that have made me do and realize this through this program!!
I cannot imagine how I could and would have handled all of these things 2 years ago.
I don't know at all!
But I do know that I am RECOVERING if not already have!
This is the orad and I am staying on it.. I know mysefl , I love myself, and I need to take care of myself in times like this as well as take care and be there for my loved ones.
Prayer is a huge part of my life now and I know that someone is wathcing over us.
I am going to end my story on this little note.
Yesterday around 3:30, I was on the treadmill JOGGING, using positive self talk to go further and further, and I realized that I am emotinally the strongest I have ever been in my life! Then all this happened a few hours later. DO you know that it was around 3:30ish when My grandfather stopped breathing!
I can't help but think that he was the one that is making me realize this and that GOD is here watching over us and only deals us what we can handle. Possibly I had to go through all this, and become as strong as I am now, to deal with this situiation now. WHo knows? But that is what I would like to believe!
TO everyone who is wondering if this program will work!
ABSOLUTELY YES!!!!
Keep practicing and take life each step at a time!
Thank you all,
Lisa!!

Wow, that is an amazing story. You have just given hope in life you wouldn't believe. I just started lexapro... again. I was off of it for about a year and then my anxiety starting raring its ugly head again. So I got this program and went back on the meds to help me until I get through the program. Thank you so much for sharing that story. I hope that the program is as successful for me as it has been for you. Please pray for me.

Becca

wow!

Hi, Lisa. I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. I hope they can find that infection and treat it successfully.

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm on week 2 of the program and feel better already. Obsessive scary thoughts about my health is one of my big things. Your story gives me a lot of hope that the rest of the program will help me even more.

BTW, if you were talking about baseball when you said "Tigers game", then... GO TIGERS! (I live just south of Detroit).

Take care & God bless.

Thank you all!
Becca, I will pray for you.
You sound just like me when I started the program. Exactly!
I was off Lexapro for a year then went back on, and got the program. I remember going back on it when I started Lesson 3.
Well there is hope and hopefully your story can be like mine if not better!
You will be just fine, I have NO DOUBT!!!
Another thing I've noticed is, people who do this much work on themselves can't help but be successfuL!
NBGuy- yes it was teh Detroit Tigers game! GO TIGERS!!!!!! How great of a game it was too!
I am in Metro Detroit area, Ferndale..
Hope you all have a great day !'
thanks for your replies

Dear LD26ANGELL,

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^5 - I was literally exicited/happy/joyed reading your posting - saying honestly to myself - YOU GO GIRL. I too am recovered & when I hear another success story - of someone gaining freedom fr anxiety disorder - I get elated & almost cry tears of joy - cause I too know what it was like. I am so happy for you.

I tell ya, I TOO JOINED WEIGHT WATCHERS - the end of JUne-2007. I currently have lost 61 lbs -I'm 14lbs away fr goal of 75lbs - trust you me - the world will hear me the day I make lifetime/goal - heck, we'll need to have a party. You know LD, I told my husband last night, "hun, I feel like this: my mind was always strong - I know I'm very smart - I also know, my mind was the stronger of the 2, b/w emotional & mental self. EXcept now, what is changing is - I am gaining control of my emotional self - so that my mind & emotions are MELDING together for the 1st time in my life. So that, they are becoming ONE=1 - helping me to be the woman I was always meant to me - w/ a purpose in life, knowing the purpose of my life. I feel like, for the 1st time in my life, I KNOW(kind of still learning ) what my purpose in life is. I am learning to TRULY LOVE MYSELF & TRUST MYSELF - which I don't know I ever have". Ain't that great - it humbles me.

Be proud of yourself LD - celebrate cause you are doing it - the world is yours sweetie - I am sincerely happy for ya - YOU ARE DOING IT.

LENORE

Lisa...WOW!!! I teared up reading your post..YOU ARE SO STRONG and CAPABLE, SMART and BEAUTIFUL!!! I BELIEVE what Lucinda says about the characteristics of an "anxious" person. To quote a couple of them: Loving, strong, kind hearted, creative, etc. etc. etc. I too am getting stronger and more creative everyday and I give all the glory to God and this program. I seriously don't know how I could do it without the two hand in hand. I am inspired by your posts(I've read alot of them) and to hear this triumph story just melts my heart! We've had it in us all along didn't we?? , we just needed to SEE IT and BELIEVE IT and put it into PRACTICE. AND YOU'VE done just that! Your Grandpa is very PROUD of you Lisa your boyfriend is PROUD of you and I am PROUD of you!!! Hang in there Lady! Keep moving forward, use that positive self talk, enjoy the beautiness around you. Never take a moment for granted..Congratulations my friend...You've got it ALL!!!
always remember, "If God can bring you to it, he will bring you through it".
God bless and Take care

I'm so proud of you, too. OST is my biggest symptom also.

Thanks for the hope.

Amber

So I got back from being in Northern Michigan visiting my grandfather in the hospital on Sunday night.
It was an extremely difficult time and it still is.
We as a family, had to make the desicion to put him on dialysis or not. We decided it would be the best, we did ask him and since he can't speak because he is on a respirator, he did shake his head yes he wanted it and yes he would still want all the bells and whistles, if god for bid he needed to be resesitated again.
This was a comfort knwing that this is what he wanted.
So he has been doing the dialysis and has been doing well but it is still a very slow process.
It's extremely difficult and being that he is 84, has congestive heart failure, diabetes, and only one kidney, it is a very slooooww process but we are all being positive.
However, my good old friend OST's came back. I did get sidetracked and feel back into some old habits, such as (which was my biggest one) telling my boyfriend and mother and look for reassurance.
Well I put an end to this and realized that I no longer need to do this and really REALLY have to look at how far I've come. I have also given myself permission for feeling a bit of my old BAH HABITS because they always appeared during stressful times and this was by far and has been the most stressful.
So with all that being said I am feeling pretty goog now. I do realize thought that I NEED my alone time, my yoga and my workout time. I can't wait to go to the gym in an hour, that is MY TIME!
Also my boyfriend and I are heading to Philly this weekend to visit his sister and her sons and celebrate his nephews 5th birthday and my boyfriend will be partaking in his 2nd marathon.
I was a bit nervous to go away, with my grandfather in the hospital but I know that he would insist that I go and I am still heading up there next weekned. ANd god for bid if need be, I will fly directy there.
So that is my update for anyopne that is interested and to also let people know that Yes there are times that those old bad habits will creep back in and try to "get you". Thaat is when these skills really come in to play!
Thanks again Stress Center for this program!
Lisa