Stress Center Peer Support

I was just hoping someone could give me some advice on how to handle this...When I was really struggling with my anxiety I talked to my Mom and my sister about it. I have always been very private about my struggles with anxiety but I have tried to be more open about it in the past couple of years. Anyway, I wish I never would have told them what was going on with me because now that I'm taking the steps to feeling better and I am feeling a little better already, they are constantly asking me every single time I see them..."How is everything going?" "Are you feeling better yet" "How anxious are you?" "Is your anxiety bothering you today?" I know I am very lucky that I have a family that cares but at times I just feel like how will I ever get past this and move on if they keep bringing it up all the time? It almost feels patronizing at times. I don't know, maybe I'm just being to prideful. I just know it really bothers me. I don't want to be "anxious girl" I just want to be treated like normal! I could really use some advice on how to handle this...am I out of line for feeling this way?

Hi Fellow Flower,

I think they are just concerned, but probably ignorant on how to treat you now. Maybe they feel like they are walking on eggshells. Tell them that you are so happy for their care and concern, but you don't want them to be handling you with kid's gloves, and that you know you'll be able to come to them if you ever want to talk. That should get the point across without driving them away or making them think they aren't appreciated.

The advice I would offer is to sit down and have a frank discussion with them about how you feel about the situation. If you have the program, in the Session 2 section of the guidebook there are Partner's Guidelines which I think can be used for any family member. If you don't feel like you can talk to them face to face maybe write your mom and sister a letter. I'm sure once you tell them how you feel and how their actions are actually negative, they will change their behavior.

Mtdeffend:
I know exactly how you feel!! However, I don't know any answers.
But there are some very smart people on here who may have good advice for you.
A number of years ago I had severe depression.
It was pretty awful.
On top of that I was in a bad situation.
Seems I had no alternative but to trust my sisters and try to explain to them my feelings and limitations.
Oh bad move!!!! But I felt I had no choice.
I really needed some support badly. And I had no idea that there was a program like this one. Actually there probably wasn't at that time.
To this day they act superior and watch everything that I say.
And it has been a mighty long time.
They evidently felt I was defective some way.
People are so much better off this day and age.
Because the world is better educated and there is program like this.

I sure wish I had some advice for you. I'll be thinking on it.
By the way, most of my sisters were as bad off as I before it was all over with.

Just keep your chin up. Your family probably don't mean any harm.
Keep with the program!!! The program will help you a lot.
MJ

Cornflower, I think you just gave some really good advice. guess you did have some answers.

Thank you everyone. I do know that they are concerned, as I would be for them. As a matter of fact my sister also stuggles with anxiety and depression so I have been supportive of her before, but I always tried to be careful how often I asked her how she was doing. I guess to me having people see my faults and weaknesses makes me feel inferior to them. I guess that's more my own issues than theirs. I just don't want to be looked at any differently than before. I've had this for 20 years, I'm no different!

I believe you have some great advice here...one thing I would add is to find a support system outside your family....here is good..people whom share your walk and understand.

I had to finally admit to a very good friend that I had suffered axiety and panic along with self medicating for years....that in itself lead me to get help, because she stands by me and holds me accountable...my family cares but can be over baring and judgmental.

I agree with talking to them...but then you may need others in your life as well....You can do it...right along with the rest of us.

P.S. I love the flowers...

Originally posted by mtdeffend:
I was just hoping someone could give me some advice on how to handle this...When I was really struggling with my anxiety I talked to my Mom and my sister about it. I have always been very private about my struggles with anxiety but I have tried to be more open about it in the past couple of years. Anyway, I wish I never would have told them what was going on with me because now that I'm taking the steps to feeling better and I am feeling a little better already, they are constantly asking me every single time I see them..."How is everything going?" "Are you feeling better yet" "How anxious are you?" "Is your anxiety bothering you today?" I know I am very lucky that I have a family that cares but at times I just feel like how will I ever get past this and move on if they keep bringing it up all the time? It almost feels patronizing at times. I don't know, maybe I'm just being to prideful. I just know it really bothers me. I don't want to be "anxious girl" I just want to be treated like normal! I could really use some advice on how to handle this...am I out of line for feeling this way?

Hi MTDEFFEND, my name is Kevin. First let me just say, Congratulations to you for taking steps to rid yourself of panic and anxiety! As to your problem, 1. Your answer is within your original post above, you simply need to say to your Family just what you said above, ONLY with a compassionate tone when speaking with them! I am a year and a half panic attacks free!! I suffered severely for twelve years until finding this program and an Amazing woman that I worked with Deborah Huddleston ( A REAL LIFE ANGEL INDEED) ! I NEVER hid to anyone the fact that I had panic attacks! I found it very freeing for me and also to my surprise found so many others who were also suffering but too afriad to EVER speak of it! What I said to my Family/Friends ect. was this, Panic Attacks this is what I am dealing with. I went into detail as much as I could to help them to understand as best as I could! Those who did push ( so to speak) such as you are experiencing with your Family, I simply let them know with compassion that I was grateful for their concern and compassion for me but I also let them know that it would be more to my benifit to not speak of it so much unless I felt the need to seek their comfort! Initially they asked why? Again I kept it simple and Compassionate " because to talk about it all the time or often makes me feel like that's all people see when they see me"! THAT ALONE GOT EVERYONE'S ATTENTION! " I still want everyone to see me for me, the Son the Brother the Uncle the friend that I am, the person, the Child of God! When I need to talk about it I will and I will do so knowing that all of you guys are there for me! It doesn't mean you can't EVER ask, I'm just asking to allow me to initiate when I need to. Just as important mtdeffend, you are going to have to accept that others are going to have their ways, their faults flaws ect. and that not everyone is going to get it, and that's ok! There is great freedom when you find that place within yourself to let others have their own thoughts and feelings and ideas! YOU know who YOU are, ( and THEY know also) it's a mixture of finding that balance that works to your best interest! The real world doesn't always provide that exact setting for us, therefore sometimes it is then up to us to CREATE it! By accepting that there are going to be some who do and say what they want and how they want, BUT....That does NOT change who YOU are!! I finally said to all in my Life, " This is what I'm going through, you can either choose to respect and learn as much as you can if you are wanting to help or simply not ask"! Sometimes the truth is not soft and sweet! If you have to let it out a little more on the tough side, have at it, still with Compassion! Eventually they are going to get it one way or the other! This does not have to be that difficult! STOP apologizing for what you're dealing with and going through! I am no way judging you at all in my post to you nor to what I'm fixing to say, I hear no SELF COMPASSION!! You sound irritated ( righfully so) however, you can't " tip toe" around what everyone else is feeling thinking saying ect.! They know now, if your Family Loves and Respects you ( and I'm gathering here, they do) then they will honor your wishes, IF your wishes are made clear! You have NO reason to beat around the bush, just let your true feelings as worded above be known! Keep your aim and your focus on the bigger fish to fry ( so to speak) dedicating yourself and continuing the work to be FREE of panic attacks and axiety! Don't just fly...SOAR! BE BLESSED!!
Love and Light,
Kevin If you are anyone else have any questions or simply want to talk, feel free to send me an email to kajunkev@aol.com

Thanks so much Kevin. Your post was extremely helpful and insightful. I will definately speak to them honestly about it if it continues on, I'm giving it a couple more days so I can figure out what I'm going to say to them if need be. Thanks again!