Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 8:26 am
Hello FRIENDS here @ StressCenter.com chat & forum. It's been a little while since I've posted here. I wanted to share some GREAT news with you all, if may. I would hope, sincerely, that this news can & will serve as inspiration to you all out there suffering from anxiety disorder + panic attacks + sleep deprivation + PTSD + depression (of which I have suffererd fr ALL) - that THESE AILMENTS ARE "NOT" your forever.
On this past Saturday, 5/2/09, I made LIFETIME @ Weight Watcher's. What this means is the following: I joined W.W.'s in the end of June 2007. I weighed in @ 212 lbs ='s size 22/24(I am only 5'3 1/2). A/O Sat, I now weigh 139 lbs ='s size 4/6 ='s apprx 72lb weight loss. Under W.W.'s, you have a "goal weight" governed by your height/age & other factors. I achieved "GOAL" 6 weeks ago & entered into MAINTANANCE. Sat, I completed my maintainance by maintaining my goal weight of 140lbs - w/ no gain or loss greater than 2 lbs, for those "6weeks". Oh yes, I did have plateau's here & there. However, I kept my eye on the prize & realized how much I wanted this + how hard I'd worked & reminding myself what was @ stake here ='s what this "LIFETIME" award TRULY meant to me.
You see, my getting LIFETIME meant all those ailments I had suffered from didn't beat me. It meant I was stronger than the WORST that anxiety disorder + panic attacks + ptsd + sleep deprivation + depression could throw @ me. When I joined W.W'S, I had done so 2mths after being officially diagnosed w/ major depression for the 1st time in my life. I was diagnosed w/ depression in March 2007 & joined W.W. in June 2007. Why? lol how? lol
My anxiety disorder was triggered in APR 2005 by surgery I had for the 1st time. It came hard + fast & was 24/7. That surgery was not the cause, just the trigger. I was diagnosed by 2 different medical professionals - w/ each telling me I was 1 of the worst cases they had ever seen. Out of necessity, I entered therapy. I required medication (anxiety med & 2 sleep aids). I was in such a severe state, I couldn't work & was later informed by my psychiatrist that I was 2 steps away fr being put in a psych hosp. It was as though, "over-night" I became someone I didn't recognize. The totality of those ailments left me feeling as though I were in a world w/ in itself, by MYSELF. I became totally dependant on my hubby & emotionally dependant on anyone willing to give me the time of day.
I attended weekly & very intensive therapy w/ my former psychiatrist. During that time, I did find Lucinda's program & read the forums/participated in chats, etc. However, I wasn't ready for her program just yet. I had a lot of stuff to work through 1st. These were things that were apparently @ the core of my situation - however, I just didn't realize it & nor did I realize just how much. Yes, these events fr my youth were extreme & severe (hence the ptsd). Because of the severity of these events & cumulativeness, I spent the following 2 yrs(apprx) working through them. I am a former victim of child abuse + abandonment + molestation. You see, long b/4 I could get to the point where I was ready to face myself - I needed to unburden myself w/ those things, emotionally speaking. I needed to get to a point where I could face them + feel the respective emotions + learn empathy/forgiveness for the perpetrators. I was blessed, as I came to see. You know why? In spite of anything that was done to me, I was blessed by God w/ my heart & character. I knew better & different. As a result, not only could I heal/grow/change/evolve - I could end the cycle. You can't fix what you don't know is broken. I could "see".
I arrived @ the point in my journey & recovery where I was ready to see myself. That point came in OCT 2006. I literally said to myself OUT-LOUD "Lenore, there are just some things about you that need to change." Blame belonge to noone. It was me responsible for me, particularly how I was feeling & how I was thinking & how I was reacting to things. As a result, it was I who needed to change & it was I who needed to find a way to make that happen.
I ordered Lucinda's program & started it the 1st time in Nov 2006. Fr the beginning, fr the GET GO, that beautiful woman was DEAD ON. I am telling you it was as though she knew me - as though she were a silent observer of ME, all my life, lol. I followed her program STRICTLY AS INSTRUCTED.If there were a topic I had difficulty w/, I didn't let it stop me. I researched it via the library + on line + dr's/professionals - I empowered myself by becoming informed. Once I had the knowledge - I could apply it to me.
I did recover fr anxiety disorder + panic attacks + ptsd + sleep deprivation by apprx FEB 2007. I haven't taken any anxiety meds/sleep aids in 2 1/2 yrs. As a result of all that my recovery took, I became severely depressed. This was no highschool boyfriend thingy. This frightened me. So, I fought back. Depression was dark/gloomy - it depleted me of every single ounce of energy I had - then, you add the depress med - which made me more tired(the benefits TO ME of that med outweighed any side effects). I had to figure out & face WHY LENORE WAS DEPRESSED. I did just that - in part, via therapy. Majority of the work was done @ home - I cld this SELF WORK.
I realized part of why I was depressed was my food issues + my weight + the fear that I was going in a very dangerous direction - health wise. Part of my food issues were: food represented a false sense of stability & security for me - "I have food now, not like when I was little - I better eat it now b/4 it goes away again & I'll go hungry." The logic w/ that, for me was I did go hungry in younger years. I had so perfected the art of "emotional eating" that I ate my way through things as my way "of dealing w/ them". So, I trained myself to face/feel/deal - you could eat all the food you want - the fact is they can't make things go away - the problems & pain will still be there as long as you don't deal.
I also realized during this time that while I may have been COMFORTABLEw/ this unhealthy lifestyle my hubby & I created (excessive overeating all unhealthy foods & NO exercising)- I wasn't really happy w/ it & I didn't like how I felt - in my heart/soul/body. My "spirit" was mourning. So, I decided to do something about it. It was simply an extension of the brilliance Lucinda displays in her program to become informed & empowered - enable yourself to gain control of your life & how you feel. I decided to do that. I JOINED WEIGHT WATCHERS in the end of JUNE 2007.
Making this "lifestyle" change is DARN HARD. My having to do it w/ major depression, while attempting to recover fr major depression - was like some SICK JOKE, lol - honest. Friends, you know what my TRUE MOTIVATOR was? I simpy wanted to FEEL BETTER. I was going outside, while experiencing depression, & I wasn't FEELING THE WORLD. I'd see the sun + the leaves moving fr the breeze + I'd see the birds - yet I couldn't feel them - as though someone threw a dark black curtain over me. I'd see the neighbors yet feel as though I was alone in the world, as though I literally I was the only 1 in existence - no exageration. While I knew I had things to work on behind my depression, I knew in my GUT - that making this lifestyle change would be THE PLATFORM to lift me out of it - I let go & let GOD.
There were mannnnnnnnny days where I did not have it & yet I did it still. The logic I had (for which I felt as though I should get the NOBLE PRIZE FOR GENIUS OF SOMETHING OR OTHER, LOL) WAS THIS: every time I sweat a little something, I was sweating out the poison that was running through my body that was depression - every time I ate a little healthier, I was combatting that EMOTIONAL GERM that was depression in my body. I read enough in literature + got to know myelf enough (via anxiety disorder recovery) that when depression was trying to fill me w/ lies, I DID THE OPPOSITE, 9X'S OUT OF 10, OF WHAT & ALL DEPRESSION WAS TELLING ME.I wasn't working & the bed & couch cld my name "lay dwn, don't exercise - sleep". I didnt listen. I fought, often w/ tears in my eyes & aches in every single part of my body, & I moved/exercised in the capacity I had @ the time. I took it a little @ time + 1 day @ a time + prayers ALL THE TIME (I didn't do this alone).
I did recover fr depression & graduated fr therapy after almost 3 3/4 yrs. I haven't taken a depress med since sept/oct 2008 + I had my last therapy session in NOV 2008. There is such a direct connection behind what we're feeling mentally & emotionally & the VERY un-healthy foods we’re putting in our body + lack of exercising. Remember this my friends, “being over-weight” is a SYMPTOM of something else. Find out what that something else is. Granted, my ailments were fuled in lge part to past things. However, by me feeding my body better/healthier foods + cutting back sugar & caffeine + exercising - I not only DID FEEL BETTER & these ailments decreased till they went away - I put myself in a much better position to handle life's events. Healthy eating + skills fr Lucinda's program + exercising + ME + outside resources (W.W.'S for ex) I am THE WOMAN LENORE - healthier than she's ever been in her entire life - I am living as I choose making yet another accomplishment come to be - getting in shape.
I cried (listen, I'm a walking 24/7 walking & talking CHICK FLICK MOVIE ahahhahah)when I made LIFETIME saturday morning. For me, it presented all of the hard work these past 4 yrs represented - it showed me I am so capable of more than I ever realized - it showed me - I WON, I LENORE, AM THE WINNER.
I look back on these past 4 yrs & I am truly humbled. I am working, successfully for over 1 year + recovered + healthy/inshape & 1 by 1, my dreams are coming true - not just thinking about them, but making them happen. I have LIFE SKILLS - a result of Lucinda's program. I don't have words to her to express my gratitude - other than to say, "God bless you Lucinda. You are doing God's will."
Lucinda's program WORKS - work it as instructed - don't give up - give in, keep fighting / learning/ growing / evolving - allow feeling better to become your motivatior. There is a light @ the end of the tunnel & I promise you Lucinda's program will take you there.
Your friend,
Lenore
On this past Saturday, 5/2/09, I made LIFETIME @ Weight Watcher's. What this means is the following: I joined W.W.'s in the end of June 2007. I weighed in @ 212 lbs ='s size 22/24(I am only 5'3 1/2). A/O Sat, I now weigh 139 lbs ='s size 4/6 ='s apprx 72lb weight loss. Under W.W.'s, you have a "goal weight" governed by your height/age & other factors. I achieved "GOAL" 6 weeks ago & entered into MAINTANANCE. Sat, I completed my maintainance by maintaining my goal weight of 140lbs - w/ no gain or loss greater than 2 lbs, for those "6weeks". Oh yes, I did have plateau's here & there. However, I kept my eye on the prize & realized how much I wanted this + how hard I'd worked & reminding myself what was @ stake here ='s what this "LIFETIME" award TRULY meant to me.
You see, my getting LIFETIME meant all those ailments I had suffered from didn't beat me. It meant I was stronger than the WORST that anxiety disorder + panic attacks + ptsd + sleep deprivation + depression could throw @ me. When I joined W.W'S, I had done so 2mths after being officially diagnosed w/ major depression for the 1st time in my life. I was diagnosed w/ depression in March 2007 & joined W.W. in June 2007. Why? lol how? lol
My anxiety disorder was triggered in APR 2005 by surgery I had for the 1st time. It came hard + fast & was 24/7. That surgery was not the cause, just the trigger. I was diagnosed by 2 different medical professionals - w/ each telling me I was 1 of the worst cases they had ever seen. Out of necessity, I entered therapy. I required medication (anxiety med & 2 sleep aids). I was in such a severe state, I couldn't work & was later informed by my psychiatrist that I was 2 steps away fr being put in a psych hosp. It was as though, "over-night" I became someone I didn't recognize. The totality of those ailments left me feeling as though I were in a world w/ in itself, by MYSELF. I became totally dependant on my hubby & emotionally dependant on anyone willing to give me the time of day.
I attended weekly & very intensive therapy w/ my former psychiatrist. During that time, I did find Lucinda's program & read the forums/participated in chats, etc. However, I wasn't ready for her program just yet. I had a lot of stuff to work through 1st. These were things that were apparently @ the core of my situation - however, I just didn't realize it & nor did I realize just how much. Yes, these events fr my youth were extreme & severe (hence the ptsd). Because of the severity of these events & cumulativeness, I spent the following 2 yrs(apprx) working through them. I am a former victim of child abuse + abandonment + molestation. You see, long b/4 I could get to the point where I was ready to face myself - I needed to unburden myself w/ those things, emotionally speaking. I needed to get to a point where I could face them + feel the respective emotions + learn empathy/forgiveness for the perpetrators. I was blessed, as I came to see. You know why? In spite of anything that was done to me, I was blessed by God w/ my heart & character. I knew better & different. As a result, not only could I heal/grow/change/evolve - I could end the cycle. You can't fix what you don't know is broken. I could "see".
I arrived @ the point in my journey & recovery where I was ready to see myself. That point came in OCT 2006. I literally said to myself OUT-LOUD "Lenore, there are just some things about you that need to change." Blame belonge to noone. It was me responsible for me, particularly how I was feeling & how I was thinking & how I was reacting to things. As a result, it was I who needed to change & it was I who needed to find a way to make that happen.
I ordered Lucinda's program & started it the 1st time in Nov 2006. Fr the beginning, fr the GET GO, that beautiful woman was DEAD ON. I am telling you it was as though she knew me - as though she were a silent observer of ME, all my life, lol. I followed her program STRICTLY AS INSTRUCTED.If there were a topic I had difficulty w/, I didn't let it stop me. I researched it via the library + on line + dr's/professionals - I empowered myself by becoming informed. Once I had the knowledge - I could apply it to me.
I did recover fr anxiety disorder + panic attacks + ptsd + sleep deprivation by apprx FEB 2007. I haven't taken any anxiety meds/sleep aids in 2 1/2 yrs. As a result of all that my recovery took, I became severely depressed. This was no highschool boyfriend thingy. This frightened me. So, I fought back. Depression was dark/gloomy - it depleted me of every single ounce of energy I had - then, you add the depress med - which made me more tired(the benefits TO ME of that med outweighed any side effects). I had to figure out & face WHY LENORE WAS DEPRESSED. I did just that - in part, via therapy. Majority of the work was done @ home - I cld this SELF WORK.
I realized part of why I was depressed was my food issues + my weight + the fear that I was going in a very dangerous direction - health wise. Part of my food issues were: food represented a false sense of stability & security for me - "I have food now, not like when I was little - I better eat it now b/4 it goes away again & I'll go hungry." The logic w/ that, for me was I did go hungry in younger years. I had so perfected the art of "emotional eating" that I ate my way through things as my way "of dealing w/ them". So, I trained myself to face/feel/deal - you could eat all the food you want - the fact is they can't make things go away - the problems & pain will still be there as long as you don't deal.
I also realized during this time that while I may have been COMFORTABLEw/ this unhealthy lifestyle my hubby & I created (excessive overeating all unhealthy foods & NO exercising)- I wasn't really happy w/ it & I didn't like how I felt - in my heart/soul/body. My "spirit" was mourning. So, I decided to do something about it. It was simply an extension of the brilliance Lucinda displays in her program to become informed & empowered - enable yourself to gain control of your life & how you feel. I decided to do that. I JOINED WEIGHT WATCHERS in the end of JUNE 2007.
Making this "lifestyle" change is DARN HARD. My having to do it w/ major depression, while attempting to recover fr major depression - was like some SICK JOKE, lol - honest. Friends, you know what my TRUE MOTIVATOR was? I simpy wanted to FEEL BETTER. I was going outside, while experiencing depression, & I wasn't FEELING THE WORLD. I'd see the sun + the leaves moving fr the breeze + I'd see the birds - yet I couldn't feel them - as though someone threw a dark black curtain over me. I'd see the neighbors yet feel as though I was alone in the world, as though I literally I was the only 1 in existence - no exageration. While I knew I had things to work on behind my depression, I knew in my GUT - that making this lifestyle change would be THE PLATFORM to lift me out of it - I let go & let GOD.
There were mannnnnnnnny days where I did not have it & yet I did it still. The logic I had (for which I felt as though I should get the NOBLE PRIZE FOR GENIUS OF SOMETHING OR OTHER, LOL) WAS THIS: every time I sweat a little something, I was sweating out the poison that was running through my body that was depression - every time I ate a little healthier, I was combatting that EMOTIONAL GERM that was depression in my body. I read enough in literature + got to know myelf enough (via anxiety disorder recovery) that when depression was trying to fill me w/ lies, I DID THE OPPOSITE, 9X'S OUT OF 10, OF WHAT & ALL DEPRESSION WAS TELLING ME.I wasn't working & the bed & couch cld my name "lay dwn, don't exercise - sleep". I didnt listen. I fought, often w/ tears in my eyes & aches in every single part of my body, & I moved/exercised in the capacity I had @ the time. I took it a little @ time + 1 day @ a time + prayers ALL THE TIME (I didn't do this alone).
I did recover fr depression & graduated fr therapy after almost 3 3/4 yrs. I haven't taken a depress med since sept/oct 2008 + I had my last therapy session in NOV 2008. There is such a direct connection behind what we're feeling mentally & emotionally & the VERY un-healthy foods we’re putting in our body + lack of exercising. Remember this my friends, “being over-weight” is a SYMPTOM of something else. Find out what that something else is. Granted, my ailments were fuled in lge part to past things. However, by me feeding my body better/healthier foods + cutting back sugar & caffeine + exercising - I not only DID FEEL BETTER & these ailments decreased till they went away - I put myself in a much better position to handle life's events. Healthy eating + skills fr Lucinda's program + exercising + ME + outside resources (W.W.'S for ex) I am THE WOMAN LENORE - healthier than she's ever been in her entire life - I am living as I choose making yet another accomplishment come to be - getting in shape.
I cried (listen, I'm a walking 24/7 walking & talking CHICK FLICK MOVIE ahahhahah)when I made LIFETIME saturday morning. For me, it presented all of the hard work these past 4 yrs represented - it showed me I am so capable of more than I ever realized - it showed me - I WON, I LENORE, AM THE WINNER.
I look back on these past 4 yrs & I am truly humbled. I am working, successfully for over 1 year + recovered + healthy/inshape & 1 by 1, my dreams are coming true - not just thinking about them, but making them happen. I have LIFE SKILLS - a result of Lucinda's program. I don't have words to her to express my gratitude - other than to say, "God bless you Lucinda. You are doing God's will."
Lucinda's program WORKS - work it as instructed - don't give up - give in, keep fighting / learning/ growing / evolving - allow feeling better to become your motivatior. There is a light @ the end of the tunnel & I promise you Lucinda's program will take you there.
Your friend,
Lenore
