Stress Center Peer Support

Well...it's almost 2 am in my part of the world...and I'm up for the second time in a row with insomnia. It doesn't bother me much...I know I will get to sleep eventually..lol. However, I think it is brought on my one of my biggest fears. As a child I can remember laying in bed at night being scared that someone might break in my house and kill me or a family member, or that I would wake up in the middle of the night to the smell of smoke and my house would be on fire. It was so hard for me to go to sleep. My mom would read the Bible to me at night sometimes to calm me. One of my favorite verses that she read was Psalms 4:8 "I will both lay be down in peace, and sleep:for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety." I still refer to that scripture. Anyway, as the years have past I have just always been a "night" person...never going to bed until around midnight or so. Once I got married I would lay in bed with my head on my husbands chest and hear his heart beat. Prior to meeting him, he had been involved in MAJOR drugs (been clean for years now and is now a preacher). As I would lay there is listen to his heart beat I would think about how vital of an organ that was. Once it stops...that's it. And then the thought of him being on drugs before and all the effects that has on the body made me really think...It got to the point where I couldn't lay my head on his chest because the thought of hearing that last beat was so terrifing. Fastfoward to now...I have 2 precious little girls (3 1/2 and 2). Those haunting thoughts still creep in my mind. What if my good night kiss is the last thing I get from them? What if I or one of them, or my husband doesn't wake up the next morning? I'm terrified!! I hate going to sleep because I don't want to miss a moment with them. I am very religous which oddly enough makes it worse. I know that we are never promised another moment. I know that we are to live our lives in the "precious present moment" as Lucinda and Caroline say. And to tell you the truth that makes it worse. What if that moment is the last moment I have? Even if that moment is a good one I still don't want it to be the last..you know? I've never really come to grips with this fear until just recently. And now it's just really overwhelming. (I'm in tears as I am typing this). During the day it's not that big of a problem. But when it's time for bed those thoughts start creeping in. I know that I should counteract those negative "what ifs" into postives but honestly what postive comes from the last time you see someone? Ok, I think I'm getting tired now..maybe the crying has made me tired enough to go to sleep..lol. Good night all...and may we all wake up in the morning to the sun shining and all our family alive and well....

Mindi.....whenever those thoughts come into your head remind yourself that we don't just "die" we eventually complete the time we have here (when it is our time) and we cross over to another plane where our spirit is free from the burden of being in the body. The real us is always alive.

I have had thoughts like that ..... I guess it is the fear of the unknown. We are safe, we are in good hands.......we are learning from our trials so that one day we can help another person through their fears.

Take it a day at a time.....enjoy your family....enjoy being you....live in the "now".

Have a peaceful sleep .... picture God's arms around you while you rest on his lap.

With understanding and respect
Maria Sue

Mindi,

I thought I was the only one who experienced this! I am scared to go to sleep. That was a huge thing to admit to a few weeks ago, and now, I am working on admitting it to my doctors. I have been an insomniac for the better part of the last twelve years. I can really only sleep now if I take a sleeping pill. I have my worst anxiety and panic attacks as I am falling asleep, which triggers me awake. I am afraid that something will happen to me or my family if I fall asleep. It's a ridiculous thought. However, we are at our most vulnerable when asleep, and this freaks me out. We will get through this! One night at a time!

Genie