Stress Center Peer Support

Little things are just eating me up. I rationalize that they aren't a big deal and that I've got other, more important things going on. I try to look at it from the standpoint of how minor things are compared to what others are dealing with. But the FEELINGS won't go away.
Sadly, most of the little things that bother me all of a sudden are things my husband innocently does. For instance, he was at his mom's last night and told me he'd be home in 15 minutes, but it was an hour. I'm sitting here with dinner on the table. Today, I called him about some pretty potentially serious side effects from the meds I'm taking. He didn't call me back. But when I walked over to his mother's, he just happened to call HER about a freezer he wanted to buy. Hello, it's going in MY house. I accused him of making me number 2 in his life. I feel bad, but that's what I really feel like right now.
I'm on day three of weaning off Zyprexa and starting Lamictal for my moods and emotions. I hope and pray I'll get leveled out, b/c he doesn't deserve the way I'm acting.
He prays with me that he will be a better husband, and I think he's wonderful as is. But darn, what's going on in me? Is it jealousy? Is the change in meds making me extra sensitive to things that don't amount to a hill of beans? I think I'm gonna pull my hair out b/c this isn't ME. And I sure don't want it to become me. UUHHHHH!

MY DEAREST BEVERLY:

I thought to myself, did I write this post? I have been feeling like a volcano inside lately but couldnt put it into words, you did it perfectly.. that is one wicked way to feel! I will comment on the med- you were with me when I went through the last one- the one that put me in the hospital.. well it made me feel 100 times worse and more sensitive to everything, I couldnt even go to work for a day which is not me (I went a whole year without a day off) noentheless, I hated my skin, my brain, the way I looked, my spouse, my house, everything.. so I am saying I feel the way you do on a daily basis but the med changes make me suicidal and im sure you could agree when you live in anguish 24 hours a day all you want is relief if that means death, so be it.. horrible place to be.

I relate to feeling like #2, you know my situation however, the way your feeling would make any lack of attention feel like abandonment. The only thing that kept me from not peeling my skin off during this time was to keep separating my spirit from my thoughts- I found that light of strength deep down and told myself for DAYS that it would pass.. it eventually did. I spent a lot of time journaling which I know you do as well. Have you been reviewing any tapes? do you have pms as well? I only ask b.c. I go right for a man during that time, perhaps thats why you feel more irritable around your hubby? I know it is hard to control your tongue during this time. I find exercise and honesty with those around you help, separate the med change from how you feel about your hubby.. just a thought!

I wish I had the magic answer for both of us, I am finding the effexor weak right now. no focus, no motivation, and major exhausten..

I have never had someone else state they would like to pull their hair out, why do we have that urge? I had it the entire lunch time.. just feel pain to the distract the pain?!

I promise you those really intense feelings will pass eventually, get the meds on track, have you tried reading some of your good journal posts? sometimes that helps me to know another day will be better or has been..

It is scary though- my feelings range from ocd, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, self doubt, indecisiveness, GUILT and sadness daily.. how do you decifer?

My thoughts are with you, I hope it gets easier for you today. Perhaps you deserve a gift, why dont you buy yourself some flowers or a magazine you enjoy? something little just for you?

Please keep in touch and vent away if needed I would be happy to read!

MAEGGIE,
It helps so much to know that someone else is feeling the same way. Though I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But it makes me feel more normal.

We gotta get the good vibes going on. I'm praying, journaling, reading, listening to tapes. I feel all those awful things you listed but add helpless to it. I just ask the Lord to help me through it though I can't understand why it has to happen, but He didn't promise life without tribulation.

LOL- I'm not PMSing, BUT (and I know you're gonna laugh), I have this terrifying feeling that I'm pregnant. I feel "something" moving. Andy says it's probably something like a spastic colon (something else to be a hypochndriac over). Mind you, I've had my tubes tied AND the lining of my uterus burned out to ease a heavy period. So, I have a better chance of being named Miss America than having a baby. But my OCD self keeps freaking out about it.

I just hate the way these medicines take weeks to work their magic. Weeks feel like years to me. I keep thinking that I don't have time to wait on them to work. I need something now (see the prescription drug addiction showing it's ugly head?)

I sank so low Sunday, I gave all my meds to Andy to hide. I was scared of getting frustrated and downing them, though I'm sure that wouldn't have happened. I just didn't want the temptation when things seemed hopeless and you just want that relief you talked about.

I couldn't ask for a better husband. The Lord knew what kind of man I needed and that could help me through this. BUT, his worst fault is pride which means he will defend himself to the end. I know I shouldn't be ticked at him, but I do feel that way right now. At another point in time, it would be like water off a duck's back. If he'd just say that he'd try to be more sensitive about it in the future. I haven't even told him how it chaps my tail when I don't hear from him all day every day unless I call him, but he has time to check in with his mom ans sister all the time. I've just kept my mouth shut. It's no big deal. But I would like to be on the receiving end of who he thinks of to call to shoot the bull on his lunch hour or commute home. Rant, rant, rant...There are more important things in the world than this petty stuff, but in my little world, it hurts.
I just found out last night that I'm on some meds that have serious interactions- life threatening. I had no idea until I took the leaflet out and read it for a minor rash I was getting. I freaked out, searched on line, called two docs (who haven't called back), and called the company. They passed me around the company, each telling me to cease the others meds immediately for fear of seizures and extremely high blood pressure. I'm scared to death here, and I know Andy would calm me down in a few minutes, but dern. When he called up at his mom's and she said I'll let you talk to your wife (after they had decided he would buy the freezer he was looking out), and he said "I was just about to call you to tell you to clean out a place in the laundry room." I just started crying. I mean who consults with their mom on major appliance purchases instead of their wife? His reponse was that he thought I didn't care. I am not demanding in that respect. I am happy to be blessed to have whatever. I don't care how big or what brand, and maybe that explains it all. But I could've sworn the three of us in this marriage were God, Andy and me. My insecurity is bound to cause a big fight tonight.

I don't remember much about the Effexor you are on. It seems like I had two anti depressants though. I think the other was Lexapro, which was great for moodiness and emotional chaos.

Well, I just treated myself to some Joel Osteen tapes, and can't wait until they come in. That will be my treat.

Thanks a million Maeggie. I have to run and get the baby. Naptime is over. Talk to you soon, Beverly

hi there.

Dont be so darn hard on you.....what your feeling I dont think has much to do with anxiety just the dynamics of husband/wife. There is an excellent book called When Mars and Venus Collide.....its written by Dr. John Grey who did the Mars Venus book and its excellent.
It clearly interprets the differnces between men and women and how we can acknowledge them and live with them.

Im reading it now and Ive done the "thats us" thing about a billion times! LOL

I know that feeling of wanting to be number 1 and you are...sounds like you have a truely dedicated man from your post....but try to term it as sharing him.....

I am a Mother of a boy and it breaks my heart that someday another woman will walk into his life and want him 100%. Also keep in mind that if your going through some mood changes maybe he needs an outlet or maybe he doesnt want to burden you with more daily routine crap so he asked his mother. If you think you can take it on right now then tell him hey ask me I got some ideas.

Try not to be so defensive about him and posessive dont question his everymove because you will in the end push him father away. Men want to feel loved and happy and safe.....(much of what Mom did as he grew up) so we as women need to create that environment for them and our families as a whole. Course dont get me wrong when they goof up they need to know we arent door mats. Be a strong confident woman and you will see that alot of this petty junk is just that petty junk.

Do the lesson on assertive behaivor become good at saying and asking for what you want and need without being to dramatic. Very hard this was for me....but I changed and it made a world of difference.

Good luck!
Sounds like you got a good one.
Hang on tight.
Dodger

Thanks Dodger. You made many good points. This will all be irrelevant in a few days hopefully.
We had a big blowout and he accused me of trying to put a wedge between him and his family, something his ex wife did do. What a blow to me! He's at his mom's now- lol- have to laugh at the irony instead of crying. I don't blame him for not wanting to be around me now. I don't want to be around me either. HHMM! I could come back when I feel better- lol.
My emotions have been from one extreme to another so I'm extra sensitive right now. And extra needy. We are fortunate that we rarely argue, so it's defeating when we do. It could be much worse on all accounts.
Sounds like I need to pick up that book. I'm familiar with the author. DIdn't know this one was out though. Thanks a bunch.

bev, If you are anything like me, you don't like to ask for help or burden anybody with your problems or feelings. Sounds like your husband is an understanding guy, so TALK to him. let him know what is going on inside. I went through something similar a while back. I finally talked to my wife. It helped alot!

Thanks, tinamn. You are so right. I would rather take a beating as opposed to ask for help or burden someone. He's a talker- put everything out on the table. We just have to learn to compromise. Thanks again.

hey bev, i dont know if youve taken the survey on this website that shows you some of your specific causes for your anxiety, but it sounds as though you have overly high expectations. i know because i have the same problem. i expect so much out of myself and those close to me, but i rarely vocalize it. and when i do vocalize it, it comes out as anger because i have no other method to get it out. what i'm just starting to realize is more of my expectations will be met if i don't expect as much. i dont know if that makes sense, but it does in my head. i am starting to just open up and tell people how i feel as soon as i feel any inkling that i should open up. i used to just bottle it up and expect others to know how im feeling. i thought: if i feel so badly about a certain situation, it must show outwardly and people close to me should know that something is wrong. and that is crazy because i know, especially being a guy, that guys tend to not be very observational. you cant expect your husband to read your mind and know these thoughts are going thru your head. tinman made a great point to just open up and talk to him. us guys will go with the flow in a relationship most of the time, so just let him know how youre feeling and ways that he can give you a little more piece of mind. it will make him feel better as well to know what youre thinking and know that he can be there for you how you need it. and that will in turn make you feel better, im sure. anyway, i think i am rambling now. i hope i helped a little. keep on trucking and be confident in the fact that everything happens for a reason so there's really no reason to worry. good luck!

For what it's worth it could be the drugs...Best to get off of them completely.

Originally posted by bevhembree:
Little things are just eating me up. I rationalize that they aren't a big deal and that I've got other, more important things going on. I try to look at it from the standpoint of how minor things are compared to what others are dealing with. But the FEELINGS won't go away.
Sadly, most of the little things that bother me all of a sudden are things my husband innocently does. For instance, he was at his mom's last night and told me he'd be home in 15 minutes, but it was an hour. I'm sitting here with dinner on the table. Today, I called him about some pretty potentially serious side effects from the meds I'm taking. He didn't call me back. But when I walked over to his mother's, he just happened to call HER about a freezer he wanted to buy. Hello, it's going in MY house. I accused him of making me number 2 in his life. I feel bad, but that's what I really feel like right now.
I'm on day three of weaning off Zyprexa and starting Lamictal for my moods and emotions. I hope and pray I'll get leveled out, b/c he doesn't deserve the way I'm acting.
He prays with me that he will be a better husband, and I think he's wonderful as is. But darn, what's going on in me? Is it jealousy? Is the change in meds making me extra sensitive to things that don't amount to a hill of beans? I think I'm gonna pull my hair out b/c this isn't ME. And I sure don't want it to become me. UUHHHHH!

Bev,

Do you think your husband was trying not to burden you with the pressure of what kind of appliance to buy and that is why he was consulting his mother? Or, is this a regular occuring event? Just curious, how long have you been married.

I remember when I was first married, my husband and his mom went out clothes shopping. I was so hurt and offended and thought that I was inadequate in some way that his mom had to take him shopping. He was 40 at the time. I later learned that it was just some special time that he wanted to spend with her and had NOTHING to do with me or the love he had for me.

Turn the situation around and start with an I love you. Then explain in calm words how it hurt you. Don't try and change his relationship with his mama. It will never change. Ask him to help you. Ask for the help. Explain how inside out you are and when you call you need him. Desperately sometimes!

I don't know if that is helpful or not. This is only my second post on this website. I just have similar experiences and I hope you can work through your with Faith, Love and Hope.