Stress Center Peer Support

Heyy guyss let's say If i want to change for example when i talk on the phne with my g.f if something i said i felt like wasen't right i'll go on like this tangen on and on until i feel like what i have said is right! Or if she said something that got me to think of it as if it were an obessisiver scary thought i'll get like really scared like something is going to happen to us or as if it already happened then I'll just keep going on and on until i feel ok! like she has to say some thing that'll make me feel comforted yaa knoww! But when i tell myself nothing is perfect and you need to slow down and just relaxx and you don't own no one any explanation and i tell myself that i need to be less effected and not to blow up the little things and no way is she always going to agress with you thets not reality and what are you expecting her to say i gotton soo worked up! Any advise you guys can give me to just let things goo and be less effected and not take things that havent even happened and make them as if they alredy have! wWhen i tell myself i need to change these bad habits and i talk to myself i feel like i'm going to forget what i need to change about myself when the oppurtinity presents itself!I know i wont but sometimes i do! Help lol

My husband seems to have the same discription. everything he says, he waits several minuites to say before saying anything. It is some kind of insecurity, if you ask me. I have an inseecurity with my husband that is just as hard to understand. I can't seem to talk about anything "important". (like anything other than what's on tv.) I've never had such a complex. I have always just said what was on my mind. The whole not being able to perform stuff...it is bothering. I've been learning how to better myself by looking for those things I'm good at. In the back of my mind...complementing myself. My husband is currently batteling the "What if" kind of thinking. (he is also in denial.) It is verry hard on me. I've been going to counceling for over five years now. I've learned all kinds of stratigies from good comunication to bettering my anger isssues. I know this program is speciffied for stress and Luciinda bassett, but those of us who have stress due to communication...take a look at Rick brinkman and Rick kershner. (how to deal with difficult people.) Then try listening to it again and this time only aply the words to yourself. So the second time around, you should be saying to yourself..."oh, that's something for me to try." OR "That's how I get/That's what I do." The best results I've ever got came the second time around. After about a year I relized I am worrying to much about those things I can not change. I am just me. I can't talk some times because it is the wrong person. As in I need the qualities from my father when the person I was talking to was my husband. One person may not be able to understand me where another can. All I'm saying is I now understand I was expecting to much from my husband. I have learned to rely on my own self, because the man I love can't be everything I want in life. Some things I have to be for me only.

Hi Tanyalowther, I just posted my introduction tonight. And, in reading yours I can relate to your plight. I didn't have the communication skills years ago when I needed them. But, I,too, did the best I could with what I had at the time. I'm glad you seem to be hanging in there! The "grass is not really greener" on the other side of the fence. Someone once said to me, that we marry people who will force us to face our own issues. I think there is a lot of truth to that.
Mountainwren