Stress Center Peer Support

Need Help from all of you that have been here or are here,

I have been suffering from depression since i can remember, even as a child. Was a very unhappy, lonely child because of family situtation. My biggest fear growing up was that i would end up in a emotional detached marriage like my parents. Guess what? i think i did just that.
My husband does not understand what i'm going through, nor does he tries. He tells me to get over things and not worry, or to take a drive. I have three girls and because he's a work-a-holic they are with me night and day. He doesn't understand my frustrations and my desire to be alone when he gets home. I look at it as freedom and time i can spend reading, working the program or just relaxing. He thinks most of the time i have an attitude with him or that i'm acting crazy and isolating myself. By the time he gets home most days i'm so tired because i have done just about everything from helping with homework to making dinner to putting children to bed. I having mentioned i work fulltime. Sometimes i get so angry because if he does come home early and see me struggling with all my nightly motherly duties, i still get no assistance. He just sits in front of the tv until he doses off.

I'm emotionally out the door already. I even had a spiritual counselor tell me to leave. A friend recently told me that i rely on him for my happiness. And if i left how do i really know its not me being unhappy or if its truly him.

How do you know with this condition that enough is truly enough? Do any of you recommend that i finish the program before i make a big decision like ending my marriage and taking my children, therefore adding more stress to an already stressful situation? I'm on session 4 High expectations,do i just have unfounded expectations of what marriage is suppose to be?

Any advice would be highly appreciated.

Thanks

My advice is stick with the program. You will have a different view of life when you are finished and perhaps make a more informed decision.

I remember feeling frustrated with my spouse because I did not feel supported when I was completing the program.

If your spouse really loves you he will make some adjustments and you will make sacrifices as well.

Have you suggested couselling? You owe it to your kids to try to save your marriage first. Just my opinion of course.

I grew up in a similar environment and have felt the same feelings.

Best of luck.

I am inclined to agree with pujols5.

Granted I dont know all the facts and naturally my opinion ,and thats all it is ,just an opinion.
Its a big decision . I would finish the program and see what I have acomplished .You will know at least ,your decision was not based on unresolved issues .Do you know if your husband is going through his own sickness ? Being a work-a-holic is a serious condition .There are too many questions here ,I do know one thing though ,I hear alot of session 4 in your situation ,for right now ,if you can, forget about what HE should be doing ,FOCUS on yourself . I am only saying that because it is what I am doing .

I have been with the same person scinse I was 15 .It has not always been good ,Today ,it is better than it ever has been .

good luck ,stay stong and please dont stop talking .

miguel

Thanks,

I just wanted to say thank you both very much for the good advice! This was truly a hard thing to write about because i did not want to sound selfish and uncaring about my spouse and children. I am going to try to continue to work on the program and focus on myself before i make any big decisions.

Hi Yvette,

I totally understand you. I too have been depressed all my life even as a child becuase I also felt alone. My father was an alcholic and I always said to myself that I hope I never end up like my mother. We'll I got married to a Russian man who likes his Vodka and believe me I thought it would get better after we got married. I have told him that I want to seperate because he does the same thing your husband says. I don't have children, and scared if I'm flipping out like this and with all the depression. My advice and what my homeopath told me TODAY, is before you leave or make the decision to seperate or divorce is to focus on yourself first. And most of all, stick with the program! It will be too much for you too seperate and on top of that deal with the depression. Marriage counseling is an option because if he is a good father and can be a good husband then counseling would be something to first try. Men who don't know what it is to be depressed and deal with it, have an interesting way in dealing with it. I know my situation is different because I don't have children, but you have three girls who need both their mother and father. We have to focus on ourselves once we get to that healthy emotional level, everything will fall into place. Our way in communicating with others and expressing our wants, expectations and how to deal with life's tasks. I am not religious and this is something that I have been putting on the back of my mind. Having some faith is also one of the best tools in helping ourselves. I hope this helps.

Jackie

hi,
if you are in the program. lucinda tells us to not make any decisions until we finish the program.
i understand where you are coming from and had the same experience in my previous marriage.but there were other things that happened as well.
i know that it is better to have someone that understands what you are going through but sometimes it is not the case.we marry each other and take a vow.in sickness and health and all the other things that go along with it.
some that are here can not work and are stuck at home. they would give anything to be able to do what you are doing.
take your time in the program and know that we are here for you.know that i will keep you in my prayers as well. i finished the program in 2004 and have moved on and i come here from time to time to uplift others.
if you get a chance please read my profile and it will fill you in on where i came from and where i am now. take care and be blessed.
don

Hi,

I would love to recommend a book called Love and Respect, it is so interesting, and helpful! It explains what women need and what men need, and how we take and see things, and how they take and see things. It changed our whole way of thinking. Truely was a blessing. Even if your husband isn't in the place right now to read it with you, it will help you. He will see a change in you.....I hope the best for you!!

God Bless,
Ivy