Stress Center Peer Support

I've been a member since 11/07 and haven't really been doing the program regularly recently. I've gotten stuck on week 3. I haven't written any of my negative thoughts down but I have made mental notes of them and rephrased them into sorta positive thoughts.
I am a financial accountant at a fast growing residential construction company. (In MI right now, that's a huge deal since we're heading for a recession in MI.) Anyway, I'm a perfectionist which doesn't help this time of year. I am trying to finalize 12/07 financial statements and prepare for our annual CPA audit. I really hate this time of year. I put in alot of OT, which I resent, and I really dread going in to and just the thought of going in to work any more. I'm only 41 years old and I feel like I'm starting my mid life crisis. I've only done accounting and it's come to be very boring and non-challenging for me. I want to do something fun but have the personality where I'm afraid to do something different and stick my foot in to unknown territory.
Most people say I'm not a normal accountant. I actually have a creative/artistic side. Most number people don't have this.
I watch QVC all the time and the hosts always act like they really enjoy what they do. I've checked out job posting online there to see if anything interests me, but nothing so far. I think it'd be fun to hang out around the "girls" and just be a gopher for behind the scenes things. Then, the scared side of me comes out and says there's no way I'm going to uproot my life for something uncertain when all my family is here in town with me. I lack self confidence. Yes, I know this program is suppose to help with this, but it's very difficult to overcome childhood issues.
Today was a rough day. I had to go into work, which I resented. I had pains in my arms off and on along with an upset stomach, blah, blah, blah. I know it's all anxiety and I need to work through it all, but I'm tired of it all. I don't want to kill myself or anyone around me, but I do want to get out of town/state for a LONG vacation. Unfortunatley, I can't do this until after 3/20/08. This is too far away and I don't know what to do to get through til this time.
I don't want to do anything. I know I should go downstairs and exercise, but the last time I did this, I had weird chest feelings and I stopped because I was thinking I was going to have a heart attack. Calgon take me away doesn't work because my tub is too short for me. I know, I'm feeling the normal MI winter blues, since I don't like snow, but I have 3 months to go. Yesterday was a good day because we actually had sunshine for 3/4th's of the day. We don't normally see that this time of year.
Anyway, so to ramble on. I just had to get this off my chest and see if anyone wanted to chat. I'v tried to access he chat room portion of this website, but it doesn't seem to work for me. I think when I want to chat, it's past the chat hours.
Ann

Alot of what you wrote reminded me of me!
I am a teachers assistant and have been for 8 years. For the past 3 years I have felt like I needed to do something else! But what? Because of my anxieties, and self esteem issues I stay put. I have noticed staying put is very draining! I would encourage you as well as myself to take a chance and go for something that you like, and that makes you feel alive. I should practice what I preach....but I would sure love to see someone get out of a job and into one they love and feel succsesful in.
As far as the exercising and then getting pains...I have been there! Anxiety brings on so many aches and pains. I started a yoga cd in my living room which I have liked. It took everything for me to push play on the dvd player. I did feel better after. And the next morning I felt muscles that I didn't even know I had.

I live in AZ. Where we rarely see snow, so I can't imagine a long winter of it. So I can't imgine how it must feel to be surounded with it for months on end. I just hope this program is the light you need right now. Between prayer and this program I have some a long way!!

Never give up, if only we could see ourselves the way we really are!

Ivy

Thank you for the reply Ivy. yes, with my lack of self esteem right now, I am truely afraid of stepping outside my comfort zone. I can't see me making such a huge step as moving my life from MI to PA unless I had a definite plan. I've always been someone who doesn't like to do things or go places on her own. Ever since 9/11, I had an issue with doing things alone. I'm a SWF who's never been married.
I thank you so much for your words of encouragement. You know, a co-worker of mine was just talking about joining a yoga class. I've known others that go to classes as well and they've sworn by it. If I don't get out of the house and take a class, I know I won't do it in my home. It's too easy to say, 'maybe later, or tomorrow night."
If only AZ was closer to MI.
I visited your start for the first time 2 years ago in October and loved it. What they say about dry heat is really true. I'll take that over our 100%+ humidity any day.
Ann