Stress Center Peer Support

I have a few queries about Sex. Anxiety seems to have done weird things to my Sex drive, I'm not on Anti Depressants or anything so that can't be the issue, Problem being I'm just sort of to anxious to preform, When it does happen with my wife its a case of "Get it over quickly" Sadly I prefare to look at porn as theres no anxiety with porn.

While I love my wife but lack of sex is making me more interested in other Women, While I would never do anything any outing seems to be an excuse to eye up the other sex,

Sex seems to be on my mind 24/7 but I just can't be bothered with my wife as I get to anxious and worried etc,

Does this make me odd?

Don't worry, you're not odd. Sex is often an issue for those of us with anxiety and depression. Although I'm a woman and can't give you the male perspective, I've experienced something similar myself.

I think it's the fact that we want sex, but perhaps it's the familiarity of our spouse that makes it seem like pressure to us and our interest in them lessens. Looking at someone else could be our awareness that with a 'fling' your performance doesn't matter since you have no relationship with that person. I'm not sure, I'm just guessing.

Anyhow, my sex drive towards my husband is returning slowly as I learn to relax, state what works for me and just not feel so much pressure about sex. By being in the moment I find it more pleasurable and therefore, more likely I'll have a positive experience this time and positive thoughts towards next time.

You're not alone and it will get better as you start to recover.

Ronda

Yep, you're odd. As odd as the rest of us

Sex is a common issue with anxiety and depression sufferers. I used to have issues myself. My problem was that I would over think before I even got near my fiance. I already put the disappointment in my head before we even started...and of course it came true. Our minds are very powerful...Too many expectations or maybe not enough can ruin things before you begin.

I think you need to sit down and have a nice long talk with your wife. If you are feeling the strain, I'm betting she is too. Once the two of you talk and start to understand the problem, you can start to get over the issue.

Hi,

I can relate. I currently am struggling with this one, cant seem to get the train back on track- I agree with the other response, taking time and living in the momment seems to really help, also plan a little romance together to get things started, dinner candle light, bath, etc. rekindle the romance and the sex may come more naturally? I am working towards this also.

Goodluck and know, you arent alone!

I am not sure I have performance anxiety, however I do suffer some sort of anxiety during and even after the intimacy.

Mine comes from the fear that something physically is wrong with me and that sex will bring it on.

So, sometimes during the intimacy I have thoughts of concern, but then afterwards I have to convince myself nothing is wrong with me.

These issues seem to affect my bride more than me as she has said my concerns or anxiety for my health are a turn off.

I think I can understand that, I try to keep these things to myself now, before, during, after, but it can be hard sometimes.

I've been dealing with the same issues with my boyfriend. On top of which, we're in couples counseling, so it's bringing up 7 years worth of drama.

Wow, all of this is a relief to read. I recall with a previous girlfriend of mine feeling this way. I myself would always go to porn, and think about sex 24/7. It made me more nervous to think about it. It was a mix of feeling like a pervert, guilty, and ashamed. I did not like it one bit. My interest in her sexually drastically decreased over time and I felt myself longing for outer sexual experiences. The thoughts were always surrounded my immense anxiety though. I felt it was wrong to think that way, but did not know how to put a stop to it.

Peace & Love
-Dustin

Depression and anxiety decrease pleasure in everything for me. I believe when I start to live again then my sex life and enjoyment of it will also come alive. Anxiety and depression have brought me to the point of crying during or after sex. How can there be a lovelife with those emotions? Anyway, I look forward to everything getting better with the rest of you.

Originally posted by Dustin B:
Wow, all of this is a relief to read. I recall with a previous girlfriend of mine feeling this way. I myself would always go to porn, and think about sex 24/7. It made me more nervous to think about it. It was a mix of feeling like a pervert, guilty, and ashamed. I did not like it one bit. My interest in her sexually drastically decreased over time and I felt myself longing for outer sexual experiences. The thoughts were always surrounded my immense anxiety though. I felt it was wrong to think that way, but did not know how to put a stop to it.

Peace & Love
-Dustin

Yes thats the same as me, the guilt etc after looking at porn

Hi celeron.

This one is a biggie for most people, although I was dizzy and anxious and still having sex , it is a very common thing.

Some people say that your mind is the biggest sex organ and others say that sex starts in your mind. If we have all of these irritations running through our minds daily, it's no wonder that most people can't perform. To do most things well we have to be able to focus on the task at hand, so of course your mind has to be relaxed enough to perform.

Do your relaxation tape more because you need to calm your body and your mind. Try meditation or yoga. All of these thing are extremely relaxing.

DeeDee.