Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:14 am
this is LONGGGGG but I really hope you all read it..I think it could be helpful!!
xoxoxo
Dena
I use to be a quitter. I would quit every project that wasnt going right. I would quit every relationship when it got bad. I would quit every job that seemed to "not feel right" I quit....and also ran away from EVERYTHING. I never stuck it out. I would run away. I ran from anxiety. I ran from the feelings. Never pushed through anything. My fiance would say "when the going gets tough, Dena get going"
No wonder why I use to love running outdoors so much..it was what I did best.
I lost my job Jan 21(no I didnt run from it lol).
For two weeks I sat there and cried and cried that I wasnt ever going to get a decent job..amount to anything etc.
Well Feb 8th it all changed.I went to see my therapist. Who I have been seeing for almost a year now. She knows me pretty much better than I know myself. I told her about my scary obsessive thoughts...I told her how I would obsess that I was going to die..how I couldnt do anything right...etc..the same things I would say to her EVERY TIME.
"I cant help you anymore Dena, all I am doing with you is repeating myself over and over..now you have to take my advice and listen to it"
BAM!!! It hit me..so hard. I didnt cry..I didnt anything...I was shocked..I HAD TO do this on MY OWN. NO ONE could help me anymore..I HAVE TO DO THIS.
Well after the weekend passed...on monday..I went got myself all dressed up..and job searched like crazy. As upset and anxious as I was I MADE MYSELF do it.
THAT DAY, I got a job at a local salon doing hair.
I have been at this place now for over 3 weeks..I am going to admit its not the best money..but hey its something for NOW..doesnt have to be FOREVER..but its for NOW. Before I would have just ran and not even started the job..but im pushing though...and working it to the best of my ability.
Another thing
My fiance and I have been kinda been rocky lately. Before I would have just ran from it.
This time I let HIM know how I feel.
I found out he was talking to a girl he was "friends" with back when....I FREAKED OUT..it wasn't casual talk either here people..he was on the phone with her 2 hours every other night while im at work.
I would have just broke it off with him(with no explanation) and RAN FROM IT
Well this time I FACED IT
I called the girl (even though my heart was racing 34932894 miles per min)and asked what the hell she wanted from him...what was her goal..she admitted she had feelings for my fiance...since the 8th grade...lol
I literally laughed out loud. I told her off the sweetest nicest way possible..and guess what...she appologized....and ADMITTED she was going to try to break us up!!!!
The next step was to handle my fiance. He appologized up and down and up and down...said he didnt know thats what she was out to do..that she has been his best friend since 8thgrade etc. So he called her right next to me..and let her know that he can no longer be friends with her bc of her feelings for him.
I couldnt believe it!!! I actually handled a situation with out running from it!!! I actually was calm! I DID IT!!
Im not gonna lie..I cried for two days straight about this situation..I faced it..but it still HURT me..It hurt me badly.
I felt betrayed.
So I let my fiance know..that even though he has been there for me through all of this anxiety and panic disorder..that it didnt excuse him for the mistake he made. I told him he has to earn my trust back..that Im not the kind of woman that will let a guy do that to me...and that if he really wants to marry me, he has to earn my trust back
.....and guess what..I DONT FEEL GUILTY. The old me would have felt guilty and used the excuse that I deserve it since I put him through 2 yrs of anxiety and panic etc... but thats not the case anymore..no woman deserves to be emotionally or physically cheated on.
Well thats a little update on my life..for all of you that know me...know that I have had severe panic, agoraphobia..etc...for 2 years now.
I feel that even though the past 3 weeks have been the most stressful I have delt with probably almost ever....have also been the most accomplished.
Love you all and God bless
Dena
xoxoxo
Dena
I use to be a quitter. I would quit every project that wasnt going right. I would quit every relationship when it got bad. I would quit every job that seemed to "not feel right" I quit....and also ran away from EVERYTHING. I never stuck it out. I would run away. I ran from anxiety. I ran from the feelings. Never pushed through anything. My fiance would say "when the going gets tough, Dena get going"
No wonder why I use to love running outdoors so much..it was what I did best.
I lost my job Jan 21(no I didnt run from it lol).
For two weeks I sat there and cried and cried that I wasnt ever going to get a decent job..amount to anything etc.
Well Feb 8th it all changed.I went to see my therapist. Who I have been seeing for almost a year now. She knows me pretty much better than I know myself. I told her about my scary obsessive thoughts...I told her how I would obsess that I was going to die..how I couldnt do anything right...etc..the same things I would say to her EVERY TIME.
"I cant help you anymore Dena, all I am doing with you is repeating myself over and over..now you have to take my advice and listen to it"
BAM!!! It hit me..so hard. I didnt cry..I didnt anything...I was shocked..I HAD TO do this on MY OWN. NO ONE could help me anymore..I HAVE TO DO THIS.
Well after the weekend passed...on monday..I went got myself all dressed up..and job searched like crazy. As upset and anxious as I was I MADE MYSELF do it.
THAT DAY, I got a job at a local salon doing hair.
I have been at this place now for over 3 weeks..I am going to admit its not the best money..but hey its something for NOW..doesnt have to be FOREVER..but its for NOW. Before I would have just ran and not even started the job..but im pushing though...and working it to the best of my ability.
Another thing
My fiance and I have been kinda been rocky lately. Before I would have just ran from it.
This time I let HIM know how I feel.
I found out he was talking to a girl he was "friends" with back when....I FREAKED OUT..it wasn't casual talk either here people..he was on the phone with her 2 hours every other night while im at work.
I would have just broke it off with him(with no explanation) and RAN FROM IT
Well this time I FACED IT
I called the girl (even though my heart was racing 34932894 miles per min)and asked what the hell she wanted from him...what was her goal..she admitted she had feelings for my fiance...since the 8th grade...lol
I literally laughed out loud. I told her off the sweetest nicest way possible..and guess what...she appologized....and ADMITTED she was going to try to break us up!!!!
The next step was to handle my fiance. He appologized up and down and up and down...said he didnt know thats what she was out to do..that she has been his best friend since 8thgrade etc. So he called her right next to me..and let her know that he can no longer be friends with her bc of her feelings for him.
I couldnt believe it!!! I actually handled a situation with out running from it!!! I actually was calm! I DID IT!!
Im not gonna lie..I cried for two days straight about this situation..I faced it..but it still HURT me..It hurt me badly.
I felt betrayed.
So I let my fiance know..that even though he has been there for me through all of this anxiety and panic disorder..that it didnt excuse him for the mistake he made. I told him he has to earn my trust back..that Im not the kind of woman that will let a guy do that to me...and that if he really wants to marry me, he has to earn my trust back
.....and guess what..I DONT FEEL GUILTY. The old me would have felt guilty and used the excuse that I deserve it since I put him through 2 yrs of anxiety and panic etc... but thats not the case anymore..no woman deserves to be emotionally or physically cheated on.
Well thats a little update on my life..for all of you that know me...know that I have had severe panic, agoraphobia..etc...for 2 years now.
I feel that even though the past 3 weeks have been the most stressful I have delt with probably almost ever....have also been the most accomplished.
Love you all and God bless
Dena