Stress Center Peer Support

hi, i posted on this a few days ago, but it isn't getting any better. lately i have had horrible racing thoughts and have not been able to turn my mind off it seems. i am terrified that i am going to go crazy. i had to watch a film about murder and killings for a film class last week and while i was watching it the terrible thought of "what if i go crazy and do something awful like that or hurt someone" popped into my head. now i can't seem to shake these scary thoughts and images from the film (the film was Capote, which was a real story). i am absolutely terrified and ashamed of these thoughts. i would NEVER want to hurt anyone, but i am so scared that i might go crazy and do something awful. can anyone relate? i am so ashamed....please help.

I worry alot about going crazy!! When it was at it's worst I finally broke down and told my therapist. I was almost afraid to tell her these thought because I thought she would have me locked up for sure! She didn't even seem surprised! She told me that these thoughts were normal when you are in a very anxious state and that the people who were worried about going crazy were not the ones that do! So everytime I have these thoughts I remind myself that these are only scary thoughts and they will pass if I don't give them any credit and that if I am worried about going crazy it is definately not going to happen! It really helps and these thoughts are alot less bothersome to me anymore hope this helps! Just remind yourself that anxiety always passes and these thoughts will to!

cara,

i can totally relate. i don't know what your situation is, but i just started zoloft about 4 weeks ago and it has helped. i started on a thursday and went to church the very next sunday night, my preacher (with good intentions) stopped me after service and warned me about the danger of medications like mine. that night, after the lights went off, i went into a downward spiral of what if i could be someone who committed suicide. i love life and have never wanted to die, it scared the crap out of me. then, i went into what if i could harm my husband, or worse, my children. i spent the whole night in misery and was literally ready to go lock my daughters bedroom doors to prevent the "zombie" me from getting to them.

i have been someone that enjoyed horror movies for years, but am considering the fact that i may not be able to watch them anymore. we watched a not even that scary movie--it had some graphic imagery though--the night that i had my last severe panic attack. that evening, i kept seeing those scenes replayed over and over. it was awful.

it made me feel better when i listened to session one of the program and heard the woman on there who said that she would wait to bathe her young son until her husband got home for fear that she would some how flip out and drown him. just to know that someone else had those fears.

i love my life and i love my family--i have no desire to harm any of those things. but somehow i was worried that i would lose control, go crazy, become a zombie--whatever--but i know now that that will not happen. you're ok, you need to work the program. those are just thoughts. maybe, if you're not, you might need meds to get started--talk to your dr. but you will be ok.

good luck,

mel

Cara, the racing thoughts are caused from the many squirts of adrenalin you are giving yourself. Do the following:

Use thought stoppage and immediately following your first intrusive thought. STOP! Shout it loudly in your head or if no one is around, shout it out loud. You mean business!!!!

Then start your calm breath. Often just one time with the calm breath you can feel the relaxation start. Breathe in slowly and hold for the count of 4 and then exhale slowly through pursed lips.

Now begin your soothing self talk. Remind yourself that this is your obessive mind's creation and all creations from the obsessive mind are lies - period. Remind yourself that you do not have a history of hurting anyone. This is proof that you are ok. It's just my ocd. Also, people with obsessive thinking can not go crazy. I repeat: They can not go crazy. This is not something you are enjoying. You fear it, but now you no longer need to fear it because you know the truth.

Then place your attention on something in the present moment. Start to whistle, sing, hum, journal, whatever. Practice this over and over.
You'll calm down. Be patient and do persevere with this exercise.

And, most of all, remember that it is just adrenalin and adrenalin will not hurt you.

What you are doing with the above exercise is you are stopping any additional squirts of adrenalin. The more squirts the longer you are uncomfortable. (I said, uncomfortable - this is not dangerous.) Remind yourself, too, that YOU CAN HANDLE THIS!

Cara, please listen to the advice given here. I too struggle at times with the same thing. I is very scary..However, it is just anxiety. You are NOT going crazy! My mother was diagnosed with Paranoia/Schizophrenia years ago, and this is what really triggered my anxiety. I fearED(as you can see, past tense:) getting that horrible illness. Just last week, my fears were again put to rest, when her doctor told ME that I wasn't going to go crazy, "crazy people don't know their crazy"...They think everyone else is..LOL..not laughing at those that are affected by it, just laughing at this damn anxiety of mine!!! anyways, as you go through the program, you will soon find out that it is within your control to stop them. We do it to ourselves, really. Boon has been a GREAT scource of help and information for me. She has been there and done that and is now helping others that go through just what your going through! I hope this helps. Take care and "slow down"...and most importantly, breath.