Stress Center Peer Support

Yesterday we found out that my Dad has Stage 4 Pancreatic cancer and that with chemo, he will be lucky to make it another 2 years. I don't think it's quite sunk in yet. I think my brain is kind of in denial but every now and then I get these waves of "realization" and wonder, "How will I ever deal with this?"

I know there must be someone here who can relate to having a parent with cancer.

Any tips on how to cope? How to help my Dad cope? What to do and what not to do?

Thanks.

I'm here for you, missgsr! I'm no stranger to this kind of rain. I lost both of my parents within 33 days of each other in 2005, and lost my father-in-law to cancer two months later.

I think the MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember is that you need to be a positive person around your Dad. Remember that he is (I'm sure) scared. You need to be strong for him, and try to be there for him to talk about his feelings. Also....one thing that I have always thought so important-we all go through that doorway to Heaven, and a new life there...what an adventure!! I know that sounds odd, but it is the destiny we all have in common. When my own Mother was dying, I talked about the adventure, and talked her through until the moment of her passing. It broke my heart, but I had to let her go, and try to make it a positive thing for HER.

I hope some of this makes sense. I'll be with you in spirit, and thinking of you!

I agree w/sharpie! & you also have to realize even though its hard that this is reality & make the time that your father does have left as many good memories for the both of you that it can be! & w/the time line they've left for your father well I no that they usually give the least amount of time that people w/the same diseases usually survive but I do also know quite a few survivors that have double what they were told for time span by their drs. So just keep your fingers crossed & make sure that you make every min as comfortable as it can be for him w/out treating him like a fragilie doll(from experiance w/family they hate feeling like a burden)& if you have any siblings or anything like that make sure there very involved w/him too!! Good luck & god bless

My father passed away from lung cancer. He was diagnosed in Oct. and died in Dec. It was really the hardest thing I ever went through. But harder for my Dad. The best advise i could give to you is spend as much time as you can with him. Make every minute count. Make sure you tell him you love him and stay strong for him. Even though you know he will die, nothing prepares you for that finallity. I don't want to sound gloomy but it's true. So see him as much as possible and talk about things you always wanted to with your dad. I wish you and your family strength and peace. Sunnie

My sister Jean died a year ago from cancer. How did I cope? I don't know but I am okay today. Stay in the here and now. Talk to a professional if you need to. after she died I went to a grief counseling group. I called her every day, when she needed me I was there. She handled it better than everyone else. everyone has to die you just don't know when or how.

Hi,
First off, I am deeply sorry to hear about your father. My mother was diagnosed in 2001 with Stage 3 breast cancer. She went through the chemo, radiation, double masectomy. She was okay for a while and then in 2005 she was rediagnosed with bone cancer which is incurable. She died two days after Christmas. This entire experience has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. But know that you and your family will get through this. There is going to be some good that does eventually come out of this crappy situation(for instance, the self discovery process, fond memories, family may grow closer...)

The advice that I can give to you is to take care of yourself. Try to resume as much of a normal life as you can - I know it may be hard to think about doing this right now, but it will happen with time. Take a little bit of time out for yourself to do what you love. There will be wonderful days that you will share with your father, and other days will not be so great. Be there for your family as much as you can, and do not take any second for granted. Allow yourself to feel all of the emotions that come along with this experience. Surround yourself with positive people, if you need to seek professional help do so.

I hope this helps you some. Good luck, and try to hang in there.

sharpie22, Nyyankee2986, sunnie, Stock Lady, and mdevlnj,

Thank you SO much for your words of encouragement, advice, and best wishes. We all know how much it helps to know someone understands exactly how you feel.

I know there are tons of people who go through and make it through this (everyone loses their parents and some point) but it helps a lot to hear from people first hand. I know I will get through this but you're right, it's so hard...and this is only the beginning. Nothing will prepare me for the moment he is really gone.

Hugs!!!

I am so sorry you are having to face this, it is a long and difficult road. I lost my Mom when I was 27 and she was only 52 to colon cancer, and it has profoundly affected me in every way imaginable. Please pm me if you ever want to talk, it is hard to be the child caring for the parent, and there is nothing like watching your parents deteriorate because I think it reminds us of our own mortality, besides our obvious devastation to see someone we love sick.

Keep in mind that cancer research has new meds every day, so do not put a time limit on your Dad!!!! You are in a horrible situation right now and I can complete empathize...

Hugs, Tara

Dear My friend-
I am 21 years old and cancer is something that has been involved with my life on many different levels. My mom got diagnosed with colon cancer when I was 12--stage 4. My dad got diagnosed with stage 4 head and neck cancer when I was 19. Both of my parents were told that they only had a few months at most a year to live. With great doctors, they survived. I remember trying to tell my dad how much i would miss him when he died and he told me "Sammy, I will never die. I am always with you." Now my point of my is that there is HOPE even in the darkest of tunnels.
I remember going to my dads chemo and there was a poster in the office that said:
Good Morning! This is God. I will be taking care of your problems today. I will not need your help. So enjoy your day!

I know it's hard and my blessings are with you and your family.

Sammy

Originally posted by BTTRFLY:
Please pm me if you ever want to talk, it is hard to be the child caring for the parent. Keep in mind that cancer research has new meds every day.

Thank you for offering your support. Every post I read in this thread gives me a little more strength to keep my chin up and stay strong for my dad. And you are right...it is hard being a child taking care of a parent. I'm an only child and our family is VERY small so this is extremely tough for me. I just keep telling myself that it's not over until it's over. The could find a miracle cure tomorrow!

Originally posted by Footprints18:
I remember going to my dads chemo and there was a poster in the office that said:
Good Morning! This is God. I will be taking care of your problems today. I will not need your help. So enjoy your day!

I love this...and I'm not even a religious person. Thank you for your support!